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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthday party problem

80 replies

dippylongstocking · 07/09/2014 23:36

Sorry, this is quite trivial, but I need to unload.

DS's birthday is next weekend. Invited family (both sides) round for celebratory bbq as usual. DS is also having small party for 8 schoolfriends the following day. We haven't invited any of DS's cousins to the party, as they do not know his friends, and would presumably be at the bbq anyway.

BIL and SIL called to decline the invitation to the bbq as they don't want their DC eating greasy food. (That's fine. They never come anyway, and we always try to guess what the next excuse will be.)

DH mentioned the children's party (he regrets it now) and BIL is offended that his DC have not been invited. DH pointed out that none of DS's cousins from my family have been invited either, as it is just for schoolmates, and also that BIL's DC are quite a bit younger than DS, so might feel intimidated by a gaggle of older kids. BIL later sent DH a text to inform him that he and SIL are unhappy and disappointed that we do not realise how mature and advanced their DC are, and that our DS's birthday will be ruined for not seeing his cousins.

WIBU to text back and tell them to just F-off? They always make me feel so crappy and like I've made a wrong decision. I know that tomorrow I'm going to have MIL calling to 'mediate' (persuade me to invite the DC). Should I just give in and invite the DC anyway?

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 07/09/2014 23:40

Just ignore it. When my DDS were small I got hurt when my sister did not invite my DDs for their cousin's party. It's pfb-ness and ignorant but they will learn...or not. I look back and think how silly I was to be hurt...but I was. Just take no notice.

MrsHathaway · 07/09/2014 23:40

No, don't cave. They were invited to celebrate his birthday and chose not to attend.

"No, it really wouldn't work" on a loop.

Good luck...

Purpleroxy · 07/09/2014 23:42

What weirdos. It's perfectly normal to have a school only party for kids. I've been to loads of parties and it's only the real gigantic ones (50 kids) that invite cousins and other out of school kids. Most are a few friends from school.

What a tit saying how advanced their dc are. Even if they're geniuses they don't actually know your ds's school mates and the school mates will be interested in eachother, not random kids.

Bouttimeforwine · 07/09/2014 23:46

You'll be serving greasy food at the friends party too, won't you? Grin

Don't rise to it. Tell him the family party is when they are invited and they can bring their own, non greasy food, with them if they want to. School friends on,y at the other one.

Norestforthewicked · 07/09/2014 23:46

Greasy food at a BBQ? It's grilled meat, they could have been selective of what they fed their dc from what was on offer or made him a sandwich but they declined so no need to invite them to the school party. Stick to your guns, but word it slightly more diplomatically than f-off ??

LadyLuck10 · 07/09/2014 23:48

Yanbu, don't feel bad. They sound like hard work.

HarrietdeBagotSoay · 07/09/2014 23:49

They are nuts.

BeachyKeen · 07/09/2014 23:51

/i would text back

Sorry if you misunderstood. The party is for his school friends. Sorry you can't make the bbq.

donteattheplaydough · 07/09/2014 23:57

YANBU. I usually do separate birthday celebrations for family and for schoolfriends. It works much better that way.

They were rude to turn down the BBQ in the first place for such a reason. If they don't like BBQ food they could always offer to bring a dish along.
(For example, I don't eat meat, so rather than expect people to cater for me at BBQs I usually offer to bring a dish, like a salad).

Just say you are having one party for family, and one for schoolfriends. It's your DS and your decision.

Original poster
dippylongstocking · 07/09/2014 23:59

Thanks guys. I will not give in. (and I won't let DH give in either!)

OP posts:
crazykat · 08/09/2014 00:01

Don't cave and refuse to be drawn in. The party is just for school friends and your BILs DCs are a fair bit younger.

We have similar with DSD and SILs older DCs in that they're too old to come to our DCs soft play parties and in reverse our DCs are to young to go to their party/day out.

The difference is that none of the adults or kids for that matter make a big deal out of it because it isn't.

Ignore BIL throwing a strop. He might have a point if his DCs were the same age as your ds or if his cousins from your side were invited. However this isn't the case so don't cave to his ridiculous behaviour.

Lally112 · 08/09/2014 00:08

tell them the meal for the party is a fryup and since they didn't want greasy food for their DC.............. just Grin when you say it

TheRealMaryMillington · 08/09/2014 00:12

They sound like they are a bit loopy and actively spoiling for a fight/any excuse to take the huff

How very tiring.

How very very tiring for your poor MiL

Do not invite them and do not let DH invite them. They can come to the family party and bring their own rice cakes if they wish.

clickers123 · 08/09/2014 01:54

They sound like tired, bad tempered parents. Their attitude is probably an indicator of their home life. Feel sorry for them and rise above it.

smellysocksandchickenpox · 08/09/2014 02:29

they sound nuts, we do separate meals with family then parties with school friends - most people I know do it that, I can't be doing with "minding" family while running a party for 30 school kids!……… but all that aside, if you had invited them they PROBABLY WOULD HAVE DECLINED ANYWAY - since kids parties are usually unhealthier than BBQs. I would be a smart ass and say that "I'm afraid we won't be able to cater for your admirable healthy foods policy so I'm afraid it's just school friends only" (no I wouldn't actually, that's what I would IMAGINE in my head I said as I secretely fumed! )

MammaTJ · 08/09/2014 05:45

Am I the only one who needs to hear the previous excuses for not coming to the barbecue were?

Don't give in. YANBU!

Peppa87 · 08/09/2014 06:39

Ignore. They sound like twats!

Groovee · 08/09/2014 06:43

BIL and SIL were like this over not being invited to my dd's birthday which her own brother wasn't invited to. Ignore and tell them it's greasy food!

BikeRunSki · 08/09/2014 06:48

Tell them you are having a KFC for the party food. If they don't like greasy fud, that might be enough to never see them again!

BikeRunSki · 08/09/2014 06:48

Food, not fud!

BlackeyedSusan · 08/09/2014 07:04

they are happy to "ruin" you child's birthday by not coming to the barbeque.

I would text back, oh so glad you are coming to the barbeque after all... (or maybe not)

KoalaDownUnder · 08/09/2014 07:06

Ignore them. You've done nothing wrong. They sound like pains in the arse, frankly ('greasy food' at a BBQ, shock horror Hmm)

noblegiraffe · 08/09/2014 07:11

'If you're concerned that DS's birthday will be ruined by not seeing his cousins, please do reconsider coming to the bbq. Bring sandwiches if you don't want BBQ food.'

Then watch them squirm as they come up with a different excuse for missing it!

Surfsup1 · 08/09/2014 07:12

They sounds really obnoxious! YANBU in the slightest.

Are they odd in other situations too?

bakingtins · 08/09/2014 07:15

Ignore their rude text. if MIL intervenes repeat on a loop "they are invited to the family BBQ, the party is for school- friends only".
Resist the urge to tell them to f-off though, it will only cause trouble down the line. Your original invitation was perfectly reasonable, if they choose to decline for whatever bonkers reason it's their loss.