Look at her hairy legs

[Gruntled]

I've just fallen out with my mum. DD8 is wearing a short skirt and six times this morning DM has pointed out that she is getting hairy legs! I told her that she should stop saying it as it will give her a complex. AIBU to tell her to shut up? Now she's huffing about muttering about not being able to say anything these days. She has form for this sort of thing, no one can just be 'the little girl round the corner' it's always the black girl or the fat boy or the big nosed man.

YANBU, that's enough to give anyone a complex.

My gran's like that with her descriptions of people, it's awful. YADNBU, why on earth would anyone point that out to an 8yo girl?!

Your mum is being rude. She has the right to choose what she wants to do with her body, and no right over your dd's body. Tell her to keep her opinions to herself.

Yanbu.

What a nasty thing to say to your dd.

I'd have fallen out with your mum too. And I'd be pretty insistent that if she didn't button it the fall out would continue.

"AIBU to tell her to shut up?"

Not in the least.

Not unreasonable. My mums the same.

Six times?

I'd ask her if she's worried about her short-term memory and is it perhaps time to get checked out by the GP?

And then remove yourself and your dd from her company.

It depends how it was said.

If you mum has form for making derogatory comments, then she might have been being out if order or you might have been being hyper sensitive to her saying something out of order.

But tbh, I commented to my child when their legs started getting hairy, it's just a sign of growing up, not something to be ashamed of.

I think treating it as if it's an awful thing that shouldn't be spoken about between children and loving parents and grandparents is much more likely to cause a complex than a little observational comment.

Would you have the same problem if your mum had commented that your dd had caught the saun and had a bit of a tan, or if she'd had a haircut, or if she was wearing a particular tshirt?

Is she Mrs Perfect-Grooming and is offended by the sight of body hair per se?

What does she expect you or your Dd to do about an 8 year olds hairy legs though?

Is she pointing them out because she expects them to be depilated -or covered up -or what?

YANBU to protect your DD from this kind of shit.

Has your mum being like this affected how you think about yourself/other people?

I think you did right gruntled. It sounds like your mum can be a bit cruel about other peoples' appearances and was focusing the same negative attention on DD. You, as DD's mum, protected her from that. Good job

Oh yes. She is growing human hair on her human legs. It's like she's a person or something. (one answer I'd consider)
But yes. Multiple times seems odd. Did you ignore it at first? Was she trying to start a fight?
Did you mention the recent uproar about 9 year olds being offered money off waxing?

YANBU.

I wouldn't put up with this either. It's extremely rude to make personal remarks.

It's undermining, whether that's the intention or not.

She is being rude & ridiculous and needs telling. 8 yo's generally do have quite downy hairy legs - it's the way they are. Banging on about it is going to make your DD very self conscious when she shouldn't be.

I'd stay 'fallen out' until she pulls her head in.

It's not the fact she has hairy legs, she does! It's that I said OK we know but still she carried on. I am paranoid that DD will now notice that her legs are hairier than her friends!
I know I'm over reacting really.

You're not over reacting. It is a weird thing to raise more than once (and only once if it is anyway relevant or the appropriate filter on the mouth is broken).

She is turning into the oldest one from Golden Girls these days, so I think the brain to mouth filter needs replacing.

You're not over-reacting, it was mean.

Was your mum critical of you when you were younger? Your feelings on this might be stronger if the situation reminded you of put-downs you tolerated as a child.

I don't remember her being like it in the past but The more I think about it when we go shopping it's a minefield of "oh look she's fat" and "he's sweaty isn't he" Just not necessary.

My girls were pestering from 10 or 11 to be allowed to shave their legs. I don't blame you for not wanting to male an issue of it. Your Mum sounds very annoying.

YANBU. Your mother is out of order.

The trouble is, a lot of women of her generation were conditioned into thinking that looks (in women) are everything.
Back in the 50's and 60's, if you were from a poor family, then if you were female and beautiful, it was seen as a 'passport' for getting out of the poverty trap.
With a bit of luck, you might meet a naice rich man and be whisked off to a life of luxury.
This was also the era of Beauty Pageants don't forget and women were forced to be ultra slim or they were nothing.
Girls were very rarely encouraged academically.

Even though times have changed, some of these ideas (in your mother's generation) are so firmly entrenched that you will have a difficult time trying to change her!
You have my sympathies.

I agree with some of that but no, women were not pressured to be ultra thin in the 50s and 60s. You were expected to have big breasts and being ultra thin and having big breasts is not the easiest combo.

The ultra thin thing was the 70s and through to present day

"I commented to my child when their legs started getting hairy"

Six times in a single morning? After being asked to stop?

Oh god, that'll be next. "Look at her fat little tummy"