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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to best friends wedding?

44 replies

holdmyham · 09/09/2014 20:31

Long time lurker and first time poster - be gentle with me! And sorry it's so long!

A bit of background:
I've known my best friend since secondary school (over 10 years ago). We went to the same college together where she met her fiancé. So I know him pretty well. We've had one of those friendships where we can go weeks without any contact, then one of us will message the other and it's like time hasn't passed.

Best friend and her fiancé got engaged December last year. They've struggled a bit with money, so I asked if i could offer my services and make her wedding invitations for her as my wedding present to them. Originally they planned their wedding for March 2015, so plenty of time to get the invites made and sent out. Cut to March 2014, and I get a message that they've bumped their wedding up to end of October 2014, and would I be able to start thinking about the invites. Not a problem. Gets to beginning of April, and I've heard nothing from her about the invites. I message to get the ball rolling. Nothing. End of May, I get a message to say "sorry for the silence, here are the colour choices, nothing fancy, just simple. I'll email all the details." So once I get the email, I start the mock ups. A week later, I get another email saying all is fine, and can she have 100 invites by end of June. It was a push, but I managed to get them all done, she collected them, she was happy. Whilst she was at mine, she wrote both her parents and parents friends invite, as she was seeing them later that day. Wondered if she'd do mine too, as it would have saved her postage, but didn't think anything of it when she left without giving me mine (bear in mind since she announced her engagement, she's spoken to me non-stop about how she couldn't not invite me to the wedding).

Fast forward to middle of August, and I'm seeing Facebook updates that she's started sending the invites out. I text her to ask how she's getting on with them. I get a message back same day saying how everyone is loving them, and can I send her my address so she can send mine out. I send my address.

A week later, and still no invite. However I get a text hushing over how lovely the invites are. Random.

I was starting to get a bit concerned about not having an invite, so a week later I message being a bit blunter "I'm a bit worried I haven't had my invite. DP needs to know if it will be a day/evening invite as his colleague wants to book the same day off, and he's got first refusal" she replies back saying she's sorry but she's been ill, so couldn't get to the post office, but of course it's a day invite. She's assumed because I've asked that DP and I have said we'll go.

Well I've still not had my invite through. I've provisionally booked the day off, however I will need to book a hotel and cabs to/from the venue. Not to mention sort my outfit.

DP is starting to get rather annoyed about the whole situation, and has rambled "well if she can't be bothered to post an invite, then I can't be bothered to spend my money on going". And tbh, I don't really blame him for feeling like that.

I've spent best part of £100 on the invites, and given her more than enough time to get an invite to me. Granted I know all the details (venue, times etc), but I can't help but feel a bit annoyed that I haven't received the physical invite. Everyone else has received theirs and she's constantly updating fb with how she's got to sort seating plans etc.

AIBU to not want to go? And any suggestions of what to say to her?

OP posts:
iklboo · 09/09/2014 20:33

It sounds to me like she thought it was a given / obvious that you're invited and that she didn't think you'd need a formal invitation?

kinkyfuckery · 09/09/2014 20:34

You'd fall out with your best friend because she didn't hand you a bit of paper?

I made the invites for my brother and SIL's wedding, and told them NOT to give me an invite because I was fucking sick of looking at the things Wink

Annarose2014 · 09/09/2014 20:35

I think that since she's been in constant contact to you that you'd look really petty if you now didn't go.

It could backfire on you. She's being a total flake, but she doesn't seem malicious.

Only1scoop · 09/09/2014 20:35

Think it's a bit daft to not go....why don't you send a tongue in cheek message saying....'should I just print my own!'

LadyLuck10 · 09/09/2014 20:36

I think you are ridiculous. You know the date and the details, she said you're invited, why do you keep hounding her for the invites.
She probably isn't your best friend if you think of not going to her wedding over this.

Original poster
holdmyham · 09/09/2014 20:36

Wow! Wasn't expecting such quick replies!

I get what you're saying, however she's given her parents invites to the wedding, and they're paying for some of it. Had she not written her parents invite in front if me (and then her parents subsequently posting said invite on FB), then I probably wouldn't have much of an issue.

OP posts:
iklboo · 09/09/2014 20:36

Sorry - not helpful! I meant it could be cross purposes & she's wondering 'why does holdmyham want a formal invitation? Doesn't she realise I want her there?'

