Am I being unfair to DS?

[trixymalixy]

Both DD and DS have been going on for ages about wanting a climbing frame like their cousins.

My great uncle gave them both £100 for their birthdays, so I thought a good use of it would be to buy the climbing frame with this money.

DS however has other ideas and has been adding £70 transformer toys from Japan to my Amazon basket . I think this is a total waste of money.

However it is his money. Do I let him buy this toy or insist the money is put to better use? Would you let your DC spend that amount of money as they see fit?

An alternative we have come up is that both he and DD spend £30, putting £70 towards the climbing frame and DH and I will make up the balance as part of their Xmas present. Fair or not?

If they have savings buy the blooming climbing frame from that why hav88e you not done that

Have you asked him if he wants the transformer toy or the climbing frame.

Trixy, if it went down to £200, could you and DH afford it for a joint Christmas gift?

It seems like that's the best solution. Storage and seasons aside.

Slithy I was actually planning to buy the climbing frame from us, DD wanted both that and a y flikr and when told she couldn't have both she chose the y flikr. Then DS saw the cheque and has been desperate to spend it ever since. This seemed like a good idea rather than spending it all on plastic tat.

I think if your original plan was to buy it from you, then stick with that.

Let the kids spend a pre-agreed sum of their birthday money on toys of their choice, and maybe save the rest.

After all, had the uncle bought a transformers toy and a Flickr?, they would have still got a climbing frame.

So your DD got the choice and wanted something else but now your DS has to miss out so that she gets the other item as well? That's not fair in any shape or form.

Y flikr sorry

That way they both spend £70 and save £30

Slithy yes we could afford it for a Xmas gift, but then they wouldn't be getting the Xbox that DS is desperate for.

Mrsjayy, their savings are in their child trust fund so I can't access them. The transformer will lie in a drawer not being played with after the initial excitement has worn off.

This is a difficult one OP! My son had these Transformer toys (Optimus Prime etc?) and he lots got of fun and play value out of them. They may look a waste of money (I thought they seemed over-priced at first) but they can really fire children's imagination to make up their own games/scenarios with them and keep them occupied for hours. So I wouldn't write off your son's choice, especially since it's his birthday money.

On the other hand, if both he and your daughter have been asking "for ages" for a climbing frame, then I can see why it may seem the better option and joint birthday money is the perfect opportunity to buy a really big, long-lasting, worthwhile toy which both of them (and their friends) can enjoy. I also think that, at the age your children are, there is nothing wrong with you making the decision in what you consider to be their best interests. In future, I would be tempted to make the decision yourself before the children know about the money and then present the children with their present "from Granny and Grandpa". In this case, if they had just been presented with a fait accompli, and not with a choice, there is no doubt they would both have been delighted!

I think you should let him spend it on what he wants. I always let my children have all their birthday and Christmas money. It is always at least one hundred pounds each more likely £150.
I take them to a toy shop we let them buy whatever they want with no restrictions. They have never spent it all, even as toddlers there has only ever been so much they want. Hiding money from them and limiting how much they spend does nothing to teach them the value. DS was recently 8, he got 100 he spent 60 on lego and put 40 in the bank to save, his choice.

I wouldn't let my ds's spend £100 of birthday money on cheap plastic toys.

Ds3 often asks for things that I know he won't play with for more than a couple of days before they are relegated to the toy cupboard. He got about £150 for his birthday while we were on holiday. He would have chosen to spend it all in the amusement arcade and little shop on light up toys of which he has dozens. I gave him £25 to spend on what he wanted and kept the rest for him. Over the summer he has seen lots of things he has wanted that his pocket money wouldn't stretch to, sets of books, a toy at the theatre, dvd's and he has been able to get them and he is glad I didn't let him waste his money. By the same token ds1(18) and ds2(17) get to decide how to waste their own money.

I think your last idea is the best they will both have some money to spend and something that will bring them a lot of pleasure for many years.

Oh, well then, At that age there is no way I'd let them have that amount of money to spend on whatever they wanted. Gift or no.

I have never 'hidden' birthday/Christmas money from my son. . My DS was told about the gifts, or saw the cheque for himself, and always writes thank you letters, but he understood the money was going into his savings account, even from a young age I would take him to the building society to pay the cheque in.

I do assure you I think thank you letters are incredibly important .