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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tell me your honest to god experiences with your newborn

66 replies

Mitsufishi · 11/09/2014 13:56

I am going through hell for the third time around with a newborn.

Everyone says 'sleep when they skeep'. But how? Mine would never sleep, in bed, on me, maybe in a buggy or sling if in constant motion. They all went on to be horrific sleepers so 'this too' did not pass.

My mother says 'all newborns are like that, people who say otherwise are lying'. So it's just me who can't cope then?

Honestly tell me, what was your experience with a newborn. Because I have friends who seem to have had it easy and have seen evidence of it. My mother insists people are lying to show off. But I don't think there's such a fashion for that any more and that actually if anything people often tend to make things sound worse than they are these days rather than the other way around. In any case I've seen friends newborns and babies that effortlessly doze off and wonder a thousand times over what I'm doing wrong.

OP posts:
ItWasMyOwnSilence · 11/09/2014 19:04

Honestly... Horrific. DD1 was not a sleeper, had to be fed to sleep, would only sleep on me when napping during the day. Hated buggy. Hated car seat. Woke almost hourly at night. Finally started sleeping through at 2.3 years.

When DD2 arrived I was convinced it would be better and I was due a sleeper Hmm nope. She's worse. 6 months in and my house is a mess as I cannot put her down to nap. My marriage is suffering because I am stressed and exhausted through surviving on 5 hours broken sleep a night. My poor 2 year old is misbehaving because of all the stress at home.

Sorry, I hope it gets easier for you Thanks

minipie · 11/09/2014 19:10

Mitsu have you checked out things like tongue tie (runs in families)?

or reflux?

Some babies are just bad sleepers but for mine it was definitely made worse by tongue tie.

maddening · 11/09/2014 19:11

Mine was an unputdownable needy sleeper - ended up co sleeping on a double mattress on ds' floor at 10 mths (too squashed with dfiance in our bed) I wish I'd done that sooner as I could nap with him no problem there!

And he fed whenever he liked - the only thing I enforced was trying to keep awake time to the right length so he didn't get over tired - if he was ready for a nap earlier it wasn't a stress - just if was awake for too long. I got through a lot of catch up TV and series' I'd not had the chance to see before and dfiance took over cleaning etc for a while as I was knackered.

It was exhausting though! (Wouldn't swap him for the world :) )

elsbethy · 11/09/2014 19:28

I've had one of each: it's not you, it's them!

This! My first was a nightmare. I think she slept curled up in a ball in the bottom of her pram once. That's about the only time I can recall her sleeping in the first six months.

My new one is 4 months old, ebf on demand, and it's been ok. Feeding lying down and cosleeping since day one has saved me

I don't keep track of his feelings at all, but I know he very rarely goes 3 hours between feeds. Oh, and I look like crap and my house is a tip.

HaveYouTriedARewardChart · 11/09/2014 19:28

No 1 - unputdownable, terrible sleeper
No 2 - woke up frequently to feed but could be put down after
No 3 (1 week old) goes four or five hours overnight in moses basket. Feeds all day to make up for it though!

Ebf, on demand, though no 1 was mixed to start with. And with no 1 I didn't really 'get' the idea of feeding a newborn - remember thinking you can't be hungry you only fed two hours ago! Ha ha ha. My newborn DC3 is now feeding about every 30 mins through the day Grin God knows how I'm going to manage when dp goes back to work!

waterrat · 11/09/2014 19:49

Mine will go to sleep without being rocked etc if I put dummy in and swaddle

Minimoom · 11/09/2014 19:52

I'm afraid I have nothing useful to add except to say I understand how you feel.

I have had two high needs/sleep refusers and it is bloody hard. I constantly worry that its my fault that I'm doing something wrong. I look at friends babies who just 'fall asleep' with absolute amazement. I also envy people with babies that are happy to just 'sit' be it in a high chair, buggy or on the floor with toys. Mine seem to need constant amusement, movement and attention.

DD1 is 3.5 and will now mostly sleep through the night but only because my DH sleeps with her. My DS1 1yr co-sleeps with me and still wakes 3-5 times a night.

I am so envious of people with 'good babies' I have really struggled to accept that I am not the chilled out relaxed mother I thought I would be. I want to want more children iykwim but the reality is I'm pretty certain I would really not be able to cope with a third baby who is the same- that and the fact I've now run out of beds;)

Anyway enough about me mit just know you're not alone!