I might be tempted to say 'do I need a formal invitation to show the usher / venue that I'm not a mad gatecrasher? If I do, you'd better get a move on! Or I might have to make my own from the spares I've got left!'

iklboo · 09/09/2014 20:39

The one for her parents is different - it'll be a sentimental keepsake of their daughter's wedding for them probably

jamaisjedors · 09/09/2014 20:41

You are being a loon.

You wrote the invites, you don't need one.

Nobody in real life would possibly ask/let someone design all their invites and make them and then expect them NOT to come to the wedding.

Just book your stuff if you need to, or are you feeling that they've taken the piss so now you are standing on ceremony about the invite in the post?

Binglesplodge · 09/09/2014 20:41

Our best man is a designer and made our invitations. He received one just like everybody else: your friend seems a bit lazy and the excuses are bizarre. If she's been too ill to make it to the post office, how come everybody else has had their invitations already? Be careful making any more plans for the day (hotel bookings etc) in case they have bumped you from the list and don't know how to tell you...

Chloe01mum · 09/09/2014 20:43

I would take it as a compliment that she wanted to show of her wedding invites to parents. You must know the details better than the bride if you have done all those invites. All seems very petty to me to think about not going now

DarkHeart · 09/09/2014 20:43

TBH I think you are being a bit over sensitive

Oblomov · 09/09/2014 20:43

My best friend, met at uni, was an absolute given to be at my wedding.
In fact she came and stayed the night before, and helped me get ready.
I'm not even sure I sent her an invite(prob did, but can't recall), just because it's an absolute given.

I can't believe your even questioning this.
Phone her up and mention it mid conversation, as you ask her loads of wedding questions and get all excited and tell let you can't wait!!

badbridesmaid · 09/09/2014 20:44

Really bizarre that you'd fall out with your best friend because she hasn't posted you a pretty bit of paper.
As you say, you know the day, time etc.
It would be very petty to not go for this reason.
She probably has a lot of organising to do.
Don't add to her work!

OatcakeCravings · 09/09/2014 20:44

I think that you have somewhat blown this out of proportion. She has said that you are invited, you are invited! You've made the invitations so I guess she is assuming that you know the details. Stop hounding her about such a small detail and get into the spirit of your best friends wedding. Jeez!

sooperdooper · 09/09/2014 20:44

You're being very petty, you've had all the details, in you shoes I wouldn't even expect an invite!

If I was your friend I'd think you were bonkers tbh, you know everything there is to know about it, stop being so silly

Meloria · 09/09/2014 20:45

She's told you more than once that you are both invited. Take the bloody hint woman.

Hulababy · 09/09/2014 20:45

I think she probably didn't think you would need an invite seeing as you have made them.

I also think it is different that she sent an invite to her parents even though they know the details...they've not see the invite itself to start with, ad it is more sentimental.

Original poster
holdmyham · 09/09/2014 20:46

I guess I'm being a bit sensitive, and assumed that I'd get an invite if I hadn't made them, so what's the difference just because I have made them?

I guess it's a good thing I haven't made the cake, cause at this rate I wouldn't get a slice! Grin

OP posts:
cees · 09/09/2014 20:47

Of course you are invited, she has confirmed when you asked so get on with sorting your outfit.

SaucyJack · 09/09/2014 20:48

I think you should see it as a compliment that she considers you such good friends you don't need a paper invite as it's a given you'll be there.

It's not as if you haven't seen the invites either seeing as you made them.

iklboo · 09/09/2014 20:48

My dad made our cake - he didn't get a slice. Mind you, he said he was sick of the bloody sight of it by the wedding day.

Liara · 09/09/2014 20:49

She's told you you are invited, she's told you it's for the day, you know the venue, date, etc.

WTF do you need to be sent an invite for?

You are being very, very weird.

Mama1980 · 09/09/2014 20:50

Um I think your being over sensitive. She's said you're invited.
Would you really risk a falling out over this?
My best friends wedding I never got invited it was never a thing I made the invites, I didn't need one. I was helping organise/plan, so close to her it would have been totally unnecessary. Maybe your friend feels like that?

Annarose2014 · 09/09/2014 20:52

I once turned up at a wedding to find out the Bride had completely forgotten to tell me I was doing a reading at the service. The minister trotted up to me as I was walking in and told me where I'd be sitting....as a reader. I was flabbergasted!

But did I get a snot on? No! It was just a Bridal Brain Fart!