Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Over protective mother?

47 replies

Monstermonkeymum · 05/09/2014 21:10

We are due to go to a Wedding in three weeks. It would start at 3pm and although we could leave at the end, as it is 2 hrs plus from our house and all dp's friends and partners have freed themselves of babies and are booked into the same hotel, he would like to stay in the hotel with them all.

However, we have a six month old, entirely bf ds to consider who has never been away from his mother and doesn't really know either sets of grandparents due to distance. There are a couple of possible scenarios but dp feels I am being over protective and a little unreasonable for my choice. Two I would prefer to discount are for me not to go to the wedding or for us to take our baby, who will be the only one, and leave and drive back meaning dp will miss seeing his friends. So we need to arrange a babysitter essentially. This is what I would like, so we can both go and stay but means leaving ds on his own for the first time from 11am on the Sat until a similar time the following morning, which feels like a long time to me and has me worried and quite anxious.

This is the problem. I would like my parents to come and stay at ours. Ds is awful when away and his sleep is terrible in his travel cot, as well as being rubbish at taking bottles or expressed milk, so this would keep familiar surroundings and routines at least. Dp wants ds to stay with his parents which would involve driving 3hrs to drop ds off before an hour drive to the wedding and the same back, unfamiliar surroundings, travel cot etc. Ds doesn't know either set of grandparents much so no difference here.

I am nervous myself about leaving him and know this is part of the problem. But I also firstly and most importantly want to minimise impact on ds. Dp thinks I am being unreasonable and over protective and ds would be fine with his mother, who he wants to have time with ds. I think ds will just be more difficult in unfamiliar surroundings. It is not about which grandparents for me, and would happily have his stay at our house if closer. But this has caused real conflict now and I am unsure if I am being too overprotective. It is getting to the point where i will just not go to the wedding. Am i being unreasonable? Apologies for long post.

OP posts:

pictish · 05/09/2014 21:14

Yab a bit u.
Your mil has done it all before, and I'm sure your wee son will be fine at her place.
I think to insist that the babysitter travel to stay at yours would be precious.
Sorry...I'm totally with your h. x

pictish · 05/09/2014 21:15

I say you're being 'a bit' u because I can understand why you feel as you do.

However...three kids in, and I can assure you, you will look back this and wonder what the hell the big dilemma was. x

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 21:16

Why not suggest his parents come to your house if they are that desperate to look after him?! If they don't want to or can't, then ask yours. But tell yours why you have asked his first.

Tell DH that it is the first time you are potentially leaving DS and you need to be happy with the arrangements or it's not happening. A lot of Mum's wont leave their children until they are much older so he needs to appreciate the effort you are making and not complain about you wanting certain things in place.

If it was me, I'd take the baby and a babysitter because I would have a better time. No problem with anyone leaving the baby if they are happy to do so, but if they aren't they certainly shouldn't be made to feel bad for it!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/09/2014 21:16

Couldnt you take DS, stay at the Hotel and you and DS go off to bed at 10/11 ish leaving DH to finish the night off woth friends? Travel cots are crap to sleep in - add in an extra thick blanket layer under the bottom sheet and it will help him sleep better.

PatriciaHolm · 05/09/2014 21:17

Are you parents happy to stay at yours? If genuinely so, then TBH that sounds the best plan. A 3 hour drive with a 6 month old won't be a lot of fun for a start, it will be much easier not to lug everything and it won't be quite as much of a shock to him. He'll cope fine, I'm sure, but your plan does seem much simpler for him and you IF your parents are really happy to come.

Hassled · 05/09/2014 21:20

You're over-thinking this because at the root of it is the fact you don't want to be away from your baby. And that's absolutely fair enough - he's only 6 months old. I wouldn't have wanted to at that age with any of mine. So just don't go - it sounds like they're your DP's friends rather than yours.

I don't understand though, why you can't go with baby, book into the hotel with a travel cot, do as much of the wedding as you can get away with and then retire gracefully to hotel room with baby?

TryDrawing · 05/09/2014 21:22

Yanbu. No way I would have left dd for so long at that age. I know others do, and that is right for them but I was nowhere near ready, so it wouldn't have been right for me. If dh had put any pressure on me to do so, I would have told him what a complete arse he was being.

You do these things in your own time, not at someone else's convenience.

Original poster

Monstermonkeymum · 05/09/2014 21:23

Thanks for replies. My parents live close so its not very far, whilst it means driving three hours to his. It would be unreasonable for his parents to come here. I know ds would prob be fine but he's a bad sleeper anyway and would have to have bottles for 24 hrs which I am worried could lead to a really unhappy baby! I know, I am probably being an idiot but I think I have got myself into a pickle worrying and knowing ds was in his normal surroundings would help on all counts. Oh, I just don't know!

OP posts:

TryingNotToLaugh · 05/09/2014 21:24

Can you book mil in at the same hotel, then you're on hand for feeds etc, but baby gets to keep his routine. Treat mil to a spa treatment/lunch or something the next day to say thanks.

She'll definitely cope and next time, you might feel happier leaving him at hers.

