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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if people have identified themselves on mn?

51 replies

kormasutra · 05/09/2014 15:54

Hi, I've recently nc as my previous mn name had negative connotations for me ( think losing school appeal! ) but have only been on mn since the beginning of the year.

Anyway, sometimes when lurking in AIBU? Some posters go into great detail and I've often wondered has anybody read something and knew it was them being spoken about by obvious identify details?

The amount of people I've spoken to recently who've told me that they're also on mn has made me wonder, that's all.

This is a genuine question, I still feel like a newbie so don't go too hard on me!
Also, how on earth do you do the whole "putting the line through words thingy" completely off subject but I'd love to know.

OP posts:
beccajoh · 05/09/2014 15:56

Line through is word taking out the spaces. word

Gruntfuttock · 05/09/2014 16:03

It tells you underneath the box in which you type your post - where it says
Emphasis

AlpacaLypse · 05/09/2014 16:15

And yes, occasionally people have exposed so much information about something very odd in their lives that they've been 'outed'.

I namechanged after linking a local news story to my OP about a teacher. A couple of people pmed to say they'd worked out who I was, what with the gob smack level of the story and my rather unusual job and memorable family situation.

I've now learned to nc before posting anything very personal.

ArabellaTarantella · 05/09/2014 16:16

I doubt even if I said my real name anyone would know me in real life!

confusedandemployed · 05/09/2014 16:28

I recognised, by their user name someone I know on a different forum. It was quite shocking as they gave really personal information about their fertility and more or less confirmed it was them when they gave away their location.

Oakmaiden · 05/09/2014 16:40

Some people on here know who I am in real life. I am not a master of disguise, have had the same nickname since I joined about 13 years ago, regularly overshare, and use my nickname as part of my email address, on other forums and as tags in games. So, yeah - if you know me, you may well recognise me. Which means I am very careful not to share things I don't want people to know and to not bitch about the people I care about.

That said, nobody has ever said "oh, are you Oakmaiden on MN?" although my sister did spot who I was on a thread I had referred her to.

cherrybombxo · 05/09/2014 16:40

I've recognised a couple of people who use the same username in different forums. I'm considering a NC though because I only really set up this account to lurk and occasionally chip in on AIBU but I've recently posted a couple of personal anecdotes and I've used this username elsewhere too...

Itsjustmeagain · 05/09/2014 16:57

I dont think I have but I have been posting here since about 2008 with various usernames. I like changing every now and again.

chesterberry · 05/09/2014 17:03

I have never recognised anything about myself on here. I don't think that any of my friends are mumsnetters as few are parents yet although some of my work colleagues may be.

I have recognised a sister of a close friend when they posted about an identifying family situation which my friend had spoken to me about. The situation posted about seemed too similar to my friend's situation to be someone else and subsequent posts gave more details which confirmed it was the sister.

They were looking at the situation from a different angle to my friend and they had different opinions so whilst there was nothing about me some of their post did portray my friend (her brother) in a less-than-positive light. My friend's side of the story was very different and there were parts of the story she was omitting from her post. I did feel sort of tempted to show my friend but I felt that would have been unfair, it made me see the way he was seeing the situation was probably equally biased and also that it was nothing to do with him. So I haven't outed his sister to him (and never would) but as she is a regular poster I do come across her threads and posts and it always feels a bit odd reading the things she writes (which are often quite personal) now I know who she is.

OnlyLovers · 05/09/2014 17:06

SLIGHTLY off-topic, but if someone could answer a stupid question: does name-changing actually work?

I mean when someone says 'I've name-changed for this as it could out me'. If someone they know reads the post and can identify the poster by the details of the story, does it make any difference what their username is?

