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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this friendship prob won't last

65 replies

KitWillDoodle · 08/09/2014 18:33

I've only discussed this with my husband and am genuinely keen to hear what you would do or indeed have done in my position. Will try and keep it short. Met a fellow Mum and we hit it off, had similar ideas on raising our children and always managed to have a laugh together. She is a strict Catholic, I was raised Church of England, went to a Catholic school so would consider myself Christian if pushed on the subject, but it's not something I think about day to day.

Anyway, I was around at her place one day and she got on to the subject of homosexuality...well, fire and brimstone!! I got the full sermon, it's immoral, the bible says its wrong, homosexuals should deny their feelings and not act on their sexuality, and so on it went, on and on... it was all a bit awkward, however I wasn't about to sit in silence, I had to stand my ground. For a start my Uncle is gay and I've known this from about the age of 7 or 8, my Uncle lived with his boyfriend and all of us kids called them Uncle and Uncle, our parents never made an issue of it and so it never was an issue, none of us really thought twice about it, we just loved the fact that they took us driving in their camper van and had a really house! And that was easily over 30 years ago! I have gay friends and colleagues, as I'm sure most of us do, and I just don't think anything of it. I mentioned a friend of mine who has adopted a little boy with his partner and she said that shouldn't be allowed, it's wrong, etc etc. They're easily two of the best parents I know and I often ask him for advice on parenting, the thought that if she had her way their little boy might still be in foster care....well, what can I say. I also have a friend who's father is gay, it was the 70's and he repressed his sexuality, married and had a family. However as time went on her parents couldn't keep up the charade, the truth is now out and the effect on my friend and her brother has been devastating. Do we go back to those days?

We agreed to disagree and moved on to dining room furniture or a more neutral subject! My husband said the other week that I hadn't seen this woman for a while and I told him I just didn't know how I could continue the friendship, can you be friends with someone with such opposing views to you? I don't know. Interested to hear your thoughts, would I be unreasonable to let this friendship die out?

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 08/09/2014 18:36

Of course it wouldn't be unreasonable, you aren't obliged to be her friend!

TheBloodManCometh · 08/09/2014 18:48

Shrimp is referred to as an abomination 4 times more than homosexuality in the bible.
Your friend is defying many many other laws in Catholicism/Christianity by being so judgemental and harsh about it.

TheBloodManCometh · 08/09/2014 18:50

I wouldn't be friends with someone who was homophobic.
To be honest, anyone who preached at me about religion would probably not see me again either - as I'm very strongly atheist.

Stuckonthebaby · 08/09/2014 18:56

If god hated homosexuality that much, why didn't he make it one of the Ten Commandments? Anyway YANBU!

horsecalledseptember · 08/09/2014 19:00

I think all friendships will have aspects you disagree on and it's up to the individuals whether they can see past that. I wouldn't agree with her views but she doesn't sound like someone i'd want to be friends with in the first place as I'm not keen on outspoken people

bodhranbae · 08/09/2014 19:05

I could never have any kind of relationship with a homophobe.
Especially ones who "legitimise" their hatred beneath a veneer of "faith".

Ditch her - she is poison. You don't need people like that polluting your life.

Tittifilarious · 08/09/2014 19:07

I often wonder about couples who have different political leanings or completely different ethical standpoints (death penalty, abortion etc). I'm not saying I want to be married to a sycophant but I don't know if I could say "agree to disagree" on things which I think say a lot about someone's character.

I suppose, in theory, my thinking would extend to friends but to a lesser degree.

I sure some people do maintain good friendships with people whose opinions they abhor, but YANBU to feel it's not for you.

LoonvanBoon · 08/09/2014 19:09

Of course you're not being unreasonable. It's not about the fact you have opposing views, though - it's about the fact that she sounds like a ranting, foaming-at-the-mouth type who doesn't give a shit if she's embarrassing people / making them feel awkward with her diatribes.

There's a bloke who stands around in my high street ranting about homosexuals. He sounds a bit obsessed TBH. I assume he's a Christian as he holds a Bible, but he never has a word to say about any aspect of Christianity other than (his interpretation of) Biblical teaching on homosexuality.

I'm a bit surprised you got this from a Catholic, though. I don't agree with the Catholic Church's teaching on homosexuality - it's one of the reasons I'm no longer a Catholic - but I've never come across a single Catholic, & I know lots, who's ever ranted at other people about Catholic sexual morality. I think you've been a bit unlucky with your friend!

