To have "leaned in" to my career when my baba is so young?

[Foolishlady]

Feeling a bit bad about it... Have just changed jobs because I was miserable in my last job, wasn't respected, had a control freak boss (although we were starting to get on better), male colleague being promoted over me.... So I've just started a new job which is interesting and busy and which I want to do really well in. But my ds is only 20 months old and part of me feels I should be concentrating on him now. Most women take their foot off the pedal for the young kids years don't they? I took a bit of a paycut for this job, and also less holidays, and if I had stayed in my old job I could have to a certain extent coasted (although even coasting did require fairly long hours), took another lengthy maternity leave & then tried to go down to a 4 day week, before ramping it up again in maybe 5 years time.4 day week not possible in new job & don't want to be going off on maternity for another 18 months - and would feel bad taking a long period off. Really want to prove to myself that I'm not as crap as the last place made me feel! Also didn't feel I could wait to move in case another job opportunity like this didn't come up again. Has anyone else refocused on their career quickly after the birth of a child? Did you feel bad about it?

Do what feels right for you and don't let yourself be guilt tripped into thinking you are a neglectful mother.
I started my dream job when DD was 9 months old. I had taken a long break from work (2 years) to have DS and DD and was more than ready to stop being a SAHM. It was pretty much a complete change of career and I was very lucky to have found such a good workplace. I wouldn't have jeopardised it for anything. I put in a lot of energy into managing work and children and it's been quite hard at times, but it paid off and I'm glad I did what I wanted to do.

I went back after DD was 12 weeks old, no choice at that time I was the breadwinner. Went back with DS at 16 weeks into a promoted post with two small children under 2. I wouldn't recommend it for your sanity but it did allow me to become very firmly established in a senior post.
The early years were hard but DH worked regular 9-5 hours for the most part, it did make me cry when the DC called for him at night though!
I'm reaping the benefits now my DC are early teens, I've taken a sideways step and work compressed hours which lets me spend a lot more time with them.
Compared to the early years I think they need me now just as much if not more, albeit in different ways.

It is quite a few years ago now but I went back to work more than full time when each of my sons were 8 weeks old. I had a live in nanny and a cleaner. DH has 9-5 job so he helped out when I was not around at weekends ( criminal defence lawyer with duty solicitor slots ). My sons are 20 and 23 now and have grown up to be happy hardworking very balanced young men despite seeing very little of me in their infancy. They have happy memories of crayoning in the magistrates court foyer during Saturday am bail applications being supervised by an usher!

I know work 4 days can be the same work for 80% of the pay! but it has worked out much better than that for me. I discuss workload with my boss, sometimes I have to remind him I'm not around on Fridays, he will always reallocate to pick it up himself.

Vice versa, I make sure I hit deadlines asked and work the odd evening to do so if necessary. We have give and take and respect on both sides.

I think you have to discuss the issues up front, and a lot depends on attitude. If they are skeptical but will give it a go, great, try it and keep the channels of communication open.

If I was working somewhere my day off was forever encroached on and I was seen as a 'part timer' I would look for a new job, and tell them why when I found one. Everything is negotiable and we should make it clearer to employers that offering flexibility is a way to attract And retain a great team, it's not just about money.

The place I work has lots of flexi working policies and really lives them. Lots of people work from home regularly, full time or not, so my four day week blends right in. They gave me a v generous bonus after I'd only been there 3 months too. I bloody love it! If I do change jobs I the next few years I would make it v clear what a good deal I have and wouldn't move without it being matched or bettered.

Was Sahm when dd1 that age and she was a total daddy's girl and rejecting of me during that stage so don't beat yourself up about that!

not only did I go back to work when my DS was 9 months old but then took on a better job with more hours when he was 1. You can be a good mother and work full time but what I make sure I do is leave the job at work once I am out of the door and concentrate on my child. Also your ds is only 20 months, he doesn't judge you (yet )

Do what you feel is right for you and your family. I didn't ever take more than 6 weeks maternity leave a) because it wasn't cost effective b) because I didn't want to compromise my career and c) because their father and our awesome nanny did a far better job of looking after them than I would. That doesn't mean I don't care about my children, just that it made more sense for me not to be a SAHM.