HallowedVera · 05/09/2014 17:08

Onlylovers I think people me do this so that even if that particular post outs the OP, it's not possible to do a search on their username and see any of their older posts and dig up more dirt.

lordnoobson · 05/09/2014 17:09

yup loads

greyhoundgymnastics · 05/09/2014 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnlyLovers · 05/09/2014 17:16

Ah, I see. So it'd work if you thought someone was the person you knew but weren't completely sure, but if you were 100% sure you'd identified them it wouldn't be all that much help ...

daisychain01 · 05/09/2014 17:25

For the first time since being on MN, last night I really wanted to do an AIBU to get some of the wisdom of MNers to help me work through the problem. I knew that I couldn't without 'outing' myself. I absolutely knew the circumstances were so unique and so current, and I wasn't certain whether the person concerned uses MN, so I couldn't take that risk

In other words, it would not have mattered what my username was, if I outlined the scenario and why I was massively upset last night, it would have outed me big-time and would have caused bad feeling, of the type I would never have been able to un-do.

I resolved the matter, but I had a sleepless night being upset and hurt.

But I could have got a right flaming and told "what-for", so maybe it was for the best in my delicate emotional state Smile mostly inside my stupid head

Girlwhowearsglasses · 05/09/2014 17:25

It's a cumulative thing isn't it - you might post in detail on a family situation not giving too much away, but of someon searches your nickname on google and sees a previous pair saying how many kids you have, and another saying what town you live in, it only takes a couple of jigsaw pieces to narrow down the odds. Posting a really personal aibu I NC because of this -

chesterberry · 05/09/2014 17:26

I think generally people name-change before posting a very identifiable post not because they're worried about people recognising them and knowing it's them with regards to the identifying post, but because they don't want people who recognise them to then have access to all of their previous and future mumsnet posts. If you search someone's username you can find anything they've ever posted. So even if someone 100% recognised your post following a name-change it would work to stop them then searching your previous posts and finding out anything else about you.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 05/09/2014 17:26

Post not 'pair'

monkeyfacegrace · 05/09/2014 17:30

My sisters know my username. Don't think anybody else does, but I've never NCd in all my years here.

I do have the same eBay user name though. I picked something up that I'd bought once, and the lady said, 'oooh, are you the MFG from MN?'.

BAD FORM, lady, bad form Grin

daisychain01 · 05/09/2014 17:34

I agree, Chesterberry, I have seen recently where people drag into a present post the posting history of the person, which seems harsh on one hand, but builds a realistic picture - especially if the person's situation is a carry-over from a previous thread.

In fact, sometimes the OP invites people to check out "my thread which talks about xyz" rather than re-running the whole complicated scenario.

I personally find it quite threatening to have all that detail about me stored on the internet, but I sympathise an awful lot when people are so desperate they have nowhere else to turn - and also they take leave of their senses and overshare, because they forget it's t'internet.

Very sad when someone doesn't have a RL buddy to talk to. Makes me Sad

Original poster
kormasutra · 05/09/2014 17:56

test

OP posts:
Original poster
kormasutra · 05/09/2014 18:01

Yay it worked, thanks:)

Interesting to see the responses.

I've had a few things too in the past that I've wanted to post but felt that I could be giving too much away.
I suppose though if you want an honest response from people you need to be honest in your op.
My life isn't that exciting that I'm worried about being "outed" but if you're bringing other people into the post then it's good to be cautious.
Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
MardyBra · 05/09/2014 18:06

I think there are 3 types of user really.

  1. Stick with the same user name and don't worry if they give away identifying details.
  1. Mostly stick with the same user name and namechange for identifiable or embarrassing threads.
  1. Namechange all the time because they don't want to be recognised.

I tend to run with B. I have another lesser-used nn which I use for threads which will out my location/job etc.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/09/2014 18:11

Yeah I mostly stick with the same user name and I don't care if anyone identifies me to be honest. I sometimes post the same funny situation/story on here and on FB and I'm sure if I have friends on here they'd know it was me if they read the thread.

If I had anything embarrassing or really personal I'd name change.

daisychain01 · 05/09/2014 18:11

MardyBra Although it may 'dilute' the effect, if you have a couple of usernames, can't someone just do a search on the secondary username and still build a picture over time?

I think there may be a 4th category (or a sub-category of 1):

Stick with the same user name because they don't give anything away that could positively identify them.

^ me

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