Peppa87 · 11/09/2014 20:34

It was exhausting, challenging, draining, sleep depriving, frustrating and the hardest time of my life. But in turn it was amazing, wonderful, exciting, rewarding and the most memorable time of my life.
It will absolutely get better, hang in there Smile xx

mewkins · 11/09/2014 21:17

I have had a sleeper and a non-sleeper. Dc1was hopeless....would fight sleep as she was so alert from day 1 and progressed to waking every 40mins through the night. I couldn't put her down in the day or she woulx scream. Also very colicky. It took me 4 years to have dc2 and he is her polar opposite. For the first 6 weeks he barely woke up and would sleep in a little ball anywhere. He is now 3 months and much more alert so fights sleep a bit more but still oodles better thandd at that age. Dd is actually a brilliant sleepee now.

georgieporgie1 · 11/09/2014 21:52

Hi
I haven't rtft so sorry if I'm repeating, but I have two dc, both of which I would consider good sleepers. So, if you genuinely want to know what I did...

My motto for the first three months was - whatever works. Anything - sleep in a sling, dummies, music, pushchair, car (for naps, not nighttime!), whatever meant I could get some rest. Oh, and I would agree with the moses basket theory I read near the start of the thread - both mine hated it too. They threw their arms around, hit the sides and woke up screaming.

Then, between three and six months I did very gentle sleep training - always going to sleep at same time, in same place, with same music playing. Never left them to cry, but never held them to sleep - picked up, calmed, put down, sometimes a lot, lot of times. The routine did mean I was restricted in my movements as they both liked the cot at home and wouldn't sleep anywhere else (could get away with the travel cot luckily), but it worked, and continued to work even when they are toddlers - they go half way up the stairs because they know that's what's next. And both sleep beautifully now as older children too, still listening to the same music.

I put a lot down to using the same music actually - I think it ends up like a reflex - hear the music, automatically they start to feel sleepy.

This was my method, but obviously many people don't like the restrictiveness of it. Personally sleep was my top priority, so I put up with the difficulties...!

However, neither eats any veg, so you can't have it all ways!!

georgieporgie1 · 11/09/2014 22:02

Sorry, have re-read your post, and have not really answered what you wanted. Ignore previous post if it's not helpful...

Yes, a newborn is hard! I think just use anything that works and not worry about the rod for your back stuff. Just get through it anyhow you can!

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 11/09/2014 22:06

Dd1 - would happily fall asleep by herself, anywhere. Got pictures of her asleep in the laundry basket. Slept right through for at least 12 hours from 6 weeks.

Dd2 - fucking nightmare. Would not settle unless she was lying on me, with my nipple in her mouth. Woke up every 45 minutes without fail for the first 8.5 months, at which point I had to leave her to cry herself to sleep (only took one night to learn) for my own sanity.

RandomMess · 11/09/2014 22:06

I have 4 dc, they were all different but only one was a horrific sleeper - cranial osteopath did help, so did getting her silent reflux treated (that was a fight to get diasnosed) most of all what helped was getting her adrenalin calmed down.

However it is hard work and some far more than others, if my third had been the eldest I don't think there would have been 4 she nearly broke me tbh.

hollie84 · 11/09/2014 22:12

I have 2 and the newborn bit was fairly easy tbh. They slept a lot (DS2 slept about 18 hours a day for the first 3 months) but they also breastfed frequently, at least every couple of hours day and night. Also bloody loved the baby swing and dummies!

Both of them would sleep on my chest at first, then in bed with me, then within a couple of months in a basket/cot. They will both fall asleep anywhere, including in a jumperoo or highchair.

However, DS1 didn't sleep through the night until 2.5 years old, and DS2 is 6 months and still up at least twice before coming into bed with me by 5am.

Jamrollypolly · 11/09/2014 22:13

My dd1 was a very light sleeper she hardly slept as a baby. Now at 13 years old she won't sleep in the night and won't wake up in the morning!!

MrsMook · 11/09/2014 22:32

Mine have been mid-range. Absolutely no rush to sleep through, but not particularly high needs. With Ds2, I did a lot more co-sleeping, and when I got the chance to rest, I used the postnatal relaxation Cd to help me doze off as I'm not a natural napper. Even with waking every 2-3 hours for a 30 min feed, I find the newborn phase easier than random pregnancy insomnia and regular waking for the toilet or reactivating an SPD ridden body.

Ds2 has only got into proper naps since about 1. He's also a low sleep high energy baby. Until he got fully mobile, it took hours in the jumperooto burn him out for bbedtime. I need an energy transplant from him!

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