to ask what you would want a colleague to do in this situation?

[toothpasteinthetree]

You'd gone away to a work conference with a group of colleagues. One of them, G, is a bit quieter than the rest of you, has some visible disabilities and medical issues which she never discusses, and is socially rather awkward but is nevertheless a likeable and interesting girl: and good at her job.

After your presentation, G disappears rather abruptly. You find her half an hour later, and she's behaving rather strangely and finding it difficult to talk. You help G back to her hotel, make her a cup of tea and Gs fine again.

On G final morning of the conference, G says that she cannot go into certain rooms in the conference centre because she worries that details of her intimate relationship will be broadcast over the tannoy. You sit next to her on the train home - where she tells you some very strange things - and give her a lift back from the station to make sure that she's safe back with her DP.

G is now home and safe but worrying about your response to what probably amounted to a psychotic episode - she has had them in the past and knows how to manage them fairly well. What could or should G do to reassure you and other colleagues that she doesn't normally behave like this and shouldn't be reported to line management or HR? Should G ring or text you all to explain what happened and to apologise? Or should G do nothing in the hope that you won't have dwelt too much on what happened and that you're essentially a kind person who wouldn't want to do anything to threaten G's career? What should G do?

(I am G. I have NCed and changed a few details, so you may be my colleague.)

If I were the colleague, I'd be worried about you. If you made contact with me I would be reassured that you're ok and certainly wouldn't judge you or think of you differently. Only you know your colleague though - are they likely to welcome an explanation/be discrete (if you want them to be, you have no reason to feel ashamed)

Perhaps a text or email; 'thank you so much for taking card of me at the conference - I was really struggling. Didn't know I had such supportive colleagues'?? Or similar

Or indeed do nothing

Kind intelligent people realise that we are all different and that we all contribute, irrespective of our difference.

Hope that makes sense - I genuinely wouldn't worry or over think it.

personally I would hope my colleague had enough sense to not say anything but I would perhaps send a thank you text/note and maybe preempt the hr issie by informing them directly although I assume they are already aware of your conditions.

If I were the colleague, I would let line manager know about it - not in a 'getting you in trouble' sort of way, but out of concern and to make sure that you are getting the support you need at work. Certainly wouldn't judge you.

Hope you are feeling better now.

If I were in your shoes I would call the colleague who looked after me and thank her for her support. I would not go into enormous detail about my health issues however.

I would then contact my line manager and pre-empt anything that might be passed up the line.

I am sorry you have had to go through this experience. Very stressful for you.

@Janine Fair enough - but is the anything I could do to deter you from doing contacting him? There is nothing my line manager could do to help, and I would therefore prefer that he didn't know.

I would text and say thank you but also give line manager a little heads up, as in you think you were coming down with flu or something. Pre emptive strike ;)

It sounds like you know your colleague well enough to have a quiet word on Monday, I'd suggest that you thank her for her company and the lift home, and to say, briefly, that you are feeling better now, or words to that effect. I wouldn't feel the need to elaborate.

If I was your colleague, I wouldn't go to HR - I might be mindful of any altered behaviour in the future, but would want to be supportive (within whatever parameters the working relationship is) of you.

Try not to worry, most people are kind, and your colleague appears to be. Be kind to yourself.

I hope you are feeling better.

To be honest, if you have a health issue that is affecting your work (mental health or physical health), then I think you need to be open about it with your line manager.

I'd probably be more concerned if you asked me to keep it a secret.

I hope that if I was a "kind person" I would speak to my line manager to make sure that G was being supported properly at work.

In my mind, being a "kind person" doesn't mean ignoring what happened. Telling my line manager would not be done with the intention of "threatening G's career".

Talk to your colleague and thank them for their support. Give them a potted history/cover story and again thank them for their help and ask for them to afford you confidentiality.

I am assuming your work/HR are aware of any issues and can, therefore, also accord you some support and confidentiality of the colleague does tell your line manager - which would be a normal response.

If your work/HR don't know maybe you could brooch the subject on Monday, you may need to safeguard yourself. As in, let them know these episodes are uncommon, short lived and usually manageable and that they can do A, B or C to support you - as they are obliged to, if they know!

I hope you are feeling better. But do take stock and check that you have enough support in place at work.

If you were my colleague I'd encourage you to self refer to occupational health and I might refer you myself. I wouldn't do this to hurt you but to help you get the help you need.

I might be reassured if you told me you'd gone to see your own medical practitioner after the conference.

Thanks, and I do understand that.

