Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to think DD(5) gets priority over handbags for bus seats?

97 replies

iProcrastinate · 06/09/2014 12:06

DD is 5, we had to get the bus this morning to do some errands (we don't drive) we got on at the terminal, and sat about halfway down the bus (single decker, a few rows behind the priority seats). The bus was quiet but soon started filling up a few stops into the route. By the time the 'incident' took place, all the pairs of seats had at least one occupant, but the majority were taken up by one person and a small bag. I had DD on one seat, me on the other and a few carrier bags at our feet.

Bus stops and two ladies get on, middle aged, I wouldn't say old, they walk past the priority seats to around where we were, looking for a vacant seat, talking to each other. They spot me and DD - and one says to the other, loudly, about children should be standing if the adults needed seats. They ignored the people who had handbags etc on the spare seat. I wasn't paying much attention, until one of them said to me directly that children shouldn't be sitting while adults were standing. I have raging PMT and said to her, politely, there were plenty of seats taken by small bags, could she please ask someone to move their bag, she scoffed and said that that was 'a bit different to children being on seats' and anyway, luggage couldn't be put in the aisle

I wasn't up for the debate so pulled DD onto my lap and shoehorned us both into the window seat with the shopping bags under my knees. She did a rather sarcastic thank you and sat down, her friend sitting behind as someone had moved their bag. They continued to talk about the rudeness of children on seats and children in general and 'slack' parents not teaching manners......

Don't get me wrong, even though DD now pays to take the bus, if the bus is busy and there are only a couple of seats free I do put her on my knee - I can't get her to stand on a moving bus as she has hypermobility and poor balance - walking to get off the bus when it's moving is a challenge on its own. But there were loads of free seats just with small handbags (not big hold alls or suitcases) on, surely a child has more entitlement to a seat than a bag? Was I in the wrong here?

OP posts:

kilmuir · 07/09/2014 09:22

My child has paid for a seat , same as them. I would not have moved him if there were other spaces

kilmuir · 07/09/2014 09:22

And not if they were being rude

LadySybilLikesCake · 07/09/2014 09:35

Ds has sat in the priority seats and has had old ladies telling him that he shouldn't be sitting there

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 10:10

I have to say I wouldn't let my child sit in a priority seat if an elderly frail person got on, or someone with a disability.
I would hope if my child was too young to be very stable though, another kind person would offer them a seat.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/09/2014 10:12

So sorry, Lady.

Obvious example of someone who should have updated reading on thread before posting.

Sorry again!

Alligatorpie · 07/09/2014 10:26

I once had a very well dressed woman refuse to move her bags on a train (packed train) so I could sit down 'I don't have anywhere to put them!'. i was carrying 5 day old dd in a sling and had a 45 minute journey. A very kind man heard me say 'i have a five day old baby here' and jumped up and offered me his seat. Luckily for her, she was very close to being on the wrong end of a hormonal rant.
YWNBU

prettypleasewithsugarontop · 07/09/2014 10:34

It's funny reading the comments re if you've paid for a seat for your child then you shouldn't move - I was flamed a while back for not offering a seat to well bodied teenagers on a very overcrowded bus - I was told that I was paying to travel and not for a seat

AIBU confuses me

LadySybilLikesCake · 07/09/2014 11:08

Oh, don't worry We do move if someone frail needs the seat, or I will stand and order him to stay seated. It pisses me off that people assume that children are not disabled and have no right to have a seat. If he was small I'd put him on my lap, but he's 15 so that won't work I wouldn't have put him on my lap if there were loads of seats which had bags on them though.

Fluffyears · 07/09/2014 12:31

I get a train daily and a blind gentleman with an assistance dog uses same service and everyday people sit in priority seats and sometimes move with great resistance. He almost sat on someone in those seats as he couldn't see them and dog went straight over to normal place. Usually if the ticket conductor sees him having to stand he will move people. One woman told the blind man she was keeping a (priority) seat next to her for her friend the man took the seat anyway and said 'I'm sure she can stand' wanted to applaud him.

BramwellBrown · 07/09/2014 12:34

You need to say that she's a disabled child and unable to stand. sadly that doesn't always help.

My 14 year old brother is disabled, and telling people he cant stand has actually led to him getting some really horrible abuse off adults because he doesn't look it until you see him walking, once in year 7 a woman even threatened to give him a clip round the ear for telling such dreadful lies and tried to pull him out his seat. (and it turned out, after a wonderful older lad took her photo on his phone and the school got the police involved, that she didn't even have any specific need for a seat, she was just a grumpy old bitch) Luckily the other boys on the bus have always stuck up for him but they shouldn't need to.

