to ask what you would want a colleague to do in this situation?

[toothpasteinthetree]

You'd gone away to a work conference with a group of colleagues. One of them, G, is a bit quieter than the rest of you, has some visible disabilities and medical issues which she never discusses, and is socially rather awkward but is nevertheless a likeable and interesting girl: and good at her job.

After your presentation, G disappears rather abruptly. You find her half an hour later, and she's behaving rather strangely and finding it difficult to talk. You help G back to her hotel, make her a cup of tea and Gs fine again.

On G final morning of the conference, G says that she cannot go into certain rooms in the conference centre because she worries that details of her intimate relationship will be broadcast over the tannoy. You sit next to her on the train home - where she tells you some very strange things - and give her a lift back from the station to make sure that she's safe back with her DP.

G is now home and safe but worrying about your response to what probably amounted to a psychotic episode - she has had them in the past and knows how to manage them fairly well. What could or should G do to reassure you and other colleagues that she doesn't normally behave like this and shouldn't be reported to line management or HR? Should G ring or text you all to explain what happened and to apologise? Or should G do nothing in the hope that you won't have dwelt too much on what happened and that you're essentially a kind person who wouldn't want to do anything to threaten G's career? What should G do?

(I am G. I have NCed and changed a few details, so you may be my colleague.)

I would be very worried about you and would appreciate a phone call to explain the situation and how you are feeling now.

whether or not I reported it would depend on various things, how bad was the episode, what type of job do you do if you care for other people I would definitely report it, how likely is it to happen again, what can you do to stop it happening again, how would it effect your co-workers. if you explained things well and raised the issue of your job not being supportive of health issues i might hold off reporting unless something further happened

I would want you to contact me with the information in your post, mainly to reassure me that you're OK and receiving medical attention. You could also thank the person who helped youth your room. I wouldn't think any worse of you than if you had any other medical attention that meant you needed my help.

The colleague sounds really nice, but I imagine clueless about G having history of psychosis or other private medical-disability issues.

If this was truly the only episode ever then I would probably never say anything to anyone at work about it, although I'd pay closer attention to how G. did her job in future, and I would be concerned for G & I would try to show that concern. IF G's role in the company was customer-facing, IF I felt loyal to the company or worried about my bonus or about G screwing her career chances, and IF I sensed that G might have a similar episode while dealing with customers then I might feel obliged to tell someone at work.

Most reassuring for me thing G could do is own up to the event but... probably lie. Say she forgot some meds and without them she goes dolally when her blood sugar is low or summat.

I absolutely would not tell a line manager or anyone at work about this episode. I'd ask the colleague if she was OK now and then not mention it again.

Definitely take TOIL OP, sounds like a stressful time.

It depends on your job really. If high levels of responsibility (financial/caring etc) then I think I would let hr know. If you are going to contact your colleague (who sounds lovely) I'd be careful about how you phrase things. If it sounds like you're trying to brush things under the carpet/downplay what happened, she may be even more inclined to speak to work.

I think a thank you card, with a brief explanation would be enough. That sounds like a carrying person to have looked after you and made sure you got home so I really think if you get in there they won't go any further with it. Hugs hun don't be embarrassed!

A text to say "Thank you for all your support. Have been a bit under the weather lately and taken on a bit too much. Will rest up and recuperate. Hope you had a good weekend".

And then by all means have a rest next week. But try not to take to your bed. Rest, lots of fresh air, regular short walks, eat and drink healthily. I know I have had times when going back to bed has actually not been the right thing. Peace and quiet to re balance but try not to over sleep.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time, I don't know how you've managed to move on from previous episodes of psychosis but I wonder if you can look at accessing whatever support helped last time again, as a neutral observer it sounds like you may be at the start of a further episode. I feel so bad for you that along with having to contend with this you're worrying about what your colleagues may do and possible consequences at work. Some employers are really crap at dealing with mental health issues. I do understand why this is such a worry for you but I'm concerned that if you expend all your energies into trying to hide what you're experiencing the added pressure of this may exacerbate things for you. I don't think you have anything to apologise to your colleague for and I don't know one way or the other whether you'll be able to say anything to persuade her that you're doing ok and or not report any concerns she may have to management. As an earlier poster said that may depend on the kind of job you do, if you're in a role which puts you in a position of authority over vulnerable people then I think she'll be duty bound to report it, though I wouldn't see this as any kind of act of hostility. I hope you're feeling better soon.

I've decided I'll text her tomorrow, using some of the wordings suggested. Nobody wants to hear about work on a Saturday, do they?

I'm not going to attempt to persuade her not to report on me - I can understand now that it would place her in a difficult situation. But with the exception of the occasional presentation, my current role is purely desk-based in an office, with no ability to harm or neglect.

I'm next seeing my line manager in about a fortnight, so I will continue to consider what I say to him then.

Hopefully HR or the company knows about your disabilities so you can have accommodations.

Honestly, if that were me, I'd report out of concern. From an outsider's perspective you could have a drug problem, or you need mental health care. Bluntly, no one wants to have to feel responsible for their coworker's well being when they are suppose to be focusing on work. I'd be fine if it were a one off, but not knowing your history, I wouldn't know if it'd happen again and I wouldn't want to be in a situation where if things got too bad I'd feel in over my head and unable to focus on the job at hand. Either way, it can't go unchecked.

Your episode got in the way of you doing your job. That's not a good thing. If you need accommodations, that's fine and they are legally obligated to grant you them. But you can't continue on your current path. I would talk to your manager though, and let them know what happened just so they're in on the loop.

I have had a colleague behave in a similar way due to a trigger for their PTSD that I was totally unaware of. I work in an incredibly supportive environment, nevertheless, I would never have told the boss without permission but it did hugely help to have an explanation. I hope, as a result, I am a better colleague. At the time the explanation was brief but clear and as trust built up he/she chose to tell me more.

I totally disagree that the op MUST tell her line manager, I don't discuss all my medical issues with work. However reassuring your colleague and being honest as far as you are able would probably go down well.

If your going to use some TOIL on Monday, please let your colleague know - think a comment that you've done too much recently, and are going to take it slow on Monday, and use some TOIL would be good.

Because if I knew you'd had an episode the previous week, and then didn't show on Monday, it would be more likely I'd say something.

Very, very different. But I work closely with a diabetic, who, after some initial struggles, has kept everything very much under control. He came to me several of weeks ago, looking very ill, and asked for some of my (well known about) chocolate stash. I gave him some, and left him be for a bit. He said thanks on his way back downstairs, looking much better. While I didn't say anything to anyone at that point, I found reasons to go down a couple of times over the afternoon, and check all was OK. It came up in conversation with his boss last week. So while I may not actively approach anyone, if I was asked if I knew anything, I would answer honestly.

If you sent me a message begging me not to tell anyone, I'd be more likely to say something, because I'd figure it was bigger than I knew about. It might not be your boss I approached tho, if they had a reputation for being an arse.

Certainly, I understand that I should let them know about taking TOIL - I worry when they forget to tell me.

But TBH I'm struggling to get my thoughts together to know what to put in the text. It should be simple, I know. I'm confused, though.

I'd go with one of the suggestions that have already been made. I would do it sooner rather than later too as the colleague will probably be worried.
Finolas text sounds good. Your collegue has already shown that they are caring so I wouldn't worry about it too much. (I know that's hard ). You could always blame it on a change of drugs or something if you wanted. However, I would just be factual about it,

Good luck and hope you feel better.