Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

aibu for judging a man to be a total dick.

26 replies

Vintagecrap · 12/09/2014 05:41

The back story is that we swapped two or three emails back in jan/ Feb time this year, on a dating site. Just a ' hi, how are you' , ' great thanks, you' type thing. I realised I recognised him, he was the ex of my new neighbour. So told him that and that it wasn't appropriate. I hadn't liked him anyway and it has been only 2 emails swapped.

He got cross at that and sent a rant about it and then ranted to his ex about how she had messed things up with me. There wasn't anything to mess up, literally two messages where I was just being polite.

Any how, for a little while he kept trying to get his daughter to spy on me, when my neighbour found out she read him the riot act.

Yesterday an email from him arrived in my neighbours inbox. She forwarded it on to me. It said he had finally seen me, and JESUS I was massive. So fat I looked like I've eaten all the pies and more and that he's very glad I turned him down.

I am staggered, I've never so much as spoken to him, nothing. My neighbour is aghast. I don't know why he think he has the right to comment. Or why he would email this to tell someone.

He is a total dick, isn't he.

OP posts:

justmuddlingalong · 12/09/2014 05:52

Correctamundo. He is a Dick.

BogStandardOldWoman · 12/09/2014 06:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JuniorMumber · 12/09/2014 06:04

Not only a dick, but he sounds like a loon, frankly.

MissMarplesBloomers · 12/09/2014 06:06

See why he's her ex??!

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 12/09/2014 06:06

tool

Original poster

Vintagecrap · 12/09/2014 06:16

Of course, which was one of the reasons I rejected him in the first place, ignoring the fact that he isn't my type at all, looks wise or personality wise.

Anyway. Not wanting to be a victim I replied to his email saying I found his behaviour distasteful. Letting him know I knew what he did getting his daughter to spy on me and that, along with this email I consider it harassment and will be looking at taking it further, legally.

I told him that he wasn't my type physically, and explained why, on detail. But said it wasn't just that that made him so unattractive, but it was his personality, his self entitled ness and belief that he is somehow better than me, when he is 42, lives at home with his parents and is clearly an uneducated oik.

I then told him I'm sure his girlfriend, who is not slim herself, would be interested in seeing these emails. And that if he does not cease and desist this nonsense I will follow it up. That any further correspondence from him will not be read but will be forwarded direct into my solicitor.

So. I gave back. However I just can't get my head around it. Who the hell does he think he is?
Why on earth would you do that?

I'm not even ' massive' I'm a size 16. Not slim. But not massive. My worth as a person is not wrapped up in the size of my jeans. And who does he think he is to even voice an opinion about it when we have never met?

OP posts:

temporarilyjerry · 12/09/2014 06:17

But why would she forward it to you? What did that achieve?

BTW YANBU.

Original poster

Vintagecrap · 12/09/2014 06:22

Because we are friends. She thought I should know.
She also couldn't believe it.

OP posts:

shakinstevenslovechild · 12/09/2014 06:36

Yes, he is a dick, but it sounds like your neighbour is stirring things up a lot.

FamiliesShareGerms · 12/09/2014 06:39

He's a dick - and this is why he is her ex, I reckon - but this sounds like it could get nasty. Leave alone, refuse to rise to any further bait, tell your neighbour you don't want to know anything more from him.

Chottie · 12/09/2014 06:58

Why did your neighbour feel she had to forward the email to you? Didn't she think you would be upset? Don't respond to any more emails, refuse to discuss this with your neighbour, chalk him up to experience and move on!

Brightbutchilly · 12/09/2014 07:03

Tbh a friend would have quietly deleted that email, forwarding it on served no purpose other than to hurt you. You already knew he was an idiot and had rejected him.

MrsCumbersnatch · 12/09/2014 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Vintagecrap · 12/09/2014 07:16

I didnt need to see he was a knob, ive not thought about it any more since i rejected him back in feb this year. Theres nothing to chalk up to experience, as until this email came out of the blue, he was pretty much a total stranger.

I never liked him in the first place anyway, i replied to his initial message as i was bored, it was cold and i was just killing an hour or two on an evening, as people do sometimes on dating sites.

I have a boyfriend of 3 months now, pretty serious, met the parents etc, this ' knob' is not even on my radar.

She said she sent it as she would want to know. She did say sorry as she didnt want to hurt me, but that she is pleased somone else has seen what hes like as she had started to think it was in her head. He was abusive to her.

OP posts:

Brightbutchilly · 12/09/2014 07:18

Vintage she sent it to get validation that her awful ex really was awful and it wasn't just her. I understand that.

It would still have been kinder to delete it.

WitchWay · 12/09/2014 07:20

He's a twat & what he wrote about the pies actually made me laugh - I was staggered that anyone could be so pathetic & childish

Glad you have a nice boyfriend now

Ignore

Original poster

Vintagecrap · 12/09/2014 07:28

Yeah, she sent it for her own reasons, i agree. Like you say, validation that its not just her he is horrible to.
However, i do have my own ex husband and dont really need to deal with shit from someone elses.

She did apolgise and said i shouldnt have to be dealing with her baggage. Its literally nothing to do with me at all, and i seem to have been dragged into this by him, and now her, and that its not fair as i havent done anything, other than live where i do and eaten too many pies :)

Knowing its all childish and totally him is fine. Its still very hurtful.
He saw me when i was picking my DD up from schools. We just moved schools, and so, i will see him with some frequency. To think that i was just standing there, picking DD up frm her first day in her new school, and this dick was standing there, judging me, and then thought so badly of the way i look that he had to send an email about it to his ex...

I just cant get my head around it.

OP posts:

Brightbutchilly · 12/09/2014 07:36

I think he's is probably just and unpleasant and insecure man. He's probably worried that you and your neighbour are talking about him/laughing at him.

Just ignore, he has no connection with you. I feel very sorry for his DD.

People are judging us all the time, everyday about weight and hair and clothes and teeth and language and behaviour it's just you don't usually have the email evidence stuck under your nose.

I'd let it go personally, he's not worth any more of your time.

However I'd be slightly careful of a friend whose need for validation was more important than stopping her friend from being hurt and upset.

Original poster

Vintagecrap · 12/09/2014 07:47

Yes, i had thought that too. In some respects thats just as bad as what he did really.

People judge, but they dont tend to email their thoughts along.

I dont even look bad. Im almost tempted to stick a pic up on here to prove it, but then, logically i know there isnt any need, as its not to do with how i look, and everything to do with the fact he is a shit, and yes, insecure.

OP posts:

Brightbutchilly · 12/09/2014 07:51

I'm sure you look gorgeous, which is probably why he emailed.

maddening · 12/09/2014 07:51

I would email the dating site - to be stalked by one of their members after 2 innocuous emails is worrying and they might want to ban him.

Original poster

Vintagecrap · 12/09/2014 07:55

No point, this was back in jan/ feb this year. Ive not been on the site in months and he has a girlfriend too and isnt on there either.
Which sort of makes it all the more perplexing.

OP posts:

wellcoveredsparerib · 12/09/2014 07:58

You are giving this man too much head space Op. He is a sad nasty and petty individual. Don't give him another thought and no more emails!

RandomFriend · 12/09/2014 08:04

YANBU. He is a dick, this nasty attitude is why he is an ex.

Go and have a nice cup of tea with your neighbour, even though it would have been kinder of her to just delete the email.

WitchWay · 12/09/2014 08:33

So this is all related to something months ago? Confirms he's an arse - obviously the reason you didn't fancy him is because you are not attractive enough for him & he's clearly god's gift

Flip

1 2