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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

school admissions. ..I am being reasonably unreasonable

52 replies

NamesNick · 10/09/2014 17:26

I want to encourage dd to be anything she wants. to nurture her through life.

and I believe schools have/should have the same view I.e 'you can be what you want, don't let anything hold you back, follow your dream etc'

however my experience is now...yes, you can do all of these things...as long as you fit into our specific criteria.

I feel like this is a massive contradiction which irritates me slightly.

I dont like the 'tick box' criteria.

OP posts:

GoblinLittleOwl · 10/09/2014 18:35

I cannot understand why you want your child to go to a Catholic school when you don't follow the religion and won't have her baptised. Religion is central to catholic schools, and you should respect that.
'You can be what you want, don't let anything hold you back, follow your dream etc' but it is your beliefs which are holding her back, not hers.
Their is a way to achieve what you want, but it means observing other people's beliefs, and you are not prepared to compromise. At least you are honest, but don't blame the system and talk about people being pigeon-holed.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 10/09/2014 18:42

A catholic school is rather a bizarre choice for someone wanting to give their child a message of 'you can be whatever you want'.

That view and catholicism are not well known for going hand in hand. And I say that as a baptised catholic.

BramwellBrown · 10/09/2014 18:44

If shes already not got a place then she won't get one just because you get her baptised now as they will have already allocated all their spaces, plus most schools want you to attend mass regularly for x amount of time and get a form signed by the priest as well as being baptised.

DS is at a catholic school, DD didn't get in despite having been baptised and attending church regularly from a baby, there were people higher on the list, she also din't get into my 2nd or 3rd choices, again because there were other people higher on the list, its annoying but it happens, there just aren't enough spaces for everyone who wants them.

RocksRCool · 10/09/2014 18:44

Thanks for elaborating. YANBU It's a crazy world where you child is being excluded because of her parents religious beliefs. All state schools should be secular and open to all.

Original poster

NamesNick · 10/09/2014 18:46

I see the points you are making.

in my somewhat simple and idealist life I just want all of our children to attend same school. that's all.

but unfortunately that cannot be.

I will get over it.

OP posts:

Notso · 10/09/2014 18:49

you can be what you want, don't let anything hold you back, follow your dream

She's starting school not auditioning for X-Factor

plummyjam · 10/09/2014 18:50

State funded religious schools really need to be done away with. Discrimination of children on the basis of religion is unfair.

Original poster

NamesNick · 10/09/2014 18:54

I find the x factor comparisons a tad peculiar.

I was encouraged from an early age to follow my dream etc etc...this meant for me to get a particular career and participate in sports etc

long before x factor.

OP posts:

OddBoots · 10/09/2014 19:01

I'd love to encourage my ds to do whatever he likes but life isn't like that, there are restrictions so you just have to make the best of it. His disabilities mean he'll never be a pilot or surgeon but he could be a fab accountant or engineer. Your dd can't get in to a Catholic school but she can still go to another school and work just as hard and do just as well.

Hope and aspiration are important but resilience and adaptability are important too.

Andrewofgg · 10/09/2014 19:27

As one of the X-factor comparers, OP, I can assure you that I was not trying to be offensive - perhaps a bit flippant but not offensive. All I meant is that it is simply not true that children can all do what they want to do in adult life. Some simply do not have the talent or if they do not as much of it as others. And the first round of the X-factor makes that blatantly obvious.

Original poster

NamesNick · 10/09/2014 19:37

oh yes andrew. totally agree with you. but I like to think id encourage dd to do what she wants - within reason of course - and try to provide the tools she needs in doing so.

obviously there will come a time (many in fact) that realistically there will be things she just cannot do. ..whether it be physically or academically.

I understand that accepting you cannot do things is just as important as encouragement.

im just a little upset over the school situation because it separates dd from her step siblings.

this may however prove to be a good thing as a previous poster suggested

hey ho. it is what it is.

how's that for acceptance

I do feel better after my mini rant

OP posts:

HolidayPackingIsHardWork · 10/09/2014 19:43

Schools supported by taxpayers should be open to all children without exclusivity based on the social behaviour of the parents.

