To think that this friendship prob won't last

[KitWillDoodle]

I've only discussed this with my husband and am genuinely keen to hear what you would do or indeed have done in my position. Will try and keep it short. Met a fellow Mum and we hit it off, had similar ideas on raising our children and always managed to have a laugh together. She is a strict Catholic, I was raised Church of England, went to a Catholic school so would consider myself Christian if pushed on the subject, but it's not something I think about day to day.

Anyway, I was around at her place one day and she got on to the subject of homosexuality...well, fire and brimstone!! I got the full sermon, it's immoral, the bible says its wrong, homosexuals should deny their feelings and not act on their sexuality, and so on it went, on and on... it was all a bit awkward, however I wasn't about to sit in silence, I had to stand my ground. For a start my Uncle is gay and I've known this from about the age of 7 or 8, my Uncle lived with his boyfriend and all of us kids called them Uncle and Uncle, our parents never made an issue of it and so it never was an issue, none of us really thought twice about it, we just loved the fact that they took us driving in their camper van and had a really house! And that was easily over 30 years ago! I have gay friends and colleagues, as I'm sure most of us do, and I just don't think anything of it. I mentioned a friend of mine who has adopted a little boy with his partner and she said that shouldn't be allowed, it's wrong, etc etc. They're easily two of the best parents I know and I often ask him for advice on parenting, the thought that if she had her way their little boy might still be in foster care....well, what can I say. I also have a friend who's father is gay, it was the 70's and he repressed his sexuality, married and had a family. However as time went on her parents couldn't keep up the charade, the truth is now out and the effect on my friend and her brother has been devastating. Do we go back to those days?

We agreed to disagree and moved on to dining room furniture or a more neutral subject! My husband said the other week that I hadn't seen this woman for a while and I told him I just didn't know how I could continue the friendship, can you be friends with someone with such opposing views to you? I don't know. Interested to hear your thoughts, would I be unreasonable to let this friendship die out?

Sounds to me rather as though the silly coo is using her Catholicism as an excuse for her homophobia and general spewing of hatred. Call her on it. See what Pope Francis has had to say on the matter. I don't think your friendship will survive but then again maybe you can help educate her and assist her in dealing with her senseless prejudices - that'd be the Christian way.

whats this about not eatting shrimps, I have NEVER heard that one before and thinkof myself as c of e

According to the bible you can't eat shrimp, wear mixed fabric clothing, have a tattoo, eat pork, shave your temples or beard or read horoscopes.

Funny how people claim to be religious and then obsess over homosexuality instead of poverty and greed.

Jesus said not to judge.

I wouldn't choose to be friends with a homophobe.

My MIL is homophobic, but I didn't choose her . When she starts with her 'its unnatural' shite, I say politely (but with my best death stare) 'I disagree and would prefer you didn't express those views around me or my children'.

However, with friends? Nah. They wouldn't be my friends. There is enough hate and intolerance in this world and I don't intend to add to it, or to support those who do.

I'd be hard pushed not to knock her out. I lost my brother at eighteen because he was gay and couldn't handle the stigma that went with it. I also lost my best friend for the same reason. Obviously I have incredibly strong views regarding homophobia and it's hard for me to be objective. Even more so when I detest the catholic religion.

However. I'm going to try. She is a strict catholic. Probably froma young girl yes? She will have strong views too. The fact that it was something you both could agree to disagree on is good. She didn't continue to force her beliefs down your throat nor you her. I can't see why the friendship couldn't continue. Her being homophobic is not great in a social manner. But if she is respectful towards you and your thoughts and you do actually like her then perhaps the friendship could continue.

do friends have to have the same opinions and agree on everything now? I must have missed that memo.

whilst her view is not yours she is entitled to it just as you are. you rebuffed her arguement and the two of you agreed to disagree. personally I think you are being a bit hypocritical and childish to now refuse to be friends with her

I wouldn't want to be preached to by anyone on religious matters thanks very much. That in itself would turn me away.

But on something like homosexuality? I couldn't maintain the friendship with someone with those views. It's too important to me and crosses the bounds of all human decency.

Jesus did away with the old covenant and Levitical laws (eg not eating shrimp or wearing cloth of two types) by fulfilling it with his sinless life and death on the cross. He started the new covenant, and his commands were love The Lord your God with all your heart, and love your neighbour as you love yourself. He never mentioned homosexuality (though Paul did), and personally I see that as being more of a social issue than a religious one. I don't personally agree with churches marrying homosexual couples, though I think there is lots of other stuff that is more important to address, however I believe everyone has the right to make their own choices in life, and if someone wants to enter a homosexual marriage that is their choice, and Jesus made it very clear that we are not to judge.

Back to the OP - just because you disagree with someone on something doesn't mean you can't be their friend. Would for me depend on whether they were actually homophobic or not, I couldn't be friends with someone who was preachy homophobic.

