Who is right? Child seeing animal die.

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

Interesting one maybe? This came up today and I'm not sure if my immediate reaction was correct.

DH and 2 year old DS were outside. We live on a farm and I can see the stock yard from the house.
Every morning DS goes with DH to help feed etc.

This morning they'd been out an hour or so and come back into the yard. Suddenly I heard a gunshot. I looked out and DH had shot a sick (dying) calf. DS was watching.

When they came in I said that I didn't think it had been appropriate for DS to watch the calf being shot and could he not do it again.
DH said that he disagreed, it's better for DS to learn about this kind of thing from an early age, rather than be sheltered until he's 10 and then get a shock.
I can see his point, but wondered what others thought?

I still don't know what I think. DS was spectacularly un-bothered btw.

Your DH is right I think, I grew up on the farm I still work on and would see this all the time and I think it helped with my resilience but also my understanding of life in general. Better lessons learned young I think. Also your DS is not likely to be as squeamish as townie kids. Farm kids like us are as tough as old boots.

3stripesandout, agree with you completely but then again, I grew up around guns and was taught the dangers and how to respect them from a very young age. I was 6 when I first went to the shooting range with my father and 8 when I took my first shot. I was never told (even to this day) where the gun safe was and I certainly wasn't allowed to know the pin code for it!

I never understand the blanket "guns are bad and noone should ever use/enjoy using them" cry.

They are dangerous IN THE WRONG HANDS. Just like knives and scissors and baseball bats etc.

I love shooting and I am very careful about gun safety.

I agree with you. Of course your ds needs to understand what is involved in farm life. However, the killing of an animal requires a conversation and a level of understanding that I'm not sure a 2 year old would be able to comprehend. I also think your DH should have talked to you about when to involve your son in that aspect of his job before he acted. You feel differently and you both have sound reasons to feel the way you do. (I don't think your DH was 'wrong' or his actions harmful, I just agree with your pov.) But it should be a decision taken by the two of you.

A farmer once said to me (we were standing outside a stable containing a dead horse at the time, and his small grandchildren were running round the yard playing) - "If you have livestock, you will have dead stock. You can't go being all sentimental - they need to learn sometime"

Also some of the attitudes to guns on here are mind boggling.

People fear what they don't understand. :)

My grandparents owned a dairy farm, and we had the rare calf that died as well. I never watched them get killed, my uncles would take care of it at night and we would just see the bodies in the morning sometimes before they got hauled off. We never watched them give birth either, baby calves were just there the next morning for us to cuddle and play with. It was just one of those things, sometimes calves die.

Showing your 2 year old death early won't really change if he's sensitive about it or not. It might normalize it for him, it might distress him as he gets older. You do need to let him know though that it is a fact of life though and help him deal with any feelings he might have.

It is good to know where your food comes from though. Even though contrary to the beliefs of vegans, seeing slaughter houses doesn't make the animal taste any less delicious. I will agree they need more humane conditions though.

I agree we should know where food comes from.
I agree that children should understand life and death, and if they want, see dead animals if they happen to be around (road kill etc)

But I still don't understand how shooting an animal in front of a 2 year old benefits them.

If a chicken needs to be killed I wouldn't send my dc's out to watch, until they're old enough to exercise choice in that.
They know it happens at times though.

I am still also concerned at some gun use I have seen by farmers and the lack of safety consideration.

Any examples thatbloodywoman ?

I had a well loved dog put to sleep this year, I arrange need for ds to be at school while we did it as I did not want my boy to see me fall to pieces, but he did help bury her, the neighbourhood kids came in and had a goo d look and poke at my dead pet, they dealt with it better than the adults!

Sorry, been off line Mrsmorton.

Yes, got a lift with a farmer acquaintance and he stopped off on the way, grabbed the shotgun leaning against the seat, jumped out, fired off a shot to scare the crows, and leapt back in the pick up again.All beside a quite busy road, with public footpaths around.

Walking through the woods next to my house one day, and heard a shotgun being discharged close by.Had to shout out to announce my presence...

Been showered with the shot in the garden more than once when the shoot are out.....

And more....

I think telling a 2 year old the calf was poorly so had to be shoot dead is very wrong thing to say to a child.

He would be scared of illness, because of the connection between illness in animals and death.

I don't see anything wrong with a child, raised in a farming environment, knowing that this is how you deal with an animal who will not survive. There are issues around the animal suffering along with the practical issues that come from it being a business. I can't say I'd have no problem with him actually witnessing it but I don't think I'd be massively perturbed. I'd be more upset about it if it were an older child who had no clue though.

Piper what do you say to a child about an ill animal then? They don't have "-animal hospitals " old people homes etc etc.

Animals in the wild ( that includes your garden/ park. /any green space) die from being eaten alive, dying slowly from disease/ starving or dehydrating because they are old.

If you tell your child anything different you are lier.

It depends how you tell them about the illness. We told our DDs that our cat wasn't going to get better and that he would die anyway, not just that he was ill. We also explained that people were not put to sleep (we'll leave that can of worms for another day!) and that it was easier to make people better. They're not afraid of being ill at all.

With dh too op sorry. if your son bought up on a farm he must already at 2 know about birth and death.

Hello!
Quite relieved at these replies, thought I was going to be majorly flamed :)
I didn't really mind as such, more felt like I should mind iyswim.

The more I think about it the more I agree with DH that its better he just gets used to this side of farming rather than have a shock later on.

To clarify, DS was in the tractor cab, calf was in the front loader, DH standing to side. No danger from gun to DS - DH certainly wasn't firing off random rounds skipping from foot to foot shouting yeehaa :D
It was also a rifle, not a shotgun, so no stray shot.

Tbh it never occured to me to be bothered about the fact that it was a gun. They're a part of life here. But DS should grow up understanding that they are deadly weapons, designed to kill, and not to be touched. In fact, he doesn't even know where the cabinet is.

As far as an explanation goes, I don't know how to so I haven't....he doesn't seem bothered at all though. He is not a very good talker so hard to know what he thinks.
We walked past the dead calf later on before the lorry had been to get her. DS pointed to it and said 'no' and shook his head (like he does when he sees an empty box of something - a cheery, matter of fact statement rather than a complaint).
I said 'yes, poor calf' and we said goodbye and waved, then he went off on his bike and hasn't mentioned it again.

I don't want to say 'its because she was ill' as he'll be scared of getting ill, or 'she's not hurting any more' in case he thinks the gun is like super calpol or something. But I'm probably over thinking it. He seems happy enough now - I don't think he would understand a detailed explanation anyway.

Thanks for all the replies :)

I'd save the detailed explanation for when he has the language to grasp it and ask questions. In your environment it will happen naturally anyway. My dc understand that we are lucky to be able to prevent suffering in animals and have for a long time. I don't remember a direct conversation but they've all questioned why euthanasia is not available to people off their own backs because they've seen animals prevented from suffering and seen people go through immense suffering with little relief. It's quite interesting getting the child eye view on things like that.