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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school admissions. ..I am being reasonably unreasonable

52 replies

NamesNick · 10/09/2014 17:26

I want to encourage dd to be anything she wants. to nurture her through life.

and I believe schools have/should have the same view I.e 'you can be what you want, don't let anything hold you back, follow your dream etc'

however my experience is now...yes, you can do all of these things...as long as you fit into our specific criteria.

I feel like this is a massive contradiction which irritates me slightly.

I dont like the 'tick box' criteria.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 10/09/2014 17:28

What does that have to do with admissions? I feel like I missed the link between the title and the post.

MrsWolowitz · 10/09/2014 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyGnome · 10/09/2014 17:31

Has she failed to get into a particular school?

InternetFOREVER · 10/09/2014 17:36

I hate the "you can be anything you want" attitude that you see on X-Factor - people blindly following dreams that they have no realistic chance of achieving can be extremely damaging. There are many dreams and ambitions that also need to fit within external criteria - you could have a dream of getting into Oxford but if you can only gets Cs in your A levels its not going to happen.
So, YABU - teaching children to realistically assess their dreams is much more important in my opinion.

minifingers · 10/09/2014 17:40

Yup, I get ya.

"Poshminster School For Girls" - creating excellence since 1623 but only for children with rich parents, or very clever girls with impoverished parents who may qualify for a bursary. Less clever children with skint parents or clever children with middle-income parents need not apply

Or 'St Mary's Catholic School' - 'nurturing the leaders of the future' but only the ones whose parents are god-botherers. Children of non-churchers, feck off why dontcha

Andrewofgg · 10/09/2014 17:41

The first round of the X-factor is sufficient proof that not everyone can succeed in their dreams!

RocksRCool · 10/09/2014 17:41

I think there is a lot of back story here. OP, are you going to elaborate?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/09/2014 17:48

I'm not sure of the link to admissions...

Nomama · 10/09/2014 17:49

Or do as you want... but sorry sweetheart you really need the grades first?

I have had so very many of these phone calls this week.

The answer is no - what makes you think your child will flourish in A levels if they failed to gain a single GCSE at D grade? And besides that, we wouldn't get funding for your child, they MUST have specific grades for us to get paid... no, we don't control that but yes, you could pay and be a private student, even in a state school... no? Bye!

Original poster
NamesNick · 10/09/2014 17:51

apologies. dd had been rejected for a certain school and for perfectly valid reasons (within their criteria) mainly the fact that she is not baptised roman Catholic.

she had two step siblings currently at the school and I suppose I wanted them all to attend same school.

step siblings are baptised. dd is not. and I feel it would be fraudulent just to get dd baptised to go to the school.

having said that, i have considered baptism but again it looks like there are many other hoops to jump through to get her baptised.

I understand the reasons for all of this and am just a little prickly about it. I can very much see the point in setting criteria but in my situation with dd I feel it would be more detrimental to our family set up to have them educated in different settings.

im being selfish and unreasonable. but I hope its in a reasonable way

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 10/09/2014 17:51

Did she not get the grades she needed for 6th form?

Hakluyt · 10/09/2014 17:52

Ah. Well, that's what happens when you let irrelevant stuff like religion interfere in the education system.

Original poster
NamesNick · 10/09/2014 17:53

we are talking reception. not secondary school.

so before a child is even given the chance to embark on education they are being pigeon holed

OP posts:
ArsenicFaceCream · 10/09/2014 17:54

but yes, you could pay and be a private student, even in a state schoo

Really nomama?!

LIZS · 10/09/2014 17:54

Confused If she's already been rejected chances are it is too late to get her baptised and meet the criteria anyway. If you want her to be her own person then it may even be better to not have the footsteps of siblings to follow.

Original poster
NamesNick · 10/09/2014 18:03

lizs. yes perhaps you are right...

OP posts:
chopinbabe · 10/09/2014 18:04

Why do you want her to go to a school whose religion you don't share? I think you will find the clue is on the tin.........Catholic.

How do you think Catholic parents would feel if they were told that their catholic child didn't have a place because you wanted your non-Catholic child to be with her step siblings?

If it is that important to you, see if the step siblings are happy to move to a non Catholic school where they can all be together unhampered by religion.

minifingers · 10/09/2014 18:06

fair

There you go.

The system of admissions run by many church schools is absolutely disgraceful.

Now that schools in some areas are hideously over subscribed and there is a shortage of school places this issue is going to become more and more prominent.

Time for legislation - I hope lots of people put their voices behind the campaign.

Nomama · 10/09/2014 18:07

Yes, Arsenic, subject to some other weird and wonderful rules Smile Sorry to derail a little bit!!

MyIrnBru · 10/09/2014 18:08

I'd be upset.

I'm RC. I'd have her baptised. Its usually very easy. There really aren't many hoops.

MrsBoldon · 10/09/2014 18:10

She's not baptised so she can't go to that school. Same as she can't go to an Islamic school or an all boys school because she doesn't fit their criteria.

I don't think she's being pigeonholed at all.

minifingers · 10/09/2014 18:10

"Why do you want her to go to a school whose religion you don't share? I think you will find the clue is on the tin.........Catholic."

Because the school is primarily a state funded education institution and many children who attend will grow into adults who don't share their parents' faith.

"How do you think Catholic parents would feel if they were told that their catholic child didn't have a place because you wanted your non-Catholic child to be with her step siblings?"

Maybe the same way someone who isn't a church goer feels who lives on the doorstep of a school that is funded from their taxes, but from which their child is excluded on the basis of their parents, not their own religious choices.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 10/09/2014 18:19

She's not baptised so she can't go to that school. Same as she can't go to an Islamic school or an all boys school because she doesn't fit their criteria.

Assuming this is a state school, that is't true. The school can't refuse entry just because she isn't baptised. What they can do is prioritise baptised children over non-baptised children if they have more applicants than places.

About 40% of our local catholic school are not baptised catholics.

tiggytape · 10/09/2014 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diaimchlo · 10/09/2014 18:29

I attended a CofE Secondary School, that had a very good reputation. So when my daughter was ready to go on to Secondary School I put that school as my first choice. I was absolutely certain that she would get in as she attended the church linked to the school every Sunday from being only months old with my Mother.

I was horrified when she didn't and children who had only attended churches for a short while got in, I will add that they finished attending church as soon as they got in.

I took it to appeal which was one of the most horrendous experiences I have ever had to endure.... The reason they gave for not giving her a place was that I did not attend with her and she had not attended a CofE Primary. After explaining that I had 5 children, the youngest of which I was holding in my arms as he was only 5 days old, that my OH worked extremely long hours often spanning all of the weekend, I didn't drive and the nearest CofE school was a good couple of miles away. I was still told that I should have made the effort by a room of Pompous Pratts.

At the end I firmly told them that if they did consider they had a place for my DD she would not be taking it as I did not want her to be educated in the bigoted manner that they had run their appeal.

It really annoys me when I see posters say they attended a church and met certain criteria to get their child into a faith school, I find it extremely hypocritical.

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