Would it change you view if you believed that both G and you work in an environment in which health issues of any kind can often be handled very badly?

Yes, that would explain why you are reluctant and worried. I know some areas where regardless of the law any health issues are seen as weaknesses and sackable offences.

But I would still ask you to take stock and check that you have enough support...

Toothpaste, I had a very public psychotic episode all over the internet. I went with (horribly humiliated) upbeat apology and thanks in a kind of 'God, sorry about that! Oops! Better pay more attention to my stress levels in the future! Thanks so much for being so supportive - it was really lovely of you.'

I'm not going to lie, it took a while for a number of people to relax around me again, in a sort of 'is this normal Foggy or mental Foggy...' sort of way, but eventually, it's mostly OK.

Good luck with it. You're not alone.

OP - I think you need to stop worrying about what your colleague may or may not do and concentrate on what YOU are going to do so that you are reassured that the situation has been resolved and that it is not going to escalate.

I would certainly consider what RhiWrites says and contact occy health/GP.

I'd maybe appreciate a text to tell me you were ok- I'd be worried.

Tbh I don't see much difference between your episode and say, a diabetic having a hypo. As I one off I wouldn't think much more of it, unless it continued and affected your work or I thought you needed more support.

I wouldn't say anything unless I thought you maybe at risk, lone working, going away by yourself etc, when I might ask if you needed anything, or were happy to do so.

what probably amounted to a psychotic episode

How do you mean it "probably amounted to a psychotic episode"? How is what you've described not psychosis? It sounds pretty textbook to me.

she has had them in the past and knows how to manage them fairly well

Well no, you're not actually managing them by the sounds of it - sorry. I have had psychotic episodes associated with bipolar disorder, so I am not unsympathetic, but it sounds like you might be in denial here. Have you got a diagnosis? Are you having/have you had any treatment?

TBQH I think there's a chance that it will damage your career with or without your colleague saying something. If your workplace has a hostile attitude to mental illness then no matter how it comes out, it will be damaging; but if you approach your managers and make them aware then I think you'd be in a much better position legally if you ever have another episode while at work.

I have to say if I was the colleague I'd greatly appreciate a text to say all is well, thanks aside I'd probably be worrying if I'd done/said the right things, if I didn't have experience of being around someone experiencing an episode such as this. I'm sure it would be worrying for them aswell as traumatic for you, so some reassurance that you're feeling abit better now would be a good idea. I think while you are obviously and quite rightly concerned about the possible impact of colleague going to line manager/hr, I think it puts both of you in a rather difficult position, even if colleague agrees to say nothing, you will both be worried that it will come out somehow eventually and the fact that you both kept it "secret" may make things worse. If I was you I would tell your college you will mention the incident to line manager, whether you go into detail or pass it off as food poisoning/ migraine or other reason, will be up to you. It's your health and up to you what you choose to disclose, but please don't try to "act normal" if you need help or support, even if you don't feel able to access that through work, gp or other healthcare professional may be the way to go.

The only way I would be pacified would be if you gave me a coherent apology with a reasonable explaination of why it happened eg - you forgot to take meds or extreme stress in your home life.

If I worked in the sort of caring company where I thought issues would be well cared for I would probably still mention it. But would keep quiet if the boss was a dragon.

I would tell occupational health in confidence because they should treat it as such and speak to G in confidence. Given G found it hard to talk and function, I would worry for her actual health rather then mental and personally I'd put it more down to migraine or something unless told otherwise. I've known someone to act very oddly and lose the ability to speak and then speak rightly with she had a very bad one.

I think you should let your manager or hr know about it. It may happen again with people who are not so understanding. I do think it's not right if you want your colleague not to tell anyone. It's better if people know so that they could try to have understand and help you when you need it, rather than people think you are not doing your job well and having issues with you.

gosh, i would be really concerned for a colleague if that happened. i probably would flag it up at work, but then, we are nice and supportive. i would be v concerned it might escalate and if my colleague self-harmed for instance, i would feel just awful

Thank you for all of your comments, and for your range of views.

I take the point that I'm possibly not coping as well as I think: I'd voluntarily taken on an unnecessary amount of extra work, we'd just had a string of family birthdays and christenings, and a good friend had just been through stressful surgery. I need to improve my time management skills and learn to say no. I need more sleep and more rest.

I've accrued a fair amount of TOIL so may drop the kids to school on Monday then return to bed.

Sounds like a good plan OP. Please go to see your GP as well. Hope you feel better and can take things easy for a while