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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be slightly annoyed about DD2s homework...and to tell her not to do it....

99 replies

unlucky83 · 11/09/2014 22:26

First I have to say I think a bit of homework isn't a bad thing and I don't recall ever feeling like this before ...
DD2 (7) gets reading homework once a week, ideally to be returned asap but they get a week. No problem.
She gets some more home on a Tue to be returned by Fri. It is this homework I'm annoyed with.
First time wise it is a bit of a struggle - she has an after school activity on these three nights. As the weather is still nice she is also enjoying playing with her friends after school. I'm a SAHM and I'm sure it would be harder if I was WOHM.
But my biggest gripe - I strongly believe their homework should be their own work and therefore they should be able to do it with maybe a little parental guidance if they really need it.
So the homework is some maths work (they have done in school), learn some spellings (20) and a spelling activity. All fine. And something else.
This 'something else' has been to 'research' something and do xyz. The 'research' - with three days and the local library only open for one of those days -is obviously 'google'. Most people have internet access at home now but I don't think the school should expect them to. And that isn't actually 'research' in the true sense of the word - no independent thought required.

And what they are 'researching' is potentially complicated. Not this but eg How does a seed grow? Google obviously turns up things suitable for everyone from preschool to a Phd student.
I am finding that every week I am having to help her more than I think I should (and that is not laziness on my behalf - more I am doing it for her - choosing the content etc).

And from what she has said on this week's work they haven't covered it at school at all (or she was totally not paying attention and I don't think that is the case).
I have spent 30+ mins finding an appropriate diagram from hundreds, explaining it to her. It would have taken her literally hours. And then finding the answers was equally tricky - I found myself starting to tell her the answers.
So I've told her if she can't do it to leave it.
It is not my homework ...maybe I'm missing something?
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 11/09/2014 22:32

I would be annoyed and would discuss it with the school. As is so often the case, they are assuming that every child has a SAHP around to help with homework on any given afternoon. We both work full time, the DDs are collected from after-school club at 6pm. That precious 1.5 hours between collection and bed time are NOT for homework and its associated strife, they are for family time. So apart from reading at bedtime, all my DD's homework is done on a Saturday morning. To issue such a large set of homework without a weekend to do it is grossly unfair on children without a SAHP.

And that's LOADS of homework anyway! Ours only get one worksheet of English and some maths problems set on Mathletics.

I'm completely with you that homework should be able to be completed with minimal parental intervention too.

ShutUpLegs · 11/09/2014 22:34

YANBU to think that homework should be their work and not yours.
YABU to tell her not to do it. If you have issues with the homework policy, talk to the school first, don't undermine them to her by telling her not to do it.
YANBU to feel aggrieved about the timescales - our homework of that ilk is always given over a weekend - out Tues, in Fri is tough.

If it helps, get her to think about the seed growing and ask her to think what happens. Then see if you can find one webpage that you can use together to discuss her hypothesis. Then she can write a couple of sentences. Job done.

littlejohnnydory · 11/09/2014 22:36

I'm no lover of homework at primary level...but I think a lot of the point in homework is to involve the parents in the children's schoolwork? I think they probably want you to be sitting down doing it together?

DS (7) was given homework today to be done by tomorrow, I wasn't overjoyed about that but we actually enjoyed doing it together in the end and involved his younger sisters too. I was wondering how the heck I was going to find the time with two younger ones and when exactly he was supposed to have a break from school work?

chocolatewine · 11/09/2014 22:38

Ask the teacher to suggest two or three good sites to use for this age group. Then only use those, dont google - too many choices!!

AnnieLobeseder · 11/09/2014 22:53

I think they probably want you to be sitting down doing it together

Fabulous for families who actually have time together in the afternoon to do that. But many children have to do their homework at after-school clubs. How on earth could the staff be expected to help 20-odd children with homework? And what about all the children with disaffected parents? Sadly there are loads and this would put them at even further disadvantage. It's completely unrealistic for schools to expect there to be a parent with an extra 30 mins to an hour to spend on homework with each child.

FreudiansSlipper · 11/09/2014 23:01

i do understand that it is annoying ds has homework everynight and he is in year 2 last year most week nights he got homework

but this is what it takes to do well in school and to get good grades the conditioning to work hard starts early

sometimes we have to do it in the morning as we often do not get home until 630 other times at the weekend he will often argue about not wanting to do it but he has too

it means everything runs a little later its pants but it has to be worth it in the long run

TrendStopper · 11/09/2014 23:05

I HATE HATE HATE homework. It is pointless.

At my dds school they are expected to do 2 or 3 bits of different homework a night as well as weekly homework. To do this I really need an extra 2 hours a day.

ErrolTheDragon · 11/09/2014 23:06

When my DD was younger, if there was this sort of 'research' question there were always recommended sites - they didn't want kids randomly googling, and they didn't want wikipedia. This sounds like a poorly conceived piece of work.

halamadrid · 11/09/2014 23:12

Just tell the school not to give your child any homework apart from reading. Write a polite letter and include a list of the things she does after school. This worked for us. Most primary teachers don't agree with homework but have to set it because there are so many parents that expect it.

kslatts · 11/09/2014 23:13

YANBU that children should be able to do the homework themselves.

YABU telling her she doesn't need to do it, making her think homework is not important will cause problems when she is older and needs to do the homework to get through exams.

littlejohnnydory · 11/09/2014 23:15

Completely agree Annie. One of many reasons why I don't agree with homework.