That said, after a few months you and your DD will be going forward in her new school, meeting new people, having new experiences, and getting stuck in. The sting of this will fade.

Andrewofgg · 10/09/2014 20:11

NamesNick All the best to you and dd. to you and there ought to be a big luscious ice-cream icon for her!

ladybirdandsnails · 10/09/2014 20:11

The school admissions process is ruthless and prescribed by school. If you really wanted her to go to the same RC school then your choice was simply to do what was needed to try and secure a place ie get her baptised way before application stage and attend church. You made a decision not to. The rules were not sprung on you unexpectedly. I do think all schools should be mixed faith but they aren't and it's unlikely to change, so until then ...

Eggsaregoodforyou · 10/09/2014 21:05

I also find it weird and a bit unsettling that religious schools get state funding for the opportunity to market their faiths and teachings, faith us IMO a matter for family and personal life not for support or otherwise in state funded educational institutions.

Fwiw I may be in the position next year of having no choice but to send my dc2 to a catholic primary, if this proves to fe the case I will go full time back to work and pay for the normal private prep school on the outskirts of town!

TheBuskersDog · 10/09/2014 21:20

I understand you being annoyed she can't go to the same school as her siblings, but I don't understand what that has to do with encouraging her to be whatever she wants in life, surely you can do that whatever school she is at?

MidniteScribbler · 11/09/2014 00:54

Not getting into a Catholic school at reception level is not going to have any bearing on her future as a supermodel/lawyer/cow wrangler/dentist/doctor/whatever she chooses to be.

Notso · 11/09/2014 15:01

I was being a bit flippant because those phrases now conjure up to me an image of someone who can't sing but has been entourages and told that they can.
That said I also found your follow your dreams comments peculiar in relation to school and Religion. From everything you have said it sounds like your wish and not hers, and in most religions it can be hard to be what you want to be if it doesn't conform.
If you aren't Catholic and are not bringing your child up to be Catholic then it can't surely be a dream for her to go to a Catholic school where she will be taught to be Catholic.
Schools generally don't go hand in hand with giving your kids the opportunity to be what they want to be anyway because they might not get into the school council/choir/football team, they might never get pupil of the week.

Anyway from your latest post I see you have blown off some steam. I hope your DD is happy in whatever school she goes to

FragileBrittleStar · 11/09/2014 15:09

But she is separated from her stepsiblings by the decision not to baptise her and bring her up as catholic? this is a choice that you have made.

happyyonisleepyyoni · 11/09/2014 15:17

Yes she's being pigeonholed...as a non-Catholic.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 11/09/2014 15:56

Can she not be whatever she wants to be, do whatever she wants to do at another school?

JustAShopGirl · 11/09/2014 16:08

my DD's best friend goes to an all boys state funded grammar - through this I found it would allow my DD to do the options she really wants to do - art/music/drama/German/Spanish. She cannot choose more than 3 of those options together at her co-ed comp.

try as she might my DD can never go to this school - becoming a boy is not as easy as baptism - her choices are limited by this - choices get limited for all sorts of reasons, so you need to get used to it.

Floggingmolly · 11/09/2014 16:49

What's with the "follow your dream" nonsense? . If your dream seriously was that your daughter attend a Catholic school; then you are the main obstacle to achieving that in your refusal to have her baptised...
What did you expect?? and wtf is your problem?

mizzscarlett · 11/09/2014 16:51

Those of you supporting selection by faith as being fair - do you not think it would be more fair to select on the strength of a child's faith, and on the strength of their knowledge of the church?

Why is in an issue what the parents believe or don't believe?

They're not the ones attending the school there to be indoctrinated

mizzscarlett · 11/09/2014 16:54

"If you aren't Catholic and are not bringing your child up to be Catholic then it can't surely be a dream for her to go to a Catholic school where she will be taught to be Catholic."

Catholic schools teach the national curriculum. Like all other state schools.

I think you'll also find that believing in god is not a requirement of attending a Catholic school.

You simply need to have parents who attend church regularly to get a place - something altogether different.

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