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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them to shut up

43 replies

0pheliaBalls · 09/09/2014 12:10

Just got on a bus, only seat free was the priority seating for elderly/disabled passengers. I am registered disabled and have a concessionary disabled bus pass, however my disability isn't a 'visible' one. It does mean that I can't stand/walk for very long, though.

Anyway, the elderly ladies in the seats next to and behind mine are having a very loud conversation about how disgusting it is that young (ooh, thanks!), able bodied people take up the priority seats, are selfish, etc etc. Everyone's looking at me and I feel so embarrassed and like crying.

I don't want to announce my personal health details to a busful of strangers but WIBU to stand up and tell them all to shut the fuck up?

(I probably won't though Sad )

OP posts:
MarchEliza · 09/09/2014 12:12

I know you've said you don't want to do this, but I don't think I'd be able to resist getting my badge out, waving it under all of their faces and telling them how incredibly ignorant they are.

Poor you - ignore them if you can :(

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 09/09/2014 12:12

I would seriously just tell them and make them eat their words.

I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome and am really prone to dislocations and have come across this a few times. If you don't say it, they will never learn.

RoaringTiger · 09/09/2014 12:13

My set phrase for incidences like this is 'not all disabilities are visable...and ignorance is only bliss to the ignorant!'.
Ignore hun there opinion is worth nothing.Thanks

nevergoogle · 09/09/2014 12:13

Do it, tell them they are wrong, even if you cry.

They need to know they are being dickheads.

Waltermittythesequel · 09/09/2014 12:14

Take your badge out, without saying a word, wave it in their faces then ignore them.

Horrible witches.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 09/09/2014 12:16

YANBU but actually telling them to shut the fuck up will just confirm that they are right in their tiny little minds.

How about something like "You are all intelligent enough to realise that not all disabilities are visible aren't you?" if you feel able to say anything.

Or simply "Not all disabilities are visible." if you want to be a bit less passive aggressive.

SaucyJack · 09/09/2014 12:17

Do it- tho it might not make a different anyway.

I used to work as a carer for teenagers with severe (and blindingly obvious) learning and physical disabilities and we'd get stick from the old "dears" for using the priority seating.

LiberalLibertines · 09/09/2014 12:17

I second the badge wave, dirty look and two fingers (but I am a bit immature)

Vitalstatistix · 09/09/2014 12:19

If you tell them to shut up, it will simply confirm in their mind that you are not in the seat through need but because you are rude. It won't achieve anything and you'll probably feel worse.

You don't owe them an explanation. You know the truth and the bus driver knows you are entitled. They don't need to know anything.

However, if you wanted to shut them up, it would be better to tell them exactly why you are entitled or simply show the pass and tell them THAT you are entitled and tell them off for making judgements, and for being so rude as to make pointed comments designed to make someone feel bad when they clearly have no idea why someone needs a seat, rather than saying something that they can simply dismiss as you being 'that sort'

PenisesAreNotPink · 09/09/2014 12:19

Agree with them.

Say "I agree, it's terrible when people take them that don't need them, but of course you have to rely on people not doing that themselves as they might have hidden disabilities like ME and it would be awful to be rude'

BlackeyedSusan · 09/09/2014 12:20

remind them that some people are intelligent enough to know that not all disabilities are visible.

or complain tto the driver that several of the passengers are intimidating those with disabilities.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 09/09/2014 12:25

I would wave my bus pass at them too.

I thought everyone could sit in a priority seat as long as they give up the seat for someone who needs it. but what do you do about invisible disabilities

RachelWatts · 09/09/2014 12:29

Anyway, even if you weren't disabled, if it was the only free seat, it's the only free seat. No point standing when you don't have to, as long as any able-bodied person using the seat got off it when someone else who needed it boarded the bus.

Why hadn't any of those people moaning sat on the seat before you got on the bus, if they think they're more entitled to it?