ILovePud · 11/09/2014 23:20

YANBU I hate homework too, especially homework that has to be back in the next day, by the time I get them home from after school club it's gone 6pm. They deserve to relax and I don't want all my time with them in the evenings to be spent nagging them to do their homework or having to do it with them. I think at 7 they should be doing all the work they need in school hours and have their evenings to spend doing sport or beavers or just playing and seeing their family. I'm not sure that this is what it takes to do well in school, doesn't the research evidence suggest that homework has no benefit or even a negative correlation with exam results later on, maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part! Grin

ThatBloodyWoman · 11/09/2014 23:20

I've never done homework with mine.
I'll help them get the necessary resources, and give them pointers, but its their work.
And if they can't do it independently, they don't do it.

I have different agendas for things to do in my time with them, and I can't do both!

Mine don't seem to have got in trouble, and thus far do their homework pretty much unnagged, and are doing well.

I think its a slippery slope to start involving yourself too much tbh.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 11/09/2014 23:22

I decline to stress about making young DCs google stuff, as you say it would take them all night to find something the appropriate level.

Life's too short and modern tech savvy DCs learn soon enough how to do it themselves.

ThatBloodyWoman · 11/09/2014 23:22

Oh, I did always read with mine though, until they could read alone.
But I let them read their choice if they didn't like a padticularly naff school book, and teachers were fine with that so long as they were reading.

Tinpin · 11/09/2014 23:24

At primary level home work should only reinforce and consolidate work done in the classroom. It should be be work that children who have parents who (for whatever reason)are unable to help them can complete on their own. Drummed into us when I trained as a teacher(but that was 30 years ago and things have certainly changed)

AnnieLobeseder · 11/09/2014 23:28

I haven't got time to spend looking into the validity of the study, but it was reported a few years back that a study had found very little benefit to homework for primary school children.

ILovePud · 11/09/2014 23:36

Thanks Annie, I knew I'd read that somewhere, I feel validated in my laziness now Grin

kormasutra · 11/09/2014 23:38

My ds left primary school in July.
Apart from a couple of projects over the years, he never ever got any homework to do at home as all y3-6 were encouraged to go to "homework club" straight after school on a Tuesday, in their usual class with their usual teacher.
I never understood the point of it.

It got dropped earlier in the year though I don't know why.

However, having recently started secondary school, he is not used to getting any homework and it is a bit of a culture shock.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 11/09/2014 23:58

I think homework is getting to be too much. When I was at school we didn't do homework in Primary or juniors, occasionally we might have brought a reading book home, but nothing more.
When DD started school she didn't get homework until she was in year one, and it started as just reading until after Easter, and then they added in one work sheet with a week to complete it. Now she brings home maths and literacy worksheets, plus she is expected to fill in a reading log every night. I don't have time to read with her every single night, I try but goodness knows when I am supposed to have time to do that. Also the last set of worksheets for maths were difficult - I even asked her teacher for clarification on one question, and she didn't know what it meant?!
DS has just started reception, and brought home a reading book already, plus a reading log (I think they want him to read with us every day), and apparently he will have homework set on a Friday to return on Mondays, every week. He is 4.
I don't understand why there is such a drive for homework at such a young age. It takes up time that could be used learning important life skills and social skills, as well as spending time playing out as a family.

MandarinCheesecake · 12/09/2014 00:26

This is the reason why I am glad that dd has finally left primary school.

Some of her homework tasks were virtually impossible or extremely difficult, having to do a ton of research or making some random crap that could take a couple of hours just to record the outcome. she also had to do reading and times tables every night regardless of anything else she was given.
Don't even get me started on the fecking termly projects.

DD would get stressed to the point of tears and i'm sure most of the teachers were just following the guidelines but not actually setting age appropriate work. DD's year 1 teacher was on another planet.
At her school the work could not be completed without maximum parental input and with awards/certificates given for the "Best" thus actively encouraging competitive parenting and I cant see how this benefited the kids in anyway shape or form.

It got worse as she made her way up the year groups.
She started secondary school last Thursday and it has been a joy to see her eager to sit down and complete the homework tasks given without any input from me!

MandarinCheesecake · 12/09/2014 00:29

sorry that should have read dd year 2 teacher was on another planet!

Year 1 teacher was rather lovely!!!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/09/2014 00:36

I think you should assist her with it this week but have a chat with the teacher about both the fact that DD is finding it impossible to do it with reasonable parental input and also that a big homework should include a weekend to do it.

tanukiton · 12/09/2014 00:42

I live in Japan. My daughter is 6. Every FUCKING night! Meaningless rote crap. Even the reading is the same paragraph x2 every evening. I weep. still looks like the Gov. wants to go the same way in the uk :)

The problem in the uk is they print alot of sheets of the internet without really checking the content.

By the way, If you want to narrow your research/googling, type in Grade 1 primary kindergarden before the search item. That should narrow down the content to a more appropriate level also check out enchanted learning .com

HerRoyalNotness · 12/09/2014 00:57

At DS1s new school in USA for grade 2, minimum 30mins a night. They have a schedule which goes:

Monday. Maths and read 10mins
Tuesday Word work and read 10mins
Wednesday math and read 10mins
Thursday word work and read 10 mins
Friday (!) poetry folder
And then(!!!)
At least 3 times a week fastt maths and istation. I have no clue what these are but am guessing they're online. We only have one laptop which we have Very Important files on so I'm not about to let the DC loose on that.

We work full time, DH not home until 8pm, I get in at 5pm, have dinner and after school activities to go too and have to squeeze in some relax time as well as bathing and story before bed. Wonderful.

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