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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this rude, as a wedding guest?

42 replies

kinkymouse · 04/09/2014 22:07

Wedding guests on Saturday for good friends, the invite was given and accepted four or so months ago. There is a day ceremony then a couple of hours until evening at a different venue but all within 5 miles or do. Invitation is just for us and not our teenage DCs.

We have this week been invited to our nieces birthday tea also on Saturday. We declined but PIL offered to take teenage DCs with them and to stay the night. Great.

DH has tonight said that between the wedding day and evening we should go to dn party, she's 9, twenty miles away and it doesn't really matter about going to the evening or we could "pop in" on our way home.

I just think this is so rude, DH says I'm being ridiculous and no one would care.

He is sulking.

OP posts:
MiddleEarthBarbie · 04/09/2014 22:09

I don't see the problem? You've got hours to spare.

emsyj · 04/09/2014 22:09

That is really rude IMO.

MrsBungle · 04/09/2014 22:11

I think that's very rude personally.

Original poster
kinkymouse · 04/09/2014 22:12

DH family birthday tea for a 9 year old would mean at least nine maybe ten before we left.

It would be just a pop in after the 20 mile drive home.

OP posts:
TryingNotToLaugh · 04/09/2014 22:13

Your dh is bonkers. Who wants to travel 20 miles each way to a kids birthday party dressed in wedding outfits?

Let him go if he wants to and you stay at the wedding. Make sure he leaves you his glass of bubbly too.

Have assumed your niece is a child - but even if she's not - he's still nuts.

Littleturkish · 04/09/2014 22:13

Really rude. I would be so upset to have this done to me.

TryingNotToLaugh · 04/09/2014 22:13

just seen she's 9. Crazy - leave him to it!

fluffymouse · 04/09/2014 22:14

If you have RSVPed as attending it is very rude not to turn up or be late. Since you would be going 20 miles each way you would be very late as a minimum

SanityClause · 04/09/2014 22:14

If you can do both, fine, but not going to the evening do, after you had accepted would be rude, I agree.

CromerSutra · 04/09/2014 22:15

That sounds a bit rude to me. The first arrangement sounds so much more sensible.

Original poster
kinkymouse · 04/09/2014 22:17

tryingnottolaugh that is a plan that I hadn't thought of.

I might suggest he goes alone while I'm dancing, bubbly in hand, to dancing queen.

OP posts:
EllaFitzgerald · 04/09/2014 22:18

I think it wouldn't be a problem if you didn't rush off early and you got back in plenty of time for the evening reception, but turning up late, just popping in or not going at all would be very rude indeed.

BackforGood · 04/09/2014 22:18

See - if it were just a 'tea' then it would seem ideal to pop there for an hour in that time you have to kill, but the fact you say you wouldn't then leave the "tea" until 9 or 10 puts it into the "no" category for me.

You've accepted the other invitation, and the way his family do "tea" means you can't do both, so You would be very rude to do as dh suggests, yes.

Mrsgrumble · 04/09/2014 22:20

Personally I would want to relax and enjoy the wedding, get the second venue early and relax with wine and mingle with guests. Not dash around to another party. No thanks.

Yambabe · 04/09/2014 22:21

Depends on the start/finish time of the wedding bits and how many "a few" hours is, surely?

If the ceremony is done by say 4 you would have plenty of time to drop by to DN party, stay a couple of hours and then be back for the evening do for 7.30-8ish. I would probably be happy to do that.

If the ceremony finishes later or the evening do starts earlier then maybe not

My main stipulation would be he wants to both then he does the 20-mile drive so I can have a drink......

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 04/09/2014 22:21

Why does he want to do that?

Doesn't he want to spend the evening drinking wine, dancing with you and then having the house to yourselves?

^^That would upset me.

That aside, yes, it would be very rude.

hmc · 04/09/2014 22:22

It's rude, you are right, he is wrong.

Original poster
kinkymouse · 04/09/2014 22:24

Yes mrsgrumble I've been really looking forward to the day and DHs suggestion just feels like a rushed affair.

OP posts:
TheGirlWhoPlayedWithFire · 04/09/2014 22:25

A wedding sans kids and your DH wants to go to a kids party mid-way through?

Seems daft.

Its a 9 year old party, I doubt the birthday girl will be concerned with the presence of aunts and uncles as long as she has friends. Your DH is being sweet but unrealistic about the day.

YANBU.

MrsWinnibago · 04/09/2014 22:25

YANBU it's rude. If you were my guests I'd be hurt.

QuintessentiallyQS · 04/09/2014 22:28

Why is a 9th birthday party celebrated till around 9-10 pm?

Is it really a piss up? Hmm

Original poster
kinkymouse · 04/09/2014 22:29

DN would maybe of been disappointed if her cousins weren't going. I don't think she will notice if us two codgers don't turn up.

OP posts:
MyFirstName · 04/09/2014 22:31

The birthday girl will love having her cousins and grandparents there. Her aunt and uncle? Nice but in the grand scheme of her day? Meh.

Enjoy the wedding. Your DH is being a numpty.

Ask him the last time his DN spent more than 10 minutes just talking to him....yep....thought so.....am guessing if anything like our family the cousins all feck off together and the adults all get pissed drink tea for hours and then finally round up DCs.

Original poster
kinkymouse · 04/09/2014 22:33

quintessentially it has always been the way with family nights. this isn't a party with school friends I have in the past been scorned upon for leaving a party at 8pm with a baby.

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyQS · 04/09/2014 22:40

But, alas you have a prior engagement, popping into a wedding when you have rsvpd would be very rude.

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