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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday party problem

80 replies

dippylongstocking · 07/09/2014 23:36

Sorry, this is quite trivial, but I need to unload.

DS's birthday is next weekend. Invited family (both sides) round for celebratory bbq as usual. DS is also having small party for 8 schoolfriends the following day. We haven't invited any of DS's cousins to the party, as they do not know his friends, and would presumably be at the bbq anyway.

BIL and SIL called to decline the invitation to the bbq as they don't want their DC eating greasy food. (That's fine. They never come anyway, and we always try to guess what the next excuse will be.)

DH mentioned the children's party (he regrets it now) and BIL is offended that his DC have not been invited. DH pointed out that none of DS's cousins from my family have been invited either, as it is just for schoolmates, and also that BIL's DC are quite a bit younger than DS, so might feel intimidated by a gaggle of older kids. BIL later sent DH a text to inform him that he and SIL are unhappy and disappointed that we do not realise how mature and advanced their DC are, and that our DS's birthday will be ruined for not seeing his cousins.

WIBU to text back and tell them to just F-off? They always make me feel so crappy and like I've made a wrong decision. I know that tomorrow I'm going to have MIL calling to 'mediate' (persuade me to invite the DC). Should I just give in and invite the DC anyway?

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 08/09/2014 07:17

At parties that DD attended where cousins were invited, it was pretty obvious who the cousins were because they were ignored by the schoolmates because they didn't know them.

If they are much younger they definitely will be left out. I don't know how old your son is, but they won't want to play babyish games with much younger children and may feel that the younger ones might spoil the party.

PinkLemons · 08/09/2014 07:17

at greasy fud

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/09/2014 07:22

'You are invited to son's birthday party, the one that you just turned down.'

ChasedByBees · 08/09/2014 07:29

Yes to Noblegiraffes:

'If you're concerned that DS's birthday will be ruined by not seeing his cousins, please do reconsider coming to the bbq. Bring sandwiches if you don't want BBQ food.'

They do sound very irritating. How rude to decline a party Ecuador of greasy good! Eat before then if you're that precious! Does he think it'll all be quinoa and salad at a child's birthday party?*

assuming here, maybe it is...

ChasedByBees · 08/09/2014 07:31

Ecuador??

a party invite because of greasy food!

That should have read.

KristinaM · 08/09/2014 07:35

They are nuts. Do what everyone else said on a loop

And PLEASE tell me all the excuses they have used on previous occasions

Madamecastafiore · 08/09/2014 07:38

Tell them you'll only be serving greasy food at the kids party.

Surfsup1 · 08/09/2014 07:52

You could also simply reply "Don't worry, we won't be serving greasy food at the BBQ so you'll be perfectly safe attending that event."

Since when are BBQs about greasy food?

WooWooOwl · 08/09/2014 07:55

YANBU, your inlaws sound like they are properly stuck up their own arses.

Text back and say you have invited them to celebrate their cousins birthday at a family BBQ, and while your ds might be disappointed not to see his cousins for his birthday, that's their doing and you're sure he will get over it.

Do these crazy people really think that party food is going to be better for their children than BBQ food?

HSMMaCM · 08/09/2014 08:02

I also keep family and friends separate and fail to see how BBQ chicken is greasy . They can always bring their own salad to BBQ. Just make sure everyone knows that you're more disappointed at them missing the family party than they are at gate crashing another one.

pluCaChange · 08/09/2014 08:06

What fun! Relatives who are both precious and rude! That's a great personality clash.

Whereisegg · 08/09/2014 08:09

I also need to hear previous excuses

KnackeredMuchly · 08/09/2014 09:19

What plucachange says!! These relatives are really golden. Keep them close at hand so you can keep updating us they sound brilliant

Come on, what other prissy excuses have they given?! I need more!!

Leeds2 · 08/09/2014 09:27

Don't you dare back down, OP!

