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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever taken an instant dislike of someone?

63 replies

Poppet1974 · 10/09/2014 23:10

Have you ever just not liked the look of someone without ever having spoken to them?
What is it that you didn't like?
I think a school gate mum really dislikes me but yet I've never actually spoken with her! My DS has never have any dealings with her DS but they ended up at the same rugby class (outside of school), they just started last week. When we were there after school on Monday I sort of tripped whilst walking over to give my DS his water bottle and I could hear her laughing really loudly at me. Was def me she was laughing at, she was standing alone and was staring at me and laughing when I looked round to see who it was. It really upset me actually. I just don't understand it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppet1974 · 10/09/2014 23:12

Sorry that was meant for 'chat'.

OP posts:
WarblingOyster · 10/09/2014 23:17

I have with certain people (I haven't let it be known) and it's just a vibe I get off them - once the thought is in my head, I can't ever shake the first impression. There's a friend of a friend I've never liked and she hasn't done anything to make me feel this way, I just do. I think it's mutual.
It goes both ways, I can tell when people don't like me but I don't sweat it.

Give her a wide berth anyway. I wouldn't have laughed in your face and I find people tripping hilarious. I wait until they're gone and then have a good chuckle Grin

Lally112 · 10/09/2014 23:23

I have a long list of people I have taken an instant dislike to, and only twice have I been wrong. Theres a reason I prefer to work in agriculture though, I deal better with livestock and machinery than humans.

MrsWinnibago · 10/09/2014 23:31

Maybe she's very socially awkward and was trying to engage with you? Laughing along and expecting you to do an eye roll and laugh with her?

Otherwise...laughing alone like that just makes her look unstable surely?

MartyrStewart · 10/09/2014 23:37

I have never had this until this week. A guy who was visiting my work site, I had no dealings with him, didn't speak to him.

I saw him as I was coming in to work and all the hairs on the back of my neck went up. I just put it down to an early start and the fact I am not a morning person.

I saw him later in the canteen, a normal looking bloke, still no reason to speak to him.

I just shuddered with revulsion and had to leave.

Still no idea who he is and why he was there.

Bambambini · 10/09/2014 23:43

I've disliked or at least been cautious when meeting some folk. Some of these folk turned out to be great friends.

mawbroon · 10/09/2014 23:47

There are only a few people I have taken an instant dislike to.

And I haven't changed my mind about any of them over the years.

Redcoats · 10/09/2014 23:49

I usually take a instant dislike to loud shouty 'look at me types'.

overslept · 10/09/2014 23:58

I met somebody, thought he was really, really scummy. I saw him in passing a few times as relative of a friend but chose to avoid/ignore.

I'm not living with him and we are a couple... I got him totally wrong. Blush Grin

The mum at the school gates sounds awful though, avoid, she sounds vile.

Original poster
Poppet1974 · 11/09/2014 00:04

I couldn't be further from the 'loud, shouty, look at me types', I have a chat whilst waiting for the children but no gossiping, talk to different people and just pass myself really. Don't mind standing on my own either, I'm a bit bland, nothing offensive to cause such dislike.
To be honest with you all it's actually a Dad of one on my DS's classmates! Its just really strange. His laughing really got to me for me reason, probably because I've had a bit of a shitty day.

OP posts:
overslept · 11/09/2014 00:06

now*

MartyrStewart · 11/09/2014 00:10

That's what I thought, Poppet, but I still felt the same hours later. It was like it was instinctive.

Topaz25 · 11/09/2014 00:11

It's not you, it's her. How immature of her to laugh when someone tripped! If she does something like that again I would either ignore her or look at her in a surprised way and ask if she's OK. Her behaviour is bizarre.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 11/09/2014 00:15

Blimey op she sounds a right silly cow. Unless of course it's as MrsWinnibago said and that sounds quite sensible.

Yes I have and been completely wrong on some occasions and right on others.

mimishimmi · 11/09/2014 01:52

She was nasty to laugh. lots of people have the same reaction to me though. I think something about my facial expressions puts them off (rbf) without me intending it to (or me thinking the ugly thoughts that would normally be associated with creating such a face. It does get me down at times and I find it very difficult to make 'fast' friends.