Rampant homophobia, pro birth and/or conspiracy theorist anti vaccination diatribe sounds the death knoll for any potential friendships.

I have a dear friend that has very different beliefs than I do on a subject (not homosexuality but equally explosive) We Never talk about it but it's mutual. If it were not mutual that we Must hold our tongues the friendship would indeed be over.

So as it seems she's not going to back off, YANBU to think she'll Be gone soon!

I don't think it's her "views" that are the problem here because, yes, I believe that you can - and should -have friends with different outlooks. The gamechanger for me would be the hatred and judgmental attitude with a veneer of religion. You may not share her views (good!) but it's her attitude that's hideous. I have a cousin who said "I couldn't be friends with anyone who wasn't socialist." I find this very intolerant and self-limiting and frankly quite bigoted.
Another measure of whether a person with "different views" is friendship material is whether you can have a good old discussion about it, within your friendship. If you can both accommodate each other's views it can be great. But it's quite rare to find this because disagreement is by most people taken to be a sign that you don't get on, rather than the sign of an interesting friendship.

Very interesting. Thanks

For heaven's sake, it's not as though the 'disagreement' is over whether milk or plain Hobnobs are nicer, or the merits of feature walls. The OP's 'friend' is happily airing a particularly repulsive prejudice against a minority group and backing it up with the usual Bible 'Pick a Text' Bingo. As another poster said, would people really be so gung-ho about her 'right' to express her views if she were fulminating about black people?

Mmmm - I would find it hard to move on from that discussion. I had a similar problem with an old school friend who informed me that 'black people smell and are violent' !! This was after us growing up together for many years.

I couldn't bring myself to continue the friendship and didn't.

Don't forget to shun menstruating women (Leviticus 15:19-30).

It's very hard work being a true Christian. It's no surprise most people don't bother.

love The Lord your God with all your heart, and love your neighbour as you love yourself.
As god made you and your neighbour, you'd better be polite about his creations ok! :)

My MIL is homophobic, but I didn't choose her grin. When she starts with her 'its unnatural'

When my stepmother trots out that line, my stock response is 'So is flying through the atmosphere at 400mph in a big metal tube, but it doesn't stop you going on plane 4 times a year' and she tends to shut up.

We also have variations on a theme which include scuba diving, nuclear power and using a microwave

Lurkinghusband

You are referring to Jewish teachings NOT Christian. FFS I have no issue with Christianity taking the hit on any teaching it has that is fault finding worthy but please stop referring to the Old testament and the wrong religion!!!

Love one another as I have loved you.... If we all did that we would be doing well, and homophobia wouldn't exist. People use religion all the time to back up personal bias, I blame the people.

Meirasa - is the Old Testament not part of the bible then?

Homophobes like your 'friend' think the way they do through fear and ignorance.
If it is awkward for you to still have her as a friend then cut her loose, however, it would help if she did not just have friends who are homophobic - She needs to mix with people who may teach her something about tolerance.

I know a few homophobic people but if they make stupid comments I say something...and usually I laugh at them.

TheBloodManCometh

The Old Testament is precisely that, The Old Testament about the Old covenants between God and his people. The New Testament begins with the birth of Jesus and it about the New Covenant between God and his people, THIS is the Covenant which Christians follow. This is why for example Christians are not circumcised as a religious practice but Jews are. Jews follow the Old Covenant found in the Old Testament.

I personally couldn't be friends with someone who held these views. I couldn't be friends with a racist or a thug either. It's all about shared values and I don't share these "values". So, a "no" from me.

It was never quite as simple as that, though, Meirasa. It took the early Church decades to hammer out some kind of agreement about where it stood in relation to the Jewish law.

And even though they decided that the whole Torah was not binding on Christians, the more purely ethical parts - such as the Ten Commandments - have never been outright rejected by the Churches, despite the fact they were at the heart of the "Old Covenant". They used to be read out in most CofE Churches every week when the Common Prayer book was used. The Catholic Catechism talks a lot about OT teaching, too.

Re.homosexuality specifically, when I've heard Christians arguing that it's wrong, they HAVE referred to the OT - both to the general idea of monogamous, heterosexual marriage as the "standard" (referring to Genesis, & ignoring all the polygamous OT marriages!); & to specific condemnations from Leviticus & the like. After all, there's not much in the NT apart from comments by Paul; & as other posters have said, Jesus himself didn't apparently have anything to say on the subject.

I think LurkingHusband made a fair point about certain Christians selecting bits of the Bible that support their prejudices - Bible pick a text bingo as Talcumpowder put it upthread.

Just because people refer to something in the wrong context to back up their own biased opinions doesn't make what I said incorrect. Just because some Christians do it, doesn't make them right. In fact in doing so, shows how little they truly understand their own religion and faith.

Jesus gave two commandments, to love God and love ones neighbour and those are the ones to which Christians should adhere. It is that simple if people allowed it to be really! ;-)