LadySybilLikesCake · 07/09/2014 13:02

I see a fair few OAP's sprint down the road for the bus, then glare at ds as though he shouldn't be sitting down. If ds could sprint down the road this way he'd happily stand up.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/09/2014 13:14

YANBU. People should move their bags. I'd never take a seat from a small child. I can stand safely and am strong enough to hold on. Imo small children come under the vulnerable and infirm category and should be able to sit down where they are safe and not chucked out of seats for snotty cows with a superiority complex.

If there were bags taking up seats then there was no need for you to have her on your lap at that point. They should have sat on someone's shopping instead

DrankSangriaInThePark · 07/09/2014 13:25

Op, Yanbu.

Unlike a whole load of later arsewits on the thread, who are clearly not quite bright enough to have read where you said the horrid women were NOT old.
Funny how the posters who are always so disgusting about the elderly (even when the thread isn't even about the elderly) always sound so charmingly common. Do you all get pissed and have catfights outside wetherspoons when other women look at your bloke? You come across as that type.

Mosschopz · 07/09/2014 14:19

That's it... Nice clean sand pit, family of five (baby through to school age) playing in it, their large dog running in and out. No attempt to stop it, then it pees in the sand next to one of the diggers. Not a word from any of the family. Aibu in thinking this is out if order or am I being uptight? Couldn't believe they thought it was ok to even let the dog in the sand, but no-one seemed to object.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 07/09/2014 14:28

YANBU OP, people should always move their bags. It's fair enough to put one on the seat if the bus is empty or there is a lot of spaces but you move them before you are asked. Sounds like those women were just wankers.

hackmum · 07/09/2014 14:38

People who put their bags on seat give me the rage. At least the ones who put it on the inside seat give me the rage - obviously if it's on the outside seat it shows that they are happy to move it. But it really pisses me off when I get on a crowded train and have to ask someone to move their bag so I can sit on the inside seat, and then push my way past them to actually reach the seat. Why don't they just move to the inside seat themselves? What is wrong with people?

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 07/09/2014 14:58

I have to confess... I sit on the outside seat with my bag under my seat. More than happy to let others in but have been bitten too many times by sitting next to the window and a giant person sitting next to me, overflowing into my seat and elbowing me for an hour. Sitting on the aisle gives me 'escape' room.

OP YANBU in the slightest.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 07/09/2014 15:25

Not sure exactly what point DrankSangria was making, but I want to clarify that my comment about ageism was not directed at the OP. She did not identify the women as old, but as middle-aged. But predictably that set off some ageist comments among other posters.

ilovesooty · 07/09/2014 15:34

Scone I think Sangria was making the same point as you.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 07/09/2014 15:36

She was. :-)

SconeRhymesWithGone · 07/09/2014 15:56

Thanks.

bvpi157 · 26/09/2015 06:34

I know this is an old thread..I came across it whilst researching attitudes to priority seating. There is an interesting mix of views here, expressed and reported! Can I share some facts? I'd be interested in views....

Most conditions of carriage have common clauses about:

No guarantee of a seat
Any luggage/Bags must be stowed properly (not on seats or aisles) or should be held

And SOME also include

Children under 5 should not occupy a seat required by a fare-paying passenger. If they've paid a child fare, then this clause tends not to apply. NB This is an old clause gradually being written out of CoC's as it is far safer for a young child to be seated than made to stand and it is not feasible to insist on them being held when an adult has more than one young child with them.

In the situation outlined by the OP the rude passengers chose to focus on (3) which only comes into play when the bus is busy and is a condition of the particular service. It isn't a condition on all services. It does not apply on London buses, for example.

Incidently, although transport companies are required by law to provide priority seats for people with disabilities, there is no entitlement to a seat for anyone nor obligation on any passenger to vacate a seat for anyone else, including people carrying children or who are pregnant. Some companies even have an explicit reference to 'first come, first served' - which confusingly seems to imply an entitlement as soon as a bum hits the seat...

Also, some companies now have conditions relating to standing - that they want everyone to sit, if there is a seat. This is safer and enables more efficient boarding/alighting.

So unless someone has a copy of the current conditions of carriage to hand, they don't really 'know' what the rules are, they are expressing their view of the norms, or what they think should happen.

This whole area is a mix of law, conditions of carriage rules and 'norms' which leads to confusion and unnecessary arguments.

There is a legal case going up to the Supreme Court next year, which may clarify things a bit. It concerns buggies v wheelchair conflicts but the surrounding legal arguments about 'reasonable adjustments' and acceptable trade-offs between the needs of customers (with and without disabilities) is likely to inform further changes...

Flip

1 2 3 4