I went to a wedding when dd was 10 months and did exactly this for all the same reasons. Turned out all was fine. Dm and df had a great time with dd and enjoyed their stay in a hotel. I was able to feed, and dance the night away, and feel like I was nearby if needed.

The next time, I flew to Prague for 3 days and left dd at dm's!

Whyisitsodifficult · 05/09/2014 21:24

He is only 6 months old so of course you'll be nervous about leaving him! So do what makes you feel the most comfortable. If you want to take him with you then take him. If you want your parents at your house then do that. I think your partner needs to have a but more understanding of how hard it is for a mum especially a breast feeding one to leave their baby for the first time. Do what feels right for you otherwise you won't enjoy yourself if coerced into a decision that isn't right for you. For what it's worth I never left any of mine over night whilst breast feeding so understand why you don't want to. Good luck!

Hassled · 05/09/2014 21:24

It would be madness to throw an unnecessary 3 hour drive into the whole stressful event. Just send your DP on his own.

Original poster

Monstermonkeymum · 05/09/2014 21:26

We could take ds I suppose, but he would be the only baby and I would have to check it is okay as not explicitly mentioned and we were assuming it was child free. Evn if we take him though, I would need to leave at 6/7pm to sort his bedtime so would hardly be there. But I would be happy to doso.

OP posts:

rallytog1 · 05/09/2014 21:26

I don't understand why you can't just take the baby and stay over at the hotel with him. Am I missing something, as surely that would be the easiest thing all round?

LetTheRiverAnswer · 05/09/2014 21:27

I'm 3 kids in and I still wouldn't be happy leaving them for anything longer than a couple of hours when they're small (less than a year-ish). Not saying its wrong to do so, but I personally couldn't, so I would say YANBU. Taking a pre-crawling, breastfed baby to a wedding is quite different to taking a crawling or toddling baby that eats in a revoltingly messy fashion, so in your situation I'd have taken the baby with me and just accepted that I might have to bob in and out a bit if they start to cry or fuss. If your happy busing a sling, that would minimise fuss too.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/09/2014 21:28

If he is a bad sleeper anyways, cant you take his buggy for the evening part? He may handle the party better than you envisage and eventually conk out in the buggy in a quieter corner?

Ilovenicesoap · 05/09/2014 21:29

I wouldnt want to leave an EBF baby at all!
Is there a reason you cant take the baby to the wedding?

Original poster

Monstermonkeymum · 05/09/2014 21:29

It just feels a lot to take ds so far, when he can stay home, but dp is adamant I am being silly. Im sure ds would be fine, but not sure I would enjoy any of it worrying. I wouldn't feel this way if just the evening but it seems worse as it is overnight.

OP posts:

marmitelover · 05/09/2014 21:30

I used to take grandparents with us when we went to weddings when DS was small (yes, we're very lucky to have lovely gps!!). We would pay for their room of course and they would hang out with baby, I would dash over to feed then they would be with him once he was asleep for the evening. I was incredibly precious about leaving him (not so much 2nd time round ...) and weddings were in nice enough places for them to enjoy a break away. Or, we would keep DS with us and he'd conk out in his buggy, and we'd get a taxi with him c midnight.

Original poster

Monstermonkeymum · 05/09/2014 21:33

I think the last few posts are right - I will check out taking ds with me. It would certainly solve the problem. I think we had discounted it as all the others going, and they are a very large close knit bunch of old friends, have freed themselves of babies so they can have a rather drunken evening at one of the last weddings in the friendship group. But as we would leave early it wouldn't bother us - apart from dp'salcohol breath when he rolls in!

OP posts:

parakeet · 05/09/2014 21:33

I think it is unreasonable on your baby to expect him to switch from never being apart from his mum to going 24 hours without her, when as you say he doesn't know his gps that well.

Mine would not have been happy about this at all.

ImogenQuy · 05/09/2014 21:34

If I were that anxious, I just wouldn't go (for what it's worth I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving EBF DS overnight when he was six months old).

I agree that the second best thing would be to take him to the wedding. It's a faff for you but it will actually be easier on your DS than leaving him behind - familiar surroundings are less important than familiar people at that age.

pictish · 05/09/2014 21:34

I missed the bit about him being ebf. Yes...take him with you. x

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2014 21:36

I think he should stay in his own home.

He will already be a bit unsettled without his parents. He will have to take a bottle which he isn't used to. Why create a third disruption? Not to mention the long drive there and back.

Your DH can get over himself. It's about what's best for the baby, not a competition between GPS/

redskybynight · 05/09/2014 21:38

Is the wedding in a vaguely interesting place? Would your parent or in-laws come to the hotel with you, take the baby out for the day and you can then have him in your room overnight (obviously pay for their room). Or if they didn't mind hanging round close to the total you can even pop and feed him every so often.

Original poster

Monstermonkeymum · 05/09/2014 21:42

I will look into taking the little monkey Thanks all for practical advice. I worry just thinking about leaving ds for so long! To be honest, it might be easier not to go...aaagh.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2