AIBU to think DD(5) gets priority over handbags for bus seats?

[iProcrastinate]

DD is 5, we had to get the bus this morning to do some errands (we don't drive) we got on at the terminal, and sat about halfway down the bus (single decker, a few rows behind the priority seats). The bus was quiet but soon started filling up a few stops into the route. By the time the 'incident' took place, all the pairs of seats had at least one occupant, but the majority were taken up by one person and a small bag. I had DD on one seat, me on the other and a few carrier bags at our feet.

Bus stops and two ladies get on, middle aged, I wouldn't say old, they walk past the priority seats to around where we were, looking for a vacant seat, talking to each other. They spot me and DD - and one says to the other, loudly, about children should be standing if the adults needed seats. They ignored the people who had handbags etc on the spare seat. I wasn't paying much attention, until one of them said to me directly that children shouldn't be sitting while adults were standing. I have raging PMT and said to her, politely, there were plenty of seats taken by small bags, could she please ask someone to move their bag, she scoffed and said that that was 'a bit different to children being on seats' and anyway, luggage couldn't be put in the aisle

I wasn't up for the debate so pulled DD onto my lap and shoehorned us both into the window seat with the shopping bags under my knees. She did a rather sarcastic thank you and sat down, her friend sitting behind as someone had moved their bag. They continued to talk about the rudeness of children on seats and children in general and 'slack' parents not teaching manners......

Don't get me wrong, even though DD now pays to take the bus, if the bus is busy and there are only a couple of seats free I do put her on my knee - I can't get her to stand on a moving bus as she has hypermobility and poor balance - walking to get off the bus when it's moving is a challenge on its own. But there were loads of free seats just with small handbags (not big hold alls or suitcases) on, surely a child has more entitlement to a seat than a bag? Was I in the wrong here?

YANBU. Rude, nasty cows! I'm actually feeling angry now on your behalf. Berating you for lack of manners as well. I have met lots of lovely people whilst commuting with 2 young children, who would more than happily give their seat on the tube to a tired toddler, even if they are not entitled to it. And then you get the occasional person who is just naturally nasty and intent on making others miserable. People who use seats for bags are just thoughtless or unobservant, it happens, but these women were properly nasty.

I have a disabled 15 year old who can't stand (same condition as the OP's child). Quite a few times he's been on the bus by himself and adults have told him to get out of his seat so they can sit down. I have to escort him to and from school just to make sure this doesn't happen. It's an absolute waste of my time and my money.

I would have refused too and if I had PMT quite possibly reminded them of their manners.

Public transport seems to bring out the unreasonableness pros! She sounds like a mean evil character from a childrens book who hates all children and turns out to be a witch

Sorry for lack of reply, hectic afternoon here!

Thanks for the replies, it was one of those situations where I left it half feeling like I had done something wrong (maybe weird throwback type thing from being told off by women my mother's age...... And a bit of hormonal pseudo-vulnerability) the buses around here are quite little, and I do often travel with DD on my knee (fortunately she is small for 5), it drives me mad too when people plonk their tiny handbag on the spare seat!

The only reason why I mentioned their age (vaguely) at all was to indicate that they were not frail or elderly, as if that was the case I would have been more proactive in making seat space for them without it needing asking for as I would have been more concerned about them standing on a moving bus than my own comfort.

You need to say that she's a disabled child and unable to stand. People are unreasonable and assume that she's OK. It annoys me when they do this too, or when each double seat is taken up by one person sitting by themself. My son leans on me when he's sitting as it helps him to keep his balance. He can't do this if he can't sit next to me, and people don't think to move.

I would not have moved my DD OP YADNBU! Horrible old woman, she was rude and children with their little legs are less likely to be able to balance effectively on a moving bus, it's just not safe IMHO. I would be more likely to stand up myself than get my children to stand as adults are much more capable and aware of the dangers of moving vehicles than small children. There is no good reason for a child to stand up for an adult, children are people too!