Bulbasaur · 11/09/2014 03:22

Depends, I've taken an instant dislike to repairmen before, but I think that's just because it just rubs me the wrong way having to let someone I don't know into the house.

Chottie · 11/09/2014 03:52

Yes, sometimes I have taken a dislike to someone. But I try not to show it and to rise above it. I know it's very judgmental to make a snap decision about someone I do not even know.

MokunMokun · 11/09/2014 04:24

Did you say it was a dad? Maybe he fancies you? I'd just blank him, you have enough going on in your life without someone like that bothering you.

Snowmonkey77 · 11/09/2014 06:10

I often find that people I have a strong irrational aversion to at first often become really good friends! I'm sure there's a chemical attraction/ revulsion thing going on...

poohbunny · 11/09/2014 06:27

I have this with a person at work - there's a manager who has nothing to do with me but who I see a lot at meetings and I just 'know' by how she looks at me that she really dislikes me - she's quite aggressive and outspoken and I'm not so I think she sees me as 'weak' and not worth talking to giving/respect to. I don't let it bother me, just one of those things - however, I wouldn't go out of my way to help her.

I was really interested to read what MartyrStewart said about having a bad reaction to a guy at work. That is a real 'instinct' reaction and there will be a reason why your body/mind has reacted to him that way. I'm currently reading a book called 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin de Becker that gives a fascinating insight into this area and how we should heed reactions like this and not try and down play them.

Groovee · 11/09/2014 06:44

There was a guy who came in thinking he could take over ds's sports club. There was something about the first email which had me thinking he was on an ego trip and something which made me wary about him. He couldn't give a straight answer to any questions.

Dh laughed at the time but in a short time, we found out he'd been chucked out his previous club for bullying the children. Then I had concerns after BIL had a dealing with him and what BIL said he had said to him.

It wasn't long before he flipped his lid because we wouldn't pay the bills he was running up.

He suddenly left our club and went to another one and he tried to defraud my friend who exposed him and made everyone aware of him.

He's now moved towns and doing something similar there.

Madamecastafiore · 11/09/2014 06:47

Yep, there is a lady at school with a boy in my son's class. Her other son also attends the cricket club my son plays for and DS has tried to be friends with her son and asked him round, she was non committal and then it was never mentioned again and I thought she was a bit weird and off and then she blanked me at a cricket match last week.

It's really bizarre as I am friendly with most people and just can't understand why she behaves like this. Almost a bit superior.

spidey66 · 11/09/2014 06:58

There's a guy in my zumba class who I hate despite never having spoken to. He's such a show off. He's clearly a dancer but my God likes to let the rest of us know. Does all these complicated twists and turns that are not what the instructor does. He has no spatial awareness and gets in everyone's way as a result.

When I'm doing the class and I can't see the instructor properly, I tend to focus on another gym member who appears to know what they're doing and focus on what they're doing. I never follow him though cos he ain't doing what we're supposed to be doing!

poolomoomon · 11/09/2014 07:14

Oh yes, many a time. It's often the loud in your face sort, they're just not my cup of tea and drive me to insanity.

I took an instant dislike to my mum's best friend when I was a child. I must have been about seven, just didn't trust her and got bad vibes off her from the start. She is a snake, she's still friends with my mum and I still don't trust her. She's very false, laughs and smiles with every sentence to prove how friendly and happy she is. It's hard to explain, I just don't like her vibe at all and from such a young age!

I don't actively show these people how much I dislike them though. I'd never laugh at them like this woman did, that's a bit attention seeking if you ask me. I just avoid people with the bad vibes and know not to trust them.

LL12 · 11/09/2014 07:44

I have had a parent at the school gates have an obvious dislike of me even though I didn't even know who she was, all I knew was that she would give me very obvious filthy looks.
I did get to me as I thought what the heck is your problem? I don't even know you.
Turned out she is the mother of a girl that bullied my daughter in a previous school, she obviously did not like it that her daughter got in trouble with the head because of her bullying. Like Mother like daughter it seems.