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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To work full time if I don't have to?

31 replies

Ifyoubuildit · 13/09/2014 13:29

DCs are 5 and 2.5. I have been offered an amazing full time job. We don't need the money but I am conscious that I'm in a vulnerable financial position if anything happened to DH or our relationship.

With the commute I'd only see the DCs for max 30
mins per dayHmm

I have been applying for part time and local jobs for nearly a year and haven't got anywhere.

What to do??

OP posts:
RJnomore · 13/09/2014 13:30

No YANBU.

It's not only about the money right now.

This opportunity may never come up again, I couldn't turn it down in your circumstances (or any really).

extremepie · 13/09/2014 13:33

Difficult decision but I personally would take the job, there seem to be many people who want full time but are only able to do part time for whatever reason, maybe there might be an opportunity in the future for you to reduce your hours?

If you don't need the extra money just put it away in savings for the meantime, it could come in very helpful at some point :)

morerogermore · 13/09/2014 13:33

Would you like to do it? That's the question. DCs will be fine.

bauhausfan · 13/09/2014 13:35

Could you go F/T and your DH go P/T so that there is a parent around for the children?

MrsKCastle · 13/09/2014 13:38

It depends on so many factors, but for me the main ones would be:

Is it what you want? Will you thrive on the opportunity, or will it make you miserable if you don't get to spend so much time with your DCs?

And- can you provide consistent, loving care for your DCs? Is there someone who you really trust who can have them on a day to day basis so that they are happy and secure?

If you can answer yes to both, I'd say go for it.

whatever5 · 13/09/2014 13:39

It's a personal decision. I wouldn't have done it when my children were the age your children are as it would have meant that they wouldn't have seen much of either parent. Your circumstances and priorities may be different though.

LadyLuck10 · 13/09/2014 13:43

Yanbu, you're being very wise and sensible and not many people think like this. Your kids are old enough too so take the opportunity.

OscarWinningActress · 13/09/2014 13:49

YANBU. If that's what will make you fulfilled and happy, do it. It's a foot in the door and perhaps later on you'll have the option of dropping back to part time, or DH will.

Metalgoddess · 13/09/2014 14:11

I wouldn't do it personally because I know it would make me unhappy and therefore the whole family unit. However if it's what you want and suits your family then go for it.

Alisvolatpropiis · 13/09/2014 14:32

Yanbu

As much as I like the idea of being a SAHM the vulnerable position it would put me in, if my marriage broke down puts me off massively.

museumum · 13/09/2014 15:13

It's much much easier to find a pt job or drop hours or secure flexible hours if you are already in a ft job. You can prove your worth and argue your case.
I would take it and work ft for a year before thinking about other options like applying to reduce or compress hours or even just rearrange hours so you work late two days a week and finish early two days.

My ideal is pt working but if I was in your position not finding anything pt I'd probably rather give ft a go than not work at all. If you have been at home since your first child's birth then even more so as the recent work experience will really help your cv.

DaisyFlowerChain · 13/09/2014 16:00

YANBU, you are being sensible as nobody knows what the future holds.

After a while when you are settled you may be able to work flexibly or move to another job with the experience with better hours.

fun1nthesun · 13/09/2014 18:05

I'm all for you doing what you feel is right and I wouldn't judge on how long you see the DC's either.

However.....I would find seeing them so little upsetting. Sometimes the idea is great, especially if the job is good but the actual reality...not so good.

Try to think honestly how you would feel seeing your children so little. It's your decision to make and good luck!

Well done on the job offer by the way!

GingerSkin · 13/09/2014 18:17

Congratulations on the job offer.

I don't have to work full time, one of us could be part time or could manage (but cut back) if one of us worked. I worked bloody hard to get my qualifications and then was in a similar position to you - fantastic opportunity, wouldn't see dd as much.

