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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to keep my passwords private from my husband

57 replies

Queenofknickers · 07/09/2014 15:31

OR should there be no secrets between husband and wife? I'd be interested in hearing your opinions please

OP posts:
PicandMinx · 07/09/2014 15:34

YANBU. Passwords, PIN numbers etc shouldn't be shared.

ilovesooty · 07/09/2014 15:35

They're your PINs and passwords. Not his. YANBU.

Original poster
Queenofknickers · 07/09/2014 15:36

Thanks for you reply - can you explain why you feel like this to help me get it straight in my head?

OP posts:
Theas18 · 07/09/2014 15:38

Not unreasonable at all. Things like banking stuff should be known only to you. Mumsnet password who cares if he knows or not.

However, just a caution, it's worth setting a mechanism in place so he can access them if needed. For instance should you die he can access stuff that he needs and let your on line friends know.

ajandjjmum · 07/09/2014 15:39

DH is the only person who knows my main password - I'd hate to die and leave everyone with no access to my stuff!

ilovesooty · 07/09/2014 15:39

In terms of PINs you can violate the Ts & Cs by passing them on to anyone else.

Passwordsare to keep things private so that you can access them as you wish, and for anyone else to want them is controlling and disrespectful.

It's the same as thinking you can open someone else's post, or go through their bag.

Theas18 · 07/09/2014 15:40

Banking pins and passwords it's part of your agreement with the bank that only you know them.

MexicanSpringtime · 07/09/2014 15:40

We all have a right to privacy, you are not joined at the hips.

wingcommandergallic · 07/09/2014 15:40

well, for one it's a question of security.
DP and I have a joint bank account but with separate security procedures at the behest of the bank.

As for passwords, some are saved on the laptop so we could get into each others accounts but wouldn't without permission. It's simply a question of respect and boundaries. You wouldn't listen in on your partner's phone calls, would you?

Original poster
Queenofknickers · 07/09/2014 15:40

But what if he wants it so he can go through your iPad etc whenever he wants? Is this oK?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/09/2014 15:41

I think it most certainly is not ok.

Squitten · 07/09/2014 15:42

We don't actively tell each other passwords/PINs. TBH, it wouldn't occur to me to need any of his because I never need to access his stuff and vice versa.

Having said that, if I needed him to access my bank for some reason I would have no problem telling him the code. It's not about trust, there's just no need!

superbagpuss · 07/09/2014 15:43

pins no way

we have some generic passwords for some accounts like amazon where we share the account

we have our own passwords for email as that's private

dh could pick up my tablet and read mumsnet any time he wants too, it's a trust thing

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 15:43

If its because he wants to 'go through your ipad' then that's more of a trust issue than a security issue.

Squitten · 07/09/2014 15:43

X-post

That is not ok OP! Why doesn't he trust you? Sticking his nose into your emails etc is not ok.

petalsandstars · 07/09/2014 15:44

No I think that is controlling and wanting to check up on you. I wouldn't agree to it.

Original poster
Queenofknickers · 07/09/2014 15:44

What if he's got what he feels is good reason eg he found a conversation with an ex of 20 years that had got out of hand and he is understandably extremely upset. I've never done anything like that before and never will again. Is that justification for him looking through my iPad whenever he likes without telling me?

OP posts:
PicandMinx · 07/09/2014 15:46

Why does he want to go through your IPad?

Billben · 07/09/2014 15:46

We'll I've got no problem with my husband knowing my PINs or passwords to be honest. Many times I have to borrow his credit card (everything joint in our household) because I've misplaced mine or he can't find his

ilovesooty · 07/09/2014 15:47

He might think it's a good reason. I don't think it is.

PicandMinx · 07/09/2014 15:47

X-post trust issue.

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 15:47

He obviously is worried incase it's still going on. I can see from his side also.

Catsmamma · 07/09/2014 15:48

do you have his PIN/passwords? Or is he willing to share them?

I presume not.

Nomama · 07/09/2014 15:48

No, because this is my work laptop and that would be an instant sacking offence - too much confidential info is accessible.

Yes on most other things, home computer etc, cos it doesn't matter... we occasionally buy stuff, respond to emails as each other, depending on who is at home and driving the credit card. So our email accounts are effectively shared anyway.

He has high security on his laptop, no tracking etc. I know that would be a 'red flag' for many here. But it just keeps our internet access clean. I don't know about his phone, never looked! But I wouldn't imagine it is locked.

wingcommandergallic · 07/09/2014 15:49

If he's upset about the circumstances then you both need to work on rebuilding the trust. Personally I don't think the ability to read your partner's messages will help that.

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