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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unfair to DS?

39 replies

trixymalixy · 06/09/2014 12:50

Both DD and DS have been going on for ages about wanting a climbing frame like their cousins.

My great uncle gave them both £100 for their birthdays, so I thought a good use of it would be to buy the climbing frame with this money.

DS however has other ideas and has been adding £70 transformer toys from Japan to my Amazon basket Hmm. I think this is a total waste of money.

However it is his money. Do I let him buy this toy or insist the money is put to better use? Would you let your DC spend that amount of money as they see fit?

An alternative we have come up is that both he and DD spend £30, putting £70 towards the climbing frame and DH and I will make up the balance as part of their Xmas present. Fair or not?

OP posts:
Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 06/09/2014 12:51

The last option is the best IMO

however · 06/09/2014 12:53

How old are they?

Original poster
trixymalixy · 06/09/2014 12:55

DS is 7, DD is 5.

OP posts:
youbethemummylion · 06/09/2014 12:57

He has been putting the toys in your Amazon basket?! If he were mine he would not be getting them just for that! And why does he have access to your Amazon account?

JeanSeberg · 06/09/2014 12:58

How much is the climbing frame?

Patilla · 06/09/2014 13:03

Does he get any pocket money that he could contribute? It wouldn't make a dint but might help the feeling of contributing to it?

Icimoi · 06/09/2014 13:04

Why, youbethemummylion? It's only the basket, and from what the OP is saying he intends to pay for the toy from his own money.

DaisyFlowerChain · 06/09/2014 13:06

I'd let him spend his birthday money on what he wants. It was given to him.

This is why I don't give cash or vouchers anymore as I've seen lots of posts where the birthday child gets no say in what's it's spent on or it's seen as fair game family money.

PoppyAmex · 06/09/2014 13:11

The problem is if he spends it on toys, your DD won't be able to buy the climbing frame alone; or if she does he'll use it too and that would be unfair for DD.

MrsWinnibago · 06/09/2014 13:15

I think you're right OP.

DaisyFlowerChain · 06/09/2014 13:16

Why are the DDs wants more important than his though?

As long as he understands he gets one or the other, he should be allowed too spend his birthday money as he chooses. It was given to him.

slithytove · 06/09/2014 13:20

His money, his choice.

Inform him that he can either buy a shared climbing frame (assuming other DC agrees) or not.

He should get to choose his own toys (within safety reasons) if it's his money at that age I think?

MrsWinnibago · 06/09/2014 13:21

Daisy why are his more important than hers though?

sanfairyanne · 06/09/2014 13:21

at that age i would put some in savings and let him spend some. if he isnt bothered about a climbing frame then dont make him spend his money on it.

slithytove · 06/09/2014 13:21

If he is happy with your alternative, it does seem good. I have to say though I think a child should get to spend their own birthday money, £100 is a huge amount and I would probably insist that something was saved out of it.

slithytove · 06/09/2014 13:22

MrsW it's his money. He doesn't have to go halves on a big item with anyone else if he doesn't want to.

slithytove · 06/09/2014 13:23

Just sounds to me like parents don't want to buy the climbing frame Blush sorry

DaisyFlowerChain · 06/09/2014 13:24

His wants don't need anybody to pay towards them whereas the dd needs him to forgo his choices and use the money towards what she wants. There's a big difference.

DaisyFlowerChain · 06/09/2014 13:27

Slithy, I thought that too. It would have been easier to ask them if they wanted it from their parents as a joint birthday present. If they didn't, it's obviously just a passing fad.

Ragwort · 06/09/2014 13:29

I wouldn't have told a 7 year old they were given £100 Shock as a birthday gift.

My DS has received similar sums of money from generous relatives and it goes straight into his savings account, perhaps with a small amount to spend as he chooses - or not if I considered he had enough 'toys/stuff' Grin.

At 13 he now has several £100s towards university/driving lessons/whatever which seems a lot more important than a few transformer toys.

Mrsjayy · 06/09/2014 13:32

Well I think they are far to young to chose and realise how much anything is worth you are allowing them to much say and nobody is gping to win or be happy

Original poster
trixymalixy · 06/09/2014 13:32

He doesn't have access to my Amazon account, you need a password to get through to purchase. I have 1-click ordering disabled.

DS wants the climbing frame as much as DD does, he loves climbing ropes.

I do think as DD is younger that she will get more use out of it, but I think this is balanced by the fact that DD asked for a trampoline for her last birthday and DS uses it as much as she does.

My great uncle gives them £100 every year for their birthday which has just gone into savings up until now, so I feel it's ok to spend all of this year's birthday money.

The climbing frame is nearer to £300 at the moment, but I'm hoping it's the end of the summer they will be reduced soon to nearer £200 as they were last year.

OP posts:
Original poster
trixymalixy · 06/09/2014 13:33

Ragwort, DS opened the card and saw the cheque for £100. It's the first year he has realised what it means.

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 06/09/2014 13:34

Ragwort, maybe it was in their birthday cards. If you hide presents from your children how do they say thank you properly.

I thought a present given actually went to the person it was intended for until MN. I can't imagine giving my niece and nephew money to have fun with and it being hidden from them or dictated to as to what it can be spent on.

DeWee · 06/09/2014 13:36

I think it depends on:

  1. Will they both use the climing frame? If ds actually isn't that bothered then it's unfair toinsist he puts money towards it.
  2. Are the transformer toys something he will use, or is it a pile of rubbish he'll be pleased about for 3 days?

Because if it was my dc, I can see dd1 (she's 13yo) not too impressed if i insisted they all put money towards something like that as she would see she would get a lot less use out of it ([ersonality as well as age).
And dd2 tends to think have money=spend money. So give her 100 and she'd have bought a few little things for herself, and presents for everyone else, which is lovely, but she will always spend everything on things she, and others don't really need.

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