Tell me your honest to god experiences with your newborn

[Mitsufishi]

I am going through hell for the third time around with a newborn.

Everyone says 'sleep when they skeep'. But how? Mine would never sleep, in bed, on me, maybe in a buggy or sling if in constant motion. They all went on to be horrific sleepers so 'this too' did not pass.

My mother says 'all newborns are like that, people who say otherwise are lying'. So it's just me who can't cope then?

Honestly tell me, what was your experience with a newborn. Because I have friends who seem to have had it easy and have seen evidence of it. My mother insists people are lying to show off. But I don't think there's such a fashion for that any more and that actually if anything people often tend to make things sound worse than they are these days rather than the other way around. In any case I've seen friends newborns and babies that effortlessly doze off and wonder a thousand times over what I'm doing wrong.

DD is 10 weeks and has so far been quite easy. For the first couple of weeks she wanted feeding every couple of hours and never slept except when cuddled by someone, but if she was cuddled then she slept beautifully. DH and I tag-teamed sleeping for a couple of days, and then tried co-sleeping, which worked really well - all of us asleep for 3-4 hour stretches. When she was about six weeks we started putting her in the crib at the beginning of the night and co-sleeping after her night feeds. Now she will happily sleep in her crib at night, even after waking for feeds or nappy changes. She usually wakes no more than twice overnight too, which is nice. In the day she naps best if you're cuddling her, driving, or pushing her in the pram - the parked pram works sometimes though. I feel very lucky!

Hang on in there :)

I hear what you're saying completely - I had a nightmare with my first - never slept unless on me or whilst BFing. Even being in motion in a pram was very hit and miss... I was hallucinating half the time for the first few months cos of never getting more than a couple of hours sleep at a time. Now DS is 3.5 and is a pretty good sleeper and I'm expecting no. 2 (waited until I'd finally got over the bad sleeping time of the first 2 years until I could even contemplate having another!) and I'm kind of praying now that I get one of those magic 'sleepers' that I read and hear about. I honestly don't know what it must be like having a baby that can be just put down and they go to sleep...

Like what wiseguys says.

You're never really prepared for the sleeplessness. You know full well it is going to be hard. Everyone knows. Sure, you've been tired, maybe you remember doing overnight bus journeys in your backpacking days, maybe you've worked shifts, long days, night shifts etc, and you've done it with the hangover from hell. But you're never really prepared for the tiredness of being a new mum, because as well as the physical exhaustion, it's the emotional exhaustion of having this beautiful, tiny, precious, brand new person, who is totally dependent on you.

Oh and the hormones.

My baby didn't sleep without contact with my body until about 10 months and still at two will only go to sleep on me and only sleep n his crib for a few hours. Some babies sleep well, some are receptive to sensible strategies (bed time routines, schedules etc.) some are like mine and won't sleep whatever you try. I've just accepted it and ignore the people who say "it's easy to get a baby to sleep if only you'd do xyz"

Oh, and I also have to admit I put DS to sleep on his front in the end as that was the only way to get him to settle at all at night...

It was hard. I wasn't expecting DS to refuse to sleep anywhere but on me. In retrospect we should have tried more things like vibrating bouncers etc, instead we just took the line of least resistance and let him take all his naps on us. It didn't create any rods but I think it prolonged a difficult period.

I was very lonely. I was expecting to make friends but it didn't happen. I did all the groups etc but never managed to hit it off with anyone. But I tell myself that if I had made friends with other new mums I would have just got depressed at them doing a better job of it than me anyway.

DS is five now and I still feel very sad when I think about those days. I hoped when we had no 2 I could have another go at getting it 'right'. Sadly it wasn't to be.

I also knew a mum who complained that her 18 month old had "gone down" to sleeping only 2.5 hours during the day and 12.5 hours at night. She also didn't realize that when people moaned about night waking it was because the baby needed help going back to sleep. Her daughter would wake up look around and go straight back to sleep and had be the same since birth (she never left her to cry).