They are being completely unreasonable. I have never heard of "greasy food" being used as an excuse for avoiding anything, let alone a BBQ where there will presumably be grilled meats and salad. If they are so concerned about your DS seeing his cousins on his birthday, they should have come to the BBQ and eaten nothing/brought sandwiches if they were that concerned.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/09/2014 09:59

No don't back down, he is very rude to even suggested it, especially after being invited to the family birthday and turning it down. They could have come, and brought something for the dc to eat, what a poor excuse.

CeliaFate · 08/09/2014 10:04

I would text back that you are very hurt and offended by their insinuation that your bbq will contain "greasy food".

I wouldn't really, but I'd like to.
Pompous twats.
Ignore them and any further texts.

DeWee · 08/09/2014 10:15

Ime cousins invited to birthday parties causes all sorts of problems.
I have come across:

One family whose birthday parties started with 15 cousins aged from teens down to toddlers, all of whom had to be invited. Birthday child was allowed 2 friends. Toddlers usually got underfoot of the older ones, teens clearly were bored.
Birthday child having to stick only with cousin as they knew no one. His other guests were all from school.
Older cousin winning all the games
Younger cousin crying when not winning all the games and aunty intervening and telling the guests they had to let him win because he was younger.
Upset when family decides to have a small trip out with 2 friends rather than big party, and don't invite cousins.
Cousin feeling left out because they only know birthday child.

I think family party/school party is much more sensible and totally ignore your BIL. Children have been invited to his birthday.

Frontier · 08/09/2014 10:21

Tempting as it is don't be rude back.

Tell them you are sad they won't be at the family party, tell them what the menu (of non-greasy food)is, is anything there acceptable or would they like to bring something non-greasy to go on the BBQ, or sandwiches etc as someone else suggested.

I bet the food planned for the kids' party is far less healthy!

if they never come to the BBQ, why are they so keen on the kids' party? Do they want couple of hours babysitting?!

Original poster

dippylongstocking · 08/09/2014 15:03

So MIL did call this morning, and surprisingly she told me that she thinks BIL is being stupid and should grow up a bit! Now that we've got her as back up I will definitely not back down and BIL can just deal with it!

As you all seem so interested, some of the previous excuses (for other events too, not just bbq) have been;
SIL's godmother's divorce had been finalised the previous week and she was feeling upset; their car was being repaired and they didn't want to walk the five minutes to our house (this was before they had DC); I had unintentionally lost some weight due to illness and SIL didn't want to be made to feel fat; didn't come to a Saturday picnic as their DS was due to have injections on Monday and thought he might be worrying about it (he was 3MO).

The best one so far though, (and the one we still laugh about); BIL couldn't find his nice jacket, so neither of them came to my birthday meal as he would have felt underdressed!

OP posts:

Whereisegg · 08/09/2014 15:07

3mo worrying about his injections is fucking brilliant

NoodleOodle · 08/09/2014 15:17

Pair of tools. If you have to correspond with them, re-invite them to family bbq with option to bring own food, and avoid cousins having to miss out on celebrating with your DC, which is obviously important as they have pointed out themselves. Still, pair of tools, yanbu.

MammaTJ · 08/09/2014 15:17

I'm so glad I asked!

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut · 08/09/2014 15:17

lol lol lol at the excuses

I say fire some back at them

"Sorry we didn't invite your dc to the school friends' party, but we've recently vacuumed the carpet and didn't want you to feel inferior when you saw the stylish stripes we hoovered in."

"It would have been lovely to invite you to the school friends' party but we have your horoscopes read (and your dcs') at regular intervals and it turned out that should you have come, you could have been killed in a freak Party Ring incident. Obviously, a party's not a party without Party Rings, of course you understand."

"It was you or that tramp from down the arcade. We flipped a coin. Blame God."

"We lost your names, addresses and phone numbers, and all memory of your existence and now we've been to Tesco and made up the party bags so it's too late."

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/09/2014 15:20

Laughing so much at these! What are they like!

Glad you are standing firm OP.

AlpacaLypse · 08/09/2014 15:21

We lost your names, addresses and phone numbers, and all memory of your existence and now we've been to Tesco and made up the party bags so it's too late.

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