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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people take marriage lightly nowadays?

125 replies

amotherfuckingquiche · 05/09/2014 23:23

When I was young(er), if you got married, you stayed married (pretty much). I see so many divorces now and people seem to treat marriage so lightly, "let's give it a go, if it doesn't work out then we can always get divorced...". I'm not suggesting that you stay with someone who cheats one you constantly or abuses you, please don't mistake me. I just think that it's sad.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 06/09/2014 00:02

oh we had Viva Las Vegas, Burning Love and I can't help Falling In Love With You

I had to promise not to step on his blue suede shoes as well Grin

It was a brilliant day and I was very much in love - happy days Grin

gordyslovesheep · 06/09/2014 00:03

oh he also told me I was more lovely than Priscilla and pinched my bum! anyone else would have got a slap in the chops!

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2014 00:06

People got married for the luuurvve in the olden days.

And so they could give in to their sexual urges without fear of getting pregnant out of wedlock!

At least that's how it was for a lot of my aunts/uncles/cousins.

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2014 00:07

gordy!! Grin

He looks suspiciously like a guy who works in my local chip shop Shock Blush

HauntedNoddyCar · 06/09/2014 00:07

Oh lovely :) Can't Help was always one of my favourites. That summer he died and they showed all the films was formative!

HauntedNoddyCar · 06/09/2014 00:08

Worra :)

usualsuspectagain · 06/09/2014 00:10

Now they get married for half the house

gordyslovesheep · 06/09/2014 00:12

haha Worra

or they got married because of their sexual urges and babies ...

My very fave Elvis track is Latest Flame ...he didn't sing that though

HauntedNoddyCar · 06/09/2014 00:12

Oh Worra that was to the chip shop. My granny's little sister had a disgraced marriage. No new clothes. No pictures. Then sent away to live!

HauntedNoddyCar · 06/09/2014 00:19

Ooh. Am watching the re-re-repeat of the programme about my beloved Tom Jones and there's the pictures of him and EP.

That's my evening brought nicely to an end :)

gordyslovesheep · 06/09/2014 00:20
Grin
SaucyJack · 06/09/2014 00:26

I'm ignoring the OP.

We need a wedding photos thread. You look great gordy.

BadabingBadaboom · 06/09/2014 00:27

I pretty much got married knowing we would divorce. Doesn't put me up not down what people think these days. It was people's opinions that made go through with it in the first place.

There may have been less divorce years ago but I'd place money on their being a hell of a lot of people going through life in a miserable marriage. That IMHO is the sad part.

DoJo · 06/09/2014 02:16

YABU.

MrsMook · 06/09/2014 05:56

People can expect to live much longer these days. 50 years until death does us part is a much bigger commitment than a likely premature demise by childbirth, industrial accident, cholera, TB, septic wound... Someone divorcing after 10 or 20 years now may well have been widowed by that point in the past.

Any statistics about lengths of marriage 100, 150 years ago? There was also a divorce boom just after WW2. 200 years ago, marriage was a financial arrangement rather than about love. Modern views about marriage in the past are rather rose tinted.

Also modern choices and freedomdo place more pressure on marriage. Women conditioned to stay at home and raise children while men earned the household income may not have been a happier arrangement, but it produced a stable arrangement for marriage. The pressure of two people tired from working, resentment of one is pushed into a frustrating role, and adjustment to a different balance of power can also put strain on the longevity of a marriage.

There might be more romantic expectations today, but I'm happy to have entered marriage of my own free will, to someone I love and live well with, and with the freedom avaliable to end that marriage shouldit become intolerable.

Mouthfulofquiz · 06/09/2014 06:29

I don't think I worded my post quote right... I do understand that marriage is a partnership and your own personal happiness really ends up being put aside in search of combined happiness. But I do believe that people make mistakes - and if that shared happiness is not achievable then why waste your life being miserable?
I'm married, and I stay married because I love my husband and our family unit. Your marriage is only as good as each day I reckon - and that's why I try to be kind and loving and all the other things that make a partnership tick over, every day. It's no good saying you WERE happy ten years ago. Just my opinion.

Not sure if god came to my wedding, it was in the reg office, followed by the booziest afternoon of all time....

NoArmaniNoPunani · 06/09/2014 06:38

Rubbish, my parents got married just so they could move in together.

Marriage for life was easier in the past when life expectancy was lower.

fcukip · 06/09/2014 07:02

I don't think it matters, really, in the scheme of things. Its just life.

Not married yet but when I do will go in with an open mind.

poolomoomon · 06/09/2014 07:06

Most of my points have been said. People lived a lot shorter lives so therefore 'life' only meant 30-40 years if they were lucky. If you get married in your twenties now that could possibly be 60-70 years of marriage! That's a huge amount of time to be with someone... Kind of depressing actually Grin. Also back then most got married so they could have sex or to cover up an 'illegitimate' pregnancy or to prove a point and then divorcing was so taboo a lot of affairs happened behind closed doors and women/men forced to stay in miserable possibly even abusive marriages.

Yabu is what I'm getting at here. I'm glad we've moved on from that. Marriage should be a choice, not a necessity.

should · 06/09/2014 07:16

I think you're completely wrong, fwiw.

I bet there were just as many, if not more extremely unhappy marriages 50 years ago. The difference is that then you were just stuck. Fucking miserable for 40 years, god can you imagine?

The happy situation now is that if you make a mistake or become unhappy you are not expected to stay unhappy.

Far better all round.

WftsC · 06/09/2014 07:20

I have actually never heard anyone say or imply this, OP.

In fact, because there is less pressure to marry, people seem to make commitment out of choice rather than expectation, and therefore want to make a lifelong commitment.

Other things - having a baby, etc - and you may have a point. With marriage, people didn't historically 'work harder' or 'take it more seriously'. They just put up with more out of fear of judgement.

should · 06/09/2014 07:22

It also takes two people to want a marriage to work.

If your partner leaves you there's absolutely fuck all you can do about it, "married in the sight of god" or not!

AnguaResurgam · 06/09/2014 07:40

"Not so long ago, marriage was (and in my book still is) a covenant between two people and God."

Wonders idly where OP is, because marriage became a matter of law (and ownership of property) in Britain since mediaeval times.

And of course, globally, has never been unique People of the Book.

should · 06/09/2014 07:53

Presumably if the OP think God has to be involved somewhere along the way, then it's only religious people who should stay together?

If getting married in a civil service doesn't cut it, presumably it's also fine if that marriage doesn't last, as it wasn't proper to begin with?!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/09/2014 07:55

Yes, much better for people to stay in a miserable marriage OP. Hmm

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