It will be fine. Sort out reliable child care. Under fives need consistency routines etc.... Needs are far more simple than when a bit older.
In five or six years when your child needs more of you emotionally you will be in stronger position to ask for flexible working or buy more days leave.

Thanks all. I think the childcare situation has really unsettled me - I wanted a minder to take care of him all the way to at least 3 years old (and ideally further, as that's what I had), but the first minder bailed, the second isn't working out and so we have him on the waiting list for a few crèches but I'm just worried about it. If I had stayed in my old job I could have been pregnant now so off soon on maternity leave to take care of him myself (although I never really wanted kids too close together as love the baby stage and wanted to enjoy my next leave as much as my first). Re the job, you've reassured me that full time is fine, if it makes me happier - which I'm hoping it will, boss is lovely, work is interesting, and I feel - so far - really respected for my knowledge. My career is important to me, but that's fine!

Can you afford a nanny? Worth it for peace of mind IMO.

I am about to go for a promotion, my DC are 4&2. I work four days a week in a stressful job. It is easier working four days than three ironically although I will be honest, I hate being away from the kids. Even more so now my pfb has started school.

My plan, if I get it, is to stick at it for a year, use the extra money to save up then move somewhere cheaper so I can find a less stressful job. This is not a career for me.

I used to be ambitious and want to be at the top with my children fitting around this (this was pre-kids). Then I slowly realised that bringing up children is a big responsibility and I wanted to do the best I could. Only part of that is working for money - I would choose my family over my personal success. I am not going to lie on my death bed regretting not working enough.

I would suggest that you sketch out short term, medium and long term goals to help alleviate the guilt and remind you why you want to so this.

And anyone who commented on the thread title --> jog on.

Do what's right for you

I was back at work when DS was 5 weeks old and sending e-mail before the epidural wore off.

Didn't have a lot of choice though.

Go for the full time now because despite what we are led to believe the time your children need you at home it's not when they are tiny, it's during the latter part of primary years and into secondary. Build your career up now so that you can step back a bit in 10 years time. My 12 year old needs me more now than ever before, not keen on being in holiday schemes 5 days a week, needs help organising himself and getting homework done at secondary, needing you there for matches, activities and someone to talk to and be there at a reasonable hour at the end of the day and it needs to be a parents not a nanny because they have so much they need to talk to you about.

I got a new job (effectively a promotion) when DD was 15 months old. There was no way I could request part time working. I threw myself into the job, and it's going great, really enjoy and had a very good appraisal. DD is now 2.5 and I am pg with DC2. Boss is fine with this, and I plan to come back full time after mat leave. I have no problems at all.

I think you've hit on the key issue of childcare. DD is in nursery, which she loves, and are very reliable - I've had to take a week of annual leave when she had chicken pox but I had plenty. DC2 will go to the same place. I think if you sort that out you'll feel a lot more confident :)

Preferring his dad to you is not an issue, they all go through stages of different favourites I think.

Going back full throttle after having them? I did - we only got 4 months maternity when I had my first, 6 months with my second, so I was back to work quite quickly.

I never slowed down, I was promoted when pregnant with my first and then again within 6 months of returning after my second(3 years between children); I got my most recent promotion when my youngest was 5.

It is now that I have started to ease off, because I am in a position where I can. Had I rested on my laurels at the start, I would not be able to enjoy the benefits of being in a more senior role that I do now (iyswim).

However, each to their own - I have seen people do it the opposite way and they are presumably just as happy with their decision - we are all different.

Wrt childcare, I have used both childminders and nursery over the years and personally prefer the nursery because you are not relying on just one person - the nursery will still be open if a staff member is sick.