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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask mil to stop wearing perfume?

29 replies

Eminybob · 08/09/2014 08:07

Just when she visits?

I'm not sure what perfume it is but it's so strong and is awful. I've just come downstairs and the living room still stinks of it, and she left at 5pm yesterday.

Plus 8 week old DS smells of her after she's been cuddling him,until he's been bathed.

DP says I can't say anything to her, but honestly, it's making me feel ill even now.

(Yes I know this is a relative non-issue,but she's pissed me off about countless other things I can't be arsed to go into so I'm in a bad mood with her anyway)

OP posts:
crje · 08/09/2014 08:09

Yabu

Pick your battles.

MyFairyKing · 08/09/2014 08:10

YABU, just open the window once your baby is out of the room.

patienceisvirtuous · 08/09/2014 08:12

Yabu. And controlling.

thegreylady · 08/09/2014 08:12

No you can't. I sympathise but it would be rude and hurtful. Why not buy her a perfume you do like and you will probably find she will wear it when she visits.
When I was at college there was a girl who wore a very cloying, sickly perfume all the time. I think it was Coty L'Aimant. The rest of us hated it but we liked her and wouldn't have said anything.

whycantifindaname · 08/09/2014 08:12

Yabu. Let it go.

Original poster
Eminybob · 08/09/2014 08:13

Fair enough, I did suspect I was. Just pissed off she's still lingering about 15 hours later.

OP posts:
MrsPiggie · 08/09/2014 08:15

DH is allergic to perfume. We've got no problem asking family and close friends to refrain from wearing perfume when they visit and they try not to wear any when we visit them. But if your problem is just that you don't like the smell, then YABU.

LittleBearPad · 08/09/2014 08:16

Just open the window whilst she's there. It's not cold at the moment.

Tinkerball · 08/09/2014 08:17

I dont think the problem is OP doesnt like the smell - its her MIL she doesnt like. Hence the "I'm pissed off at her lingering 15 hours later " remark.

Surfsup1 · 08/09/2014 08:17

My DM is the same. I have bought her nicer perfume on multiple occasions but she keeps wearing toilet freshener. I think there may be something wrong with her olfactory system!?

Cabrinha · 08/09/2014 08:20

Love the lingering comment!
Obviously YABU, but I'll still sympathise. I dislike my child smelling of perfume whenever she comes back from MIL, who I think bathes in it!

Spadequeen · 08/09/2014 08:20

Sorry, but I think you can say something, but in a nice way. You can say we love having you here, as does ds but I'm afraid there are certain scents that set off my migraine and your perfume is one, can you please not wear any when you come here as its an enclosed space, smile sweetly and say I knew you'd understand.

If she carries on doing it, then kill her!

Original poster
Eminybob · 08/09/2014 08:20

It's not the smell, it's the fact that it's so strong. And windows were open while she was here. In fact we even spent some time out in the garden, and it's still so strong in the living room even now. And that it clings to DS.

I probably wouldn't be so bothered about it if she hadn't driven me up the wall while she was here. But that's a whole other thread!

OP posts:
moxon · 08/09/2014 08:27

Sincere sympathies. DC smelling of someone else is always a bit irritating. Naught you can do though. Except Wine.

meltedmonterayjack · 08/09/2014 08:40

Unless someone is allergic to it or it sets off headaches then I'm not sure there's much you could/should do. Unless you tell a porkie and say it's making one/all of you wheeze or something. I want to know which perfume it is though. I need to top mine up throughout the day because it wears off so quickly.

Mrsjayy · 08/09/2014 08:42

Of course yabu but I dp sympathies my sister wear s so much perfume it lingers for ages last time we dropped her off some where car reeked for a week

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 08/09/2014 08:45

Well how could you possibly do that without causing massive offense?

Surely you would be offended if someone told you that you smell horrible.

Open your windows. At least it's not sweat /ciggies. Grin

Surfsup1 · 08/09/2014 08:50

Well how could you possibly do that without causing massive offense?

Well she could lie!? Tell the MIL that the baby has become sensitive to perfumes in general, not just hers, and the Dr has suggested that it should be avoided.

Obviously then the OP has to stop wearing any perfume around the house too.

bananaleaf · 08/09/2014 08:53

I sympathise. My FIL wears the worst aftershave. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. And the baby stinks of it after he's held her, I have to change her clothes. But I would never say anything except to DH

PedlarsSpanner · 08/09/2014 08:59

You can't say anything. I do sympathise. Get a Price's Chef's candle.

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 08/09/2014 09:04

YANBU to hate it and loath it being on your newborn, Ive been there its rank.

Putting on perfume thats so strong that it makes people feel ill and still lingers a day later is anti-social. Very strong smells coming from an individual are very rarely pleasant.

I wouldn't ask but Id bloody want to, the same thing happened to me and I had to wash the baby afterwards.

Only1scoop · 08/09/2014 09:07

Yabu....it would be rude.

Even though its overpowering which in itself is rude.

LoonvanBoon · 08/09/2014 09:09

I sympathize, OP, as I seem to have become really sensitive to strong perfume smells in the past few years. They give me a headache & make me cough.

But unless you play the allergy card - & I fear it's too late to do that - you just can't say anything. Open the windows. If MIL is pissing you off about lots of things you do need, as someone else said upthread, to pick your battles.

itsnothingoriginal · 08/09/2014 09:10

What is it about MILs that slather themselves in perfume?? I used to have to put the DC in the bath after her visits to wash it off them!! I'm with you on this one OP but would never have had the nerve to ask her not to wear it when she came around Grin

Not an issue for me now as MIL has moved and sees us less regularly and the DC would run a mile if she approached them for a cuddle..so it won't be for ever and probably better not to create a problem with her I'd say. You have my sympathies though!

Artandco · 08/09/2014 09:10

Blame it on the baby :)

' Mil baby x seems to get a terrible cough after being hugged by people with strong perfume on. Do you mind not wearing it if you come over and intend to hold baby' - she will want to hold baby so will stop! Say it happened when random friend wore strong perfume also so blames not all on her