I'd tell them you were also disabled, if I was in your position.

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 09/09/2014 12:33

"Say "I agree, it's terrible when people take them that don't need them, but of course you have to rely on people not doing that themselves as they might have hidden disabilities like ME and it would be awful to be rude'"

^^this. Please stand up for yourself, you have done nothing wrong.

PinkSquash · 09/09/2014 12:36

I hope you're ok OP. I would want to say something but like you I'd be very upset.

londonrach · 09/09/2014 12:37

I'd have got the badge out..... Poor you, not nice..

Curlyweasel · 09/09/2014 12:37

Badge 'em like an american police detective!

NynaevesSister · 09/09/2014 12:40

I really don't understand why they are reacting like this. Able bodied people sit in priority seats all the time. It is only when someone who needs the seat gets on that you have to vacate.

Is this post for real? To people act like this on buses? I am in London so is it different here?

middlings · 09/09/2014 12:43

You're probably off the bus by now but I'd have got the badge out. You shouldn't have to, but I would have. Vile of them to do that.

Also agree that you only have to vacate the seat if someone needs it!

London buses are a mine-field of nastiness.

Hope the rest of your day is better Flowers

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 09/09/2014 12:44

Why would you question the validity Nynaeve? It sound perfectly plausible to me.
I live in a city, the general buses are a free for all with a nod to leaving the seats free for priority seating.
The local 'circular' bus is used mainly by older passengers, it's very local and they seem to even have their own preferred seats. I can imagine this sort of situation occurring on that particular bus.

bonkersLFDT20 · 09/09/2014 12:46

I would say "I presume you are speaking loud enough for me to hear you, so please allow me to explain. I have a hidden disability which entitles me to sit in these seats. Your opinions have really upset me, and I think you should think about what you're saying before you judge people".

Say it loudly so that you get a round of applause from the other passengers. Maybe the judgemental people will think again next time and you words will save someone else's upset.

VelvetEmbers · 09/09/2014 13:30

The only time I've been on a bus in the last 5 years we sat in the priority seats. I'd just had surgery for cancer and 22 yo DS was in agony with a slipped kneecap. He also has ADHD.
Bus was quite empty but an elderly lady in the opposite seats kept glaring at us.she wasn't brave enough to say anything.
Had we both been fit we wouldn't have been on the stupid bus in the first place but neither of us could manage the walk.

Original poster
0pheliaBalls · 09/09/2014 13:31

Thank you everyone.

In the end I got off the bus a couple of stops later and waited for the next one (it came in a few minutes so not too bad), but before I did I tearfully flashed my pass and said 'I'm absolutely entitled to sit here, actually'. They shut up but I saw them start gossiping again the second I got off, cat bum mouths and disgusted head wobbles all round.

Don't worry, I'd never have actually said shut the fuck up, I'm wayyy to chickenshit to do that Grin

Sadly this sort of thing happens all the time. Once I was on the way to a hospital appointment, DH was with me, I sat but DH stood (bus was very busy). An older lady got on (not a pensioner or anything, maybe in her late fifties), stood next to my seat VERY pointedly and started mouthing off about how younger people should stand for older ones. DH said 'she's actually disabled and has a pass, and probably needs the seat more than you' - she then changed tack and started going on about the 'disabled brigade' and 'scroungers' who get free travel when honest hard working people like her have to pay, and then they also demand seats, too. People were actually agreeing with her! We reported her to the driver but got off a few stops later, DH was actually in tears bless him.

Thanks again all Thanks

OP posts:
TracyBarlow · 09/09/2014 13:32

If I was on a bus and heard some old women talking like that and you the got your blue badge out to show them, I'd give you a fucking round of applause. Ignorant old bastards. Chin up OP xx

VelvetEmbers · 09/09/2014 13:34

Ds gets it on the train too. He just quietly gets out his Disabled Railcard and puts it open on his lap. That shuts them up.