We made / make it work. 14 months on I've now got condensed hours so get one day off in the week; I get up early with dd and spend time with her then, got a cleaner to free up time for family; found a decent childminder who I love and dd loves and overall, I made the right decision

I love that I work and contribute to our house/life style too. Go for it if you feel this is what you want.

MomOfABeast · 13/09/2014 19:15

I think it depends a lot n your DC and who would be caring for them in your absence. I was quite a sensitive kid and when both parents worked full time felt I really missed up on that day to day interaction. I think I became less close to my parents as a result, and felt a bit on my own. It might have been different though if I'd had another close relative caring for me rather than a (very nice) nanny.

On the other side if the argument though I do know many women who regret abandoning their careers now that they're children are more independent.

Purplepoodle · 13/09/2014 19:23

If it's a job you really want then try it. If it doesn't suit then you could always try and negotiate reduced hours or hand your notice in.

chutneypig · 13/09/2014 19:29

If you can get childcare in place that you're and the children are happy with, then that's the main thing. Nothing's set in stone if you find it's not working for you.

I'm guessing the commute is going to be fairly long, is it likely to be stressful for you? Or very tiring? I would factor that in in terms of how you're going to feel when you do see DC.

You sound very positive about the job - it'd be a shame to not try, IMO.

PersonOfInterest · 13/09/2014 19:31

30 minutes would make me unhappy. But its all about your priorities and needs. Thanks

sanfairyanne · 13/09/2014 19:39

max 30 mins a day sounds very very little but is it possible to work around it, eg kids stay up later (what time is bedtime?) , work condensed hours or at home,or even a move nearer to your work?

there is no way i would do it, but that doesnt make you unreasonable!

backbystealth · 13/09/2014 19:41

Hmm

I was about to say YANBU. I agree with safeguarding your financial future, having a career you love etc...

I've pretty much always worked FT and have three dds.

But then again I have always seen them between 2-3 hours at day during the week as I take them to school (well used to) and am home earlyish as short commute but even that has felt imbalanced and difficult (emotionally) at times.

LouiseBourgeois · 13/09/2014 19:56

Take the job. The 'we don't need the money' situation is (a) possibly temporary and (b) reliant on someone else's salary.

Also museumum makes a good point re. it being easier arrange a job share/compress hours etc once you've established yourself in the job, if that's what you want. Could your husband/ partner go part-time? Is moving closer to the job to minimise the commute a possibility?

Original poster
Ifyoubuildit · 13/09/2014 21:38

Thanks all. I'm going to suck it an see, as someone says, I can always resign.

I've been on Mat leave/ SAHM for nearly six years so do feel I need to do something to get back out there. It seems like a lot though, but as I said I've been looking for something for a while now.

We're going to have a nanny as we don't have any local relatives.

I'm most nervous about how the DCs will be, we're all very close and it makes me sad to be leaving them with someone I don't know very well. It makes me feel a bit down tbh.

However, it an amazing job for me as it's a completely new area that I've always wanted to work in so don't think I'll get this opportunity again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifyoubuildit · 13/09/2014 21:40

By the way, DH can't go part time (he works for himself) and we can't move as the job is in London and we can't afford to live there.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 13/09/2014 21:45

The benefits of work go beyond money. I don't "need" my job, but long term, I am happier for working. When my contract ends, I'd rather increase my hours if necessary, rather than starting again as finding something better is a very awkward combination of circumstances.

Happydutchmummy · 13/09/2014 21:58

Do it! For the first year, put half your wages in a savings account and don't touch it. I believe everyone needs a healthy 'oh shit fund' and this is the perfect opportunity to build one up.

I don't need to work financially but I choose to (although now part time), for a whole load of reasons such as the social aspect (I have nice colleagues!), keeping my skills up to date, job satisfaction, a feeling of achievement, my pension, etc. Once you're in a job it's a lot easier to find another job or if you've been there a while you could ask about flexible working or look for something else more part time/closer to home. Give it a year and if you and your family hate it you're in a fortunate position of being able to pack it in. Otherwise your allways going to wonder What if...