DD was a terrible sleeper. she slept in 45 minute stints at night. I got maybe 30 mins sleep all night. Then I would give up at 8am and take her down stairs ready for the midwives / health visitor to arrive (they never gave a time just after 9am and before 4pm - helpful not!). I would wash and dress her and pop her in the bouncy chair whilst I made lots of coffee... where she would promptly fall asleep for 5 hours straight! I would try to sleep during that time, but everytime I drifted off the HV would turn up, or the phone would ring etc.
I was like a zombie for the first 6 weeks. I got to the point one night where I had done everything, fed her, changed her, winded her, cuddled her, sung to her - you name it and yet she continued to cry. I woke my husband and said you need to take her now!
I passed her to him and went downstairs and sat crying in the dark for about 10 minutes. I went back up and they were both sound asleep.
The night after I was feeding her and I fell asleep with her across my chest. I woke in a panic - she was sound asleep on me, and we had both been asleep for 4 hours. I felt so guilty, but so good after sleeping.
After that we read up on co-sleeping and tried it. From then on DD slept beautifully, in 4 hour stints between feeds.
DS we co-slept from day 1, and that boy was an amazing sleeper to start with, slept in 5 hour stints - only woke once in the night for a feed. I coped an awful lot better on that sleep!
My HV did not approve at all, and so I forced him in to a cot at about 5 weeks, and it did not work at all. He woke every half hour, refused to settle etc. After 6 nights of that I said enough now, lets co-sleep. He started sleeping through in my bed.
I know co-sleeping is not recommended according to all the health care professionals, but it worked for us.

I planned to co-sleep, which is good because the baby I got would NOT sleep anywhere but on me, or next to me or in a pushchair - and I thought he was a great sleeper! So just goes to show that people can have different perceptions of the same thing. Once the horrendous breastfeeding problems were resolved and I cracked co-sleeping, I had minimal sleep deprivation because he'd feed in his sleep and I would barely register it. I could not put him down "drowsy", but in the evenings or day, if we weren't out, I would feed him to sleep and then put him down when he was well and truly asleep. He stopped feeding at night at about 12 months and slept without waking at all from that point forward (except for a week at the 18 month sleep regression where he'd be wide awake at 3am wanting to play)

This thread has made me feel so much better already. Thanks everyone.

Question re feed on demand. I found all mine fed every 1.5 hours or so (EBF). HVs always say hmm yes 2-3 hours is fine. Does everyone else who feeds on deman find sometimes it is definitely more than every two hours?

Mitsufishi How often you need to feed will depend on your storage capacity (Google 'storage capacity kellymom') in your breasts (which is unrelated to size). Some mums can feed every 2 to 3 hours, some can't. This is why when babies are fed on schedule every 3 hours, it'll work with some mums and not others.

Just do whatever maximises sleep for all of you. And congratulations on your baby

My newborn slept (initially due to jaundice and I had to wake her to feed) and it was down to feeding her to sleep basically. Some people would say she comfort sucked but that did not matter to me. So she would have bath etc at 8 then downstairs, dressed and fed then I would sit on the sofa and feed feed feed until she went slack jawed then I transferred her to bed which was a hammock style bed and it gently bounced and swung with movement. When I say feed feed feed, I mean for about 90 minutes. Some afternoons she would only nap feeding on me. But what was good was that she would voluntarily sleep, on her own from 0900-1200. I stumbled upon it when I put her in her hammock while I had a shower and came back to find her day dreaming, so I crept out and she was asleep in minutes and it set a nice little pattern for a few weeks.

When she was older, naps were brought about normally by twice daily dog walks.

As a newborn she started to sleep through at 4 weeks by which I mean from about 2230-0800 but then that all changed at 16 weeks!

If you go with feeding on demand then don't worry about how often it happens! There is no right or wrong. My DD fed for 30 mins, each side every feed. When she was older, the length of feed only ever dropped to 40 mins.

Mitsufishi absolutely! My newborn DD can be pretty textbook one day, feeding every 4 hours - and cluster feed all through the next day.

With DS, again fed on demand, he would go 5-6 hours between feeds.

For god sake unless they are losing weight and not feeding well don't wake a sleeping baby!!! Especially when you are finding it difficult to settle thhem. Our HV was really arsey with me about this but, quite frankly, I knew my baby and his needs.

Yes feeding on demand is definitely more often than every 2 hours. I think they say you shouldn't let them go longer than 2-3 hours don't they?

My newborn slept but I used to feed him constantly, cuddle him and lie in bed with him. That was basically all we did, snuggle in bed, sit on the sofa breastfeeding and mucking about on the internet, transfer to a bouncy chair if I wanted to do something else, stick him in the pushchair or sling when we went out. He slept when he slept. I think the whole rod for your back thing is total nonsense TBH. My "newborn" is nearly six now and wouldn't dream of having any assistance to fall asleep, or sleeping less than about 14 hours in a row. He still drinks ridiculous quantities of milk but he walks to the fridge and complains that I need to buy more instead of crying about it!

