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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what would you do

51 replies

wheresthelight · 07/09/2014 19:54

a friend has asked me to make a cake for a particular event - i am by no means a professional but can do a little bit. I have agreed to do it as a gift for this event. event is 2 weeks today and despite persistent requests to meet up and discuss as she has yet to make a decision on exactly what she wants she keeps finding excuses.

tried to call her today and it was declined so sent her a message (no voicemail) to say if she had changed her mind about me doing it then that's fine but if not then we really need to sit down and sort it out as I have lots on over the next couple of weeks and time is getting short, plus if I need to order any bits then we are running very short of time.

she says next Sunday is the earliest she thinks she might be free. that gives me no time whatsoever to order anything and very little to make and decorate the cake.

I am really miffed that she is taking the Mick. do I just say look if you don't see me in the next 2-3 days then you will have to pick something very basic that doesn't require me having to order anything or else it just won't happen or do I suck it up and running. round like an idiot next week trying to sort the cake she wants - assuming she has even chosen anything?!

OP posts:
flashnorman · 07/09/2014 19:57

Tell her if she can't make time to discuss it, you can't bloody well do it! She is taking the piss royally, if she wants something for nothing then she should be prepared to at least tell you what she wants.

LastingLight · 07/09/2014 20:00

Pick a design you think might be suitable, send it to her and say that if she doesn't get back to you by Tuesday this is the cake that you will be making as you need time to order etc.

francesdrake · 07/09/2014 20:03

I think this is the point where I'd tell her to order something from Waitrose Entertaining or one of the in-store bakeries - she's still got time to do that, and they'll have designs she can pick from. If she's this flaky now, I wouldn't want to think (a) what she'll be like if the cake isn't exactly how she envisioned it in her mind, or (b) when you're likely to be reimbursed for any costs.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 07/09/2014 20:05

flash - that is exactly the response I typed and then deleted!

I have tried to send her designs today but they have been ignored. but is suspect that she is going to have to be told that it is x design or nothing if she doesn't get back to me by Wednesday.

OP posts:
Shallan · 07/09/2014 20:05

Actuakky I would just meet her on the Sunday, and if she makes any fancy suggestions, just say not possible now, I did tell you I would need time to order anything, as it's so late now I cannot do that, and then point her to something simpler. Repeat ad nauseasm.

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 20:05

Just say its cutting it far to fine and point her towards m&s or waitrose whilst she still has time.

It's a bit rude if her really.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 07/09/2014 20:07

Frances - i am doing it as a gift so not expecting to be reimbursed but I may tell her to sod off to tesco and buy an off the shelf cake

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 07/09/2014 20:13

Just say "That doesn't work for me. Since I'm not a professional it takes me time to order up the supplies and do the work. You'll need to go to a shop and order one up from them as I wouldn't want to do a substandard job." Then stick to your guns.

EugenesAxe · 07/09/2014 20:18

I wouldn't make her one at all TBH in case it's not used or in case she's pissing about because she HAS had an offer from someone else. I'd just send her a few messages - mobile, home, email, FB; however you can to ensure she can't complain about not having received them, to say that you can't make the cake unless she calls by X day.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 07/09/2014 20:43

eugenes - if she doesn't see me before Wednesday then I will be saying sorry i can't do it.

I hate being taken advantage of

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 07/09/2014 20:46

Yes, she is taking the piss. Just tell her straight thatuyou won't be able to do it.

Thefishewife · 07/09/2014 20:48

Please don't waist your time if she can't be bothered to even get back to you

pictish · 07/09/2014 20:49

Text her this....
"I'll need more time than that to do the cake. We'll need to talk by Tuesday at the very latest. If that's not possible, I'll either do something basic, or you can buy off the shelf. Time constraints dictate on this one I'm afraid. Over to you?"

CromerSutra · 07/09/2014 20:50

I think you are right op. Give her a time to contact you by and if she doesn't tell her you haven't got enough time to do it. She 's being rude, especially as you are doing it as a favour!

Original poster
wheresthelight · 07/09/2014 20:52

pictish that is essentially what I sent. Sunday was too late as needed more time and I need decisions by Tuesday. all have got back is "see what I can do"

ball is in her court. if she doesn't contact me then no cake.

OP posts:
ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 07/09/2014 21:02

You could say that to her as a reply. Say if nothing is decided by Tuesday then no cake I'm afraid

NK5BM3 · 07/09/2014 21:02

Most professionals want several weeks in advance notice! So as a non pro I would think you'd need more time especially if you also work full time in another job! Yanbu.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 07/09/2014 21:13

therein lies the issue I think. I am a sahm so don't work but I do have a very active baby and in order to actually do the damn cake I need to arrange someone to have her amd everyone else works so not an easy feat.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 07/09/2014 21:18

I'd just text to say you can't do it - very short and to the point message.

Leeds2 · 07/09/2014 21:21

I would send a text saying sorry, not enough time now, suggest you order a cake from M&S/Tesco/Waitrose.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 07/09/2014 21:27

Another vote for backing out now. She's not even being polite to you. How much time does it take to tell you what cake design she wants, for heaven's sake?

MaryWestmacott · 07/09/2014 21:31

I would send her another message saying that you are going to struggle for time now, so if she really can't get this sorted before next Sunday, she'll have to pop to the supermarket and pick one up.

Say it now, not Wednesday, you'll only fume between now and then.

NK5BM3 · 07/09/2014 21:42

That's interesting re the work situation. Friend of mine made ds' cake and had been made redundant then. Ironically she said that she had less time then than when she was at work because she had her kids around here!

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

CromerSutra · 07/09/2014 21:46

Oh dear, I think given that lazy response I would back out or be forever resentful. She is acting like she is doing you a favour! I think I'd text "actually, I think I'd rather not do it. You are clearly not that fussed and I have a lot on. Hope the event goes well". And leave it at that. Am fuming on your behalf!

Original poster
wheresthelight · 07/09/2014 22:01

nk - i know how she feels! dd walked at 9 months and rarely sleeps in the day so it is a full time job almost keeping her safe and occupied! by the time I have done housework, washing, dog walking, food shopping and cooking amd then collected dsc's when dp is at work I am not sure how I found time to go out to work. I do not envy the lovely ladies who go to work and have kids, I live on awe of their skills!!

Cromer - thanks! I think I will send her a message tomorrow and see what happens and if nothing comes back then she can whistle and I will comfort myself that I have had a unanimous ianbu Grin

OP posts:
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