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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was really rude?

50 replies

Joolsy · 07/09/2014 08:23

Couple of mums from DD's yr1 class arranged a night out in local pub. Me & couple of mum friends from the class went along as we thought it would be nice to get to know the tohers a bit more. One mum couldn't make it but put a msg on group chat to say we were all welcome to pop in for glass or 2 of wine, but to let her know before 9pm if anyone was coming. It was quite lighthearted though & as we were all in the pub I assumed we were all staying there. 1 or 2 of them mentioned it would have been a good idea if we hadn't arranged to meet at the pub & I agreed. Nothing else about it said. I was chatting to my 2 friends for a bit, then after about 1½ hours of arriving about 7 of them put on their coats & told the remaining 5 of us they were off to this other mum's house. Didn't ask the rest of us if we wanted to come & they had obviously privately messaged the other mum to say they were coming as there was nothing on the group message. I don't know the other mum well enough to invite myself along. So off they went leaving 5 of us! AIBU to think this was rude?

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 07/09/2014 08:26

Yet another reason to avoid all the school mum shite.

CeliaFate · 07/09/2014 08:26

Yabu. I don't think it was rude, I think the mum who couldn't make it invited you all to her house so she could be involved and you all went to the pub anyway.
You were left with a big enough group of friends, so I don't see a problem.
I would have hated to be the mum at home alone, having invited people to join me for a glass of wine and nobody responded on the group chat.

amyhamster · 07/09/2014 08:27

Sounds odd
This is why I don't like socialising with school mums
They're not really friends, just a group of randomers thrown together by coincidence of when children were born !
But did you have fun with the remaining 5? 12 people in a house sounds a lot anyway!!

Madeyemoodysmum · 07/09/2014 08:28

Its rude but doesn't surprise me. I had a similar situation a while back with some of my friends. These were proper friends too!

Thisisthelasttime · 07/09/2014 08:29

I am unsure if it's rude or not. After been in awkward situations with mums from school in the past I now avoid like the plague. Most events I attended with school mums turned into a bitch fest so I now keep away.

Original poster
Joolsy · 07/09/2014 08:30

Didn't really 'have fun' as such once they'd gone, we all felt a bit bewildered! The 2 other mums left soon after, then it was just me & my 2 friends, and I'm starting to wish it had just been the 3 of us to begin with!!!

OP posts:
amyhamster · 07/09/2014 08:34

I would stick to those two & sod the rest Grin

Optimist1 · 07/09/2014 08:37

I get your point, Joolsy, but to be fair the idea of meeting up in a pub has lots of advantages in the circumstances. No-one has to open their home to comparative strangers, new mums find it more informal and people can arrive and leave whenever it suits them.

You had an hour and a half of a full meetup and at least there were 5 of you left - not just 2 or 3! It sounds as though the mum who was hosting the alternative event couldn't go to the pub and didn't want to miss out on the social activities, which is understandable.

Sorry, I think you're being a teeny bit U, given that you did get to meet the others for a decent length of time.

Fabulassie · 07/09/2014 08:39

I don't think anybody was rude. She invited people to pop by and asked that those who were coming let her know. They let her know and they went. If you'd wanted to go, you could have. You were under no obligation to do so, either.

You ended up with your two friends. It's all good. :)

Original poster
Joolsy · 07/09/2014 08:43

Most of the ones that left were quite standoffish anyway, I attempted to make conversation with a few of them and didn't get very far. At least I know who to give a wide berth to in future. I've been doing this long enough to realise there are some people who just aren't worth the effort

OP posts:
Eastpoint · 07/09/2014 08:48

I agree with Fabulassie, the other mum invited you & you & your friends chose not to accept her invitation. The others did. No problem.

Shockers · 07/09/2014 08:49

I think it was nice that they didn't ignore her invitation and leave her in on her own.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 07/09/2014 08:50

I think it was rude for the others to leave. I also think it was strange for the person unable to attend to request people over on the same night. Also why did she need people to let her know by a set time if they wanted to come over? If she wanted to host an evening like this, why not just say to come after x and bring a bottle.

School gate nonsense. Go with out your friends. If you want to see the others don't rely on them staying the night and make your own plans.

Shallan · 07/09/2014 08:51

I'm not sure i understand tbh.

The mum who couldn't make it said on group chat that you were all welcome to pop in, so you were invited? You could have chosen to go along. Instead you chose to stay in the pub. I don't think there's any rudeness on either side there.

Original poster
Joolsy · 07/09/2014 08:51

They would have replied to her somehow as some of them are good friends with her so I'm sure she wouldn't have been ignored. I just think as we arrived as a group, maybe it would have been polite to say they were going & would the rest of us like to come? I really didn't think it was an option as they'd said earlier on that they would have gone had we not arranged to go to pub

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 07/09/2014 08:55

Why was it rude?

You all had an invitation to a mums house; some mums took it up and you and some others chose not to.

Where was the rudeness?

Bakeoffcakes · 07/09/2014 09:00

I don't think they were rude at all. They took up an invite which you had all been given.

Why is that rudeConfused

rollonthesummer · 07/09/2014 09:00

I think OP is saying that earlier in the evening the same mums were saying it would have been nice to go to this house for a drink but wouldn't because they were in the pub. They then changed their mind without discussing it with or inviting the other few and just left.

Yes, I think that's rude.

Original poster
Joolsy · 07/09/2014 09:04

Yes, you got it, rollonthesummer :)

OP posts:
amyhamster · 07/09/2014 09:06

They were being cliquey
If they wanted the remaining five to go they would have told them the plan
They clearly were plotting & texting other mum in the loos
Bunch of meanies

Fabulassie · 07/09/2014 09:06

Oh! Well, that is odd!

Bowlersarm · 07/09/2014 09:08

Well I still don't think it was rude.

The mum at home issued an open invitation.

Some people decided to take it up. There was absolutely nothing to stop you going as well if you fancied it. Likewise as some mums were staying in the pub it was easy for yuh to stay there and not go.

Yabu

Anotherchapter · 07/09/2014 09:21

It was an open invite .

You could of said ' ok we will join you'

I bet you sat and bitched about it all night after they left - that's why the other two did one straight to house party ladies home

Original poster
Joolsy · 07/09/2014 09:40

anotherchapter - you must be joking. Nothing was said whatsoever about them going. We just chatted for a while as friends do. We're not into bitching - that would imply we're jealous of something or someone. I just thought their behaviour was rude.

OP posts:
Pinkrose1 · 07/09/2014 09:46

YANBU.

Cliques are hateful. Like being back at school Sad

They were rude not to say 'can xyz come too? They're with us now?' to the inviting mum.

You've got other friends stick with them.