It's just relative, you know? Yeah of course I'd have to do things differently if/when I have another child and I can't spend all day in bed but I think I'd still take all of the shortcuts that I can find. Babies aren't dogs, there's no point training them because they grow up and then they do all of the things like sleeping and going longer than 10 minutes without needing food all by themselves.

DD was a dream baby. Happy to sleep from 10-6 by 6 weeks. Before then, woke for a 1:30am feed. Happy to be carried around during the day or plopped in her carry seat whatsit. Rarely cried. Vomited once.

Never read a parenting book. Didn't even know anyone with a baby. Seems I was lucky:

From 0-6 weeks DS was a dream. Then the colic, reflux and CMPA kicked in (when I switched to formula due to inadequate supply) and it was hell. Screamed in pain for an hour after each bottle so never just dozed off after a feed, screamed in pain for an hour about an hour after that when he pooed, then once id settled him it was time for the next feed. This lasted for about 2 months until we had got medication right and got him on prescription formula and then it slowly got better.

I think there was little we could have done differently in that time, we just did what we needed to survive basically. Even once things settled down we've stuck with a 'go with the flow' approach and just taken each day as it comes. Even at 13 months, if DS wakes at night we take turns dealing with him or just sling him in with us. If other things don't work he gets a bottle to settle him back to sleep. Other mums have been horrified that after dropping the night bottle I might consider re-introducing it, but its only occasionally and it doesn't seem to be becoming a habit. 9 times out of 10 he still sleeps through.

What im trying to say is that by trying not to make a rod for your own back, you might be making a rod for your own back. Get a swing or vibrating chair and give it a go. Borrow one if you can as they might not like it but its worth a go!

DS1 was a nightmare. He had undiagnosed tongue tie which affected his feeding, breathing and sleeping. He cried for the first 9 weeks and didn't sleep regularly through the night until 5yo.

DS2 was a piece of piss. Fed well, slept well and was placid and fitted in no problems.

DD was a bad sleeper - it was a long time before I could put her down anywhere to sleep. She would sleep for an hour here and there on me and sometimes on DH. It's exhausting and incapacitating. My saviour was a sling (so I could do stuff very little in my zombie-state ) and then around 12 weeks I could put her down for longer periods without her screeching by doing the following: swaddling, rolling up a towel in a circle to make a nest in her Moses basket, covering said nest with fleecy blanket, putting a hot-water bottle on the blanket to warm it before attempting to put sleeping baby down. That might sound ludicrous and friends told me I was creating a "gourmet baby"/rod for my own back etc but who cares when it gets you some precious sleep. And by 12-18 months she was an alright sleeper and started settling herself quite happily of her own accord.

The dire warnings Mums are given about what not to do routine-wise are a load of crap IMO. I can't help thinking that when they are so small, babies will do what they are going to do regardless of our efforts. Just do what you need to do now and don't fret about the months to come - it'll all have changed by then anyway. Babies do keep you on your toes!

I think lots of people forget how bad it can be - I remember very clearly because I kept a journal of the torture magical first months.

A swing was my godsend when DS was a baby. He was a crap sleeper, and it was the only way I could eat without having a baby attached to me.

DS (4 months) has been quite a good sleeper at nights but terrible at napping unless I am holding him. Weirdly (I have no idea why), if DH is holding him and he falls asleep, he goes down much more easily than for me. I have been putting him into his vibrating chair once he falls asleep on me and that works quite well and he now takes longer naps. Swaddling was great but the transition out of it was quite tough. We also used a sleepyhead in his cot and I think that was good too (he grew out of it fast - I wish he hadn't as the main thing that wakes him is when he flings his arms out!).

I think the "rod for your own back" advice is annoying. Do what you need to to do keep yourself sane. My baby has a totally different set of sleep patterns from friends of mine with babies the same age - some nap like champions but don't sleep at nights, others sleep all the time, some cry lots, some don't. I am pretty sure it is just the way they are.

I've got an easy baby so far - she's 13 weeks (so I'm aware things may change! ), but she's been in a routine of going down to sleep at about 1900 since she was six weeks and she's never yet been any problem. She's just started sleeping through too - I feed her when I go to bed some time between 2200 and 2300, and then she sleeps till somewhere between 0600 and 0800.

She barely sleeps in the day though, and she does need a lot of entertainment and stimulation when she's awake.

I co sleep and nap when dc2 naps. Learnt my lesson from dc1 who at three slept through in own bed and now doesn't get into my bed (much)

My 3 DC were very good sleepers at night but during the day there was a lot of electric swing, bouncy chair and rocking crib action going on.