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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain to the school

53 replies

Isabella66 · 08/09/2014 12:43

Towards the end of last term before the summer holiday, my 4-year old came back home with a big sticker being stuck to her uniform on the front of her chest. The teaching assistant wrote a note on it saying 'please bring a RED PE shirt for Thursdays'. As she went to an after-school club, she had been wearing it from 15:30 till 18:00 showing around to children and parents from other schools. I felt very sorry for her, it was my fault that I prepared her a pinkish red PE shirt. Am I being unreasonable to complain to the school in attempt to prevent from this happening to other children in the future?

OP posts:
cathpip · 08/09/2014 12:46

Might just mention in passing to the TA that a note in your dd's book bag would of been sufficient rather than a sticker, and leave it at that.

BlackeyedSusan · 08/09/2014 12:48

surprised the sticker made it home to be honest.

BarbarianMum · 08/09/2014 12:49

Maybe. Our school often use stickers to communicate with parents of Reception/Y1. Things like 'Please bring in wellies tomorrow' or 'ask me what we did today (when something special's happened).

Was your dd upset? If not I wouldn't worry about her - she (and you) haven't been publically shamed, just reminded. Our school is fairly lax about uniform so parents are quite often reminded about no trainers, no jogging bottoms etc but it's not a big deal. But by all means ask them to pop a note in her book bag in future.

TeenAndTween · 08/09/2014 12:50

YABU

Certainly don't complain.
Lots of parents are rubbish at reading notes in bookbags.
A sticker is an excellent way to make sure the message is seen.
Doubt a 4yr old would be bothered about others seeing the message.

It's not like it said 'Please contact school re your child bullying' is it?

Original poster
Isabella66 · 08/09/2014 12:53

Yeah, it did last that long. I wish it had fallen off earlier. There are certainly other appropriate way for sending message back home. I am a bit worried that TA might take out on my little one if this is only between us.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 08/09/2014 12:55

YABU - it's a FAR more effective way of reminding parents of something that is happening the next day, than putting things in their bags. You'd be surprised how many parents never see things put in bags.

DownByTheRiverside · 08/09/2014 12:56

You think a TA would be mean to your 4 year old because you misinterpreted a message?
Really?
Did your daughter care about the sticker, or are you projecting?

BackforGood · 08/09/2014 12:57

x-posted.

I don't understand what you are saying - "take out on my little one" - take what out ? Confused

She kindly took the time to remind parents on something they needed, in what has proven to be an effective way ~ really don't understand what your problem is with this ?

BarbarianMum · 08/09/2014 12:57

Shock If you think the TA would be vindictive to a 4 year old because you politely mention something then I suggest you speak to the teacher about the TA. Why would you think that?

5Foot5 · 08/09/2014 13:00

I honestly don't see why you are upset about it. As TeenAndTween said, it is not like the sticker contained embarassing personal information. Also maybe the TA wasn't aware she would be at the after school club and so be wearing it until 18:00 - not that it makes much difference IMO.

Really think YABU and making a mountain out of a molehill.

Original poster
Isabella66 · 08/09/2014 13:01

Thanks for all your messages. I do not think that I am projecting. I have been communicating with about 6 parents around the area, face to face. They were surprised for how this was carried out and suggested me to complain. Though I have been hesitated. That's why I'd like to hear more opinions from a broader range at mumsnet. I just registered today.

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 08/09/2014 13:05

I don't see what the issue is here?

You needed to be made aware of the need for the correct T-shirt. You now know. It's not confidential information. Many book bags aren't looked at between one school day and the next. The TA knew that you would see the message that day giving you plenty of time to get organised for the next week.

This was during the last academic year, if you were going to bring it up with school you should have done it then. YABU.

needastrongone · 08/09/2014 13:14

I might be being a bit daft Smile, but I am not sure what the problem is? What do you think the issue was? What would be a more appropriate form of communication?

Or, it may be that the TA did know that your DD was going to after school club, therefore it was going to be a rushed night for you, if you had been working, might not get chance to check the bag, therefore used a sticker?

Original poster
Isabella66 · 08/09/2014 13:16

Your advices are very much appreciated. To realise that using stickers is a widely used approach has put my mind at ease. BU is not a bad thing : )

OP posts:
DownByTheRiverside · 08/09/2014 13:16

'I do not think that I am projecting.'

So your daughter came home and was upset about the label being on her chest before you mentioned it? She was distressed and humiliated and wanted you to fix the problem?
Because from your OP it sounds as if she was showing people quite happily and telling them about it. if she'd been upset, surely someone at the ASC would have taken it off.

noblegiraffe · 08/09/2014 13:21

Kids at my DS's school get a sticker if they've had a bump on the head and need monitoring. It means the parents actually see it.
So I suppose stickers could be used for other things too.

ladybirdandsnails · 08/09/2014 13:21

I wish ours used stickers !!! I really really do not see an issue with it. My DD and her mates really wouldn't care about the sticker. Notes in bags get lost or made into aeroplanes or treasure maps. I would not dream if mentioning it

Blu · 08/09/2014 13:23

Honestly, Isabella, I very much doubt that you need to feel sorry for your dd, as the sticker was not a punishment or a criticism, and I am sure that none of the adults who saw it would have thought anything bad if they read it. They would just see it as a reminder.

If you are unhappy about it, don't complain, just say to the teacher 'I felt a bit embarrassed because of the note on the sticker - could any notes be in her book bag in future, please?'.

But why is everyone talking about something that happened last term, in the last school year? People love to encourage others to stir up trouble. I would just forget it and move on.

HighwayDragon · 08/09/2014 13:24

so this happened 6/7 weeks ago?

claraschu · 08/09/2014 13:25

My kids loved stickers. "Bring a red shirt" would have made them just as happy as "good work".

Unexpected · 08/09/2014 13:27

This has bothered you since sometime last term and right through the summer holidays?! And you have spoken to 6 other parents about it? Given that your daughter presumably has a new teacher this term, who are you going to go in and complain to? The Head?

Please don't complain, you will look like one of "those" mothers. If this is an easy way for school to communicate with parents, don't complain if you then miss out on future messages.

Unless there is some huge back story here and this is only one of a long list of incidents with school, I would move on (presumably your 4 year old is not still upset?!)

CaptainFracasse · 08/09/2014 13:27

Stickers?!? Thankfully the two schools my dcs have been to have never used such as system.

What happened to the old fashioned letter to the parents? Or the home-school book? or a talk to the parent? (Appreciate it wasn't possible in this case, but I assume it would have been the same if the OP had picked her dd up at the end of the school day)

I would have been unhappy about it because I would have known that it was a reproach addressed to ME (tshirt being red-pink rather than red) but it is my dc who would had been wearing and being the reprimand.

Surely there are better way to communicate with parents?

Iggly · 08/09/2014 13:28

Yanbu

How rude. Children are not walking notice boards ffs.

HicDraconis · 08/09/2014 13:29

Actually think this is a great idea - DS1 is forever losing important notices which he swears were in his homepack when he left the class! Will suggest it to his teacher :)

CaptainFracasse · 08/09/2014 13:30

And my dcs hated stickers at that age. It would have been taken off as soon as they could.
This system isn't more reliable than any of the others routinely used in schools.
But it does point the finger to the child/parent who has forgotten the PE tshirt/didn't fill the form X/whatever the parent is supposed to have done and hasn't