I should have said there is no good reason for a child to stand up for a healthy adult, of course if a seat was needed for a disabled person, elderly or pregnant that is different and I would do what I could without compromising the safety of my children.

I would've beat her shite in.

I give up my seat for small children. I can keep my balance, they can't. I don't know what goes through some people's heads sometimes.

It's mental this supposed bus etiquette! I've been in this position and similar a few times. I've moved my dds in the past. My favourite was when myself and both dds were sat on two seats side by side, my dd1 was squished up against the side and I was about falling off into the aisle. (my dds were 9 and 6 at the time so not small) woman gets on and wanders up to us and asks can I get my dd to stand so she can get a seat. I say no sorry were already squashed up and she proceeded to stand and whinge at her friend who was sat with two shopping bags on the seat next to her about us

in your position I'd def have left dd in her seat.

Would it be useful if buses and trains had prominent posters saying " seats are for passenger not bags"

Some one mentioned here a train driver on a crowded train putting an announcement through that the train wasn't moving until everyone whose bag was occupying a seat had moved them.

I've heard the driver make an announcement that the train is busy so all passengers must remove bags from seats or pay an extra fare for them.

A significant percentage of pension age white English act like they hate children/parents. On the other hand lots of them are lovely. With other ethnic backgrounds I don't see this big divergence.

"My bag is more important than you" syndrome however affects all ethnic origins, age, gender and class.

Agreed, although I think higher income groups are more guilty of it than others (at least what counts as higher income on a bus).

Humans should have seats, not handbags, regardless of the age of the person.

YANBU and if someone was speaking to me like that I would never move my DD....I live in London and I am fed up of older people being rude and entitled to speak to everyone else in demanding manor. And on top of everything so many times I don't even get thank you ...

Bag seat hoggers are so annoying. You have a lap for a reason and if not just put it on the damn floor, promise it won't hurt its feelings .

Yanbu although if I were you I really wouldn't have moved. "I have paid for DC to have this seat, she is a human being and worthy of the seat. They have not paid for their bags to have a seat, the bags can and should go on the floor/lap. Therefore tell somebody to move a bag from the seat otherwise deal with standing up." Seriously.

What's with people tutting and throwing you dirty looks when you ask them to budge up? The only 2 seats spare on Thursday were ones right on the back seat and there was a woman sitting right in the middle with 2 empty seats either side. Surely moving over isn't that hard?

And the woman who had stuck her bag on the seat I'd reserved on the train did it when I asked her to move it too! Why do they do this?

I am horrified that they had the cheek to act like that. You were too nice to move, and well within your rights to refuse.

They're obviously old school but that's no excuse. Even if you hadn't paid for a ticket for your DC, I would never dream of expecting a child to stand on a bus journey. Surely the adult stands to allow the child to be seated for safety?

And then to be so rude when you oblige them, wow. How you didn't swear blue bloody murder I do not know!

So no, YANBU.

I still remember going on the bus with my friend. She looks young and fit but uses sticks. She sat in a priority seat and placed both sticks behind her in the luggage rack. I stood next to her and we chatted. Next stop lady in her 60s got on and ordered my friend off the seat. My friend politely informed her she used sticks and was unable to stand on a moving bus. I think I pointed at them to dhow her. Old lady shouted her saying sticks were someone else's and she was being lazy. Friend ended up in tears. Man at back of bus called lady over offering her his seat. She was heard muttering about rude teenagers by us. My friend sat very red and we got off a couple of stops later. That lady must have seen my friend leave using the sticks but we never looked as being teenagers we didn't have the confidence. I think this incident was the last time my friend used sticks and started using her wheelchair when out. Very sad that one incident destroyed her confidence. I really wish looking back I'd said something but being a shy teenager I didn't just pointed at the sticks...

Op you were not being unreasonable. People should have seats not bags. You just meet a very unreasonable lady.

OP I don't think you were ageist. Some later posters were.

I would have beat her shite in
Classy.