Shockers · 08/09/2014 19:17

I love God, but I have left my church because of views like this.

No I will not pray against gay marriage because, if I'm loving my neighbour as I love myself, I think they deserve the right to a secure loving relationship as much as I do.

I can't stand this kind of hate disguised as love for God, so YANBU to avoid her - or tell her in no uncertain terms that you do not share her views.

DangerousBeanz · 08/09/2014 19:17

I just hope her children aren't gay.

TalcumPowder · 08/09/2014 19:21

Of course YANBU. Who wants to be friends with a rabid homophobe? There are only so many times you can point out the various Old Testament fulminations about wearing clothes of mixed fabrics, eating prawns, sleeping with another man's slave etc etc.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/09/2014 19:30

If god is such a hate filled, homophobe, racist who judges everyone for everything, then that is not a God, I can get behind.

I thought God was about love and tolerance, not pure evil, shit filled, hatred.

Meirasa · 08/09/2014 20:44

Shrimip is Old Testament/ Jewish teaching and was ended by Jesus words and actions. Homosexuality is referred to in the New Testament therefore see to be a Christian teaching.

I prefer the argument that Jesus himself made no reference to Homosexuality and I call myself a Christian not a Paulian as it was St Paul who referred to it. Also back in the day Pedophilia was Homosexuality where boys were groomed by there elders and this is VERY different. Thirdly, Jesus said you who are without sin cast the first stone. Who are any of us to judge what is right or wrong- even the Pope responded to the question of homosexuality in this way recently.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 08/09/2014 21:13

Shrimp is Old Testament/ Jewish teaching and was ended by Jesus words and actions.

How was it ended? Surely there is no where in the NT that says "and lo, Jesus decided it was OK to eat a prawn cocktail". Am v confused. Please help.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 08/09/2014 21:14

And no OP - YANBU. I think this friendship is perhaps not meant to be.

Greyhound · 08/09/2014 21:28

Oddly enough, I was just thinking about this subject.

I guess the RC church preaches that homosexual relationships are wrong. She believes it is wrong because of her faith.

Personally, I don't think I could be friends with someone who has that opinion and recently dumped a FB friend because of his homophobic rants.

cherrybombxo · 08/09/2014 21:31

I hate homophobes so much I can't even find words for it. Even worse than blind hate is hate that is justified by what is written in the bible, which has basically been translated and retranslated and can actually be interpreted in a completely different way in the original version, which actually refers to one man's gay love slave. Seriously.

A true believer in the bible can't pick and choose the bits to believe in and ignore the parts that are convenient. If you are against homosexuality then you also can't work on Sundays, can't wear two different fabrics together, can't eat shrimp, can sell your daughter... you see where I'm going with this. YANBU.

TheFilthiestPersonAlive · 08/09/2014 21:37

"and lo, Jesus decided it was OK to eat a prawn cocktail"

Grin
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/09/2014 21:39

Calls herself a Catholic. Yet she can't accept people for who they are. People don't suddenly say one morning "Oh I think I'll be gay".. It's not a hobby. Live and let live. that's what I say. What gays do between the sheets doesn't take or add anything to my life. After all doesn't God make people the way they are.
No Y.N.B.U.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 08/09/2014 21:47
Grin
valrhona · 08/09/2014 21:49

If she launched into a tirade over the hobnobs about her negative feelings about black people or Indian people you wouldn't need to give this relationship another moment of consideration.

Same thing.

Biscuitsneeded · 08/09/2014 21:50

Personally I wouldn't bother with her. She's unlikely to be very enlightened about other matters either...

Meirasa · 08/09/2014 22:17

One of the reasons Jesus came into conflict with authority (That of the Pharisees and High Priests) was because of how he cured people on the Sabbath, socialised and ate with outcasts who were seen as ritually unclean and taught that it was not what a person took into their body but their actions, words and deeds that made them good people and good Jews. This was seen to be a direct contradiction of the many laws that Jews adhered to in his time.

horsecalledseptember · 08/09/2014 22:17

Kleine - Jesus' arrival essentially made everything/everybody 'clean' through him.

I think people have the right to think what they want even if it isn't PC or lefty. I have a relative who is racist, I don't agree with them but I do think they are allowed to feel that way.

But I do think if it really bothered me I could also have the right to walk away from the relationship so like I say it depends how much it bothers you.

feathermucker · 08/09/2014 22:30

There is no way on this earth I could be friends with someone like that. I find her attitude hideous.

Sounds like the friendship probably won't last.

Good on you for speaking out Grin