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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not a bed and breakfast

27 replies

saltnpepa · 04/09/2014 21:09

I have a young single aunt who wants to come to visit in a couple of weeks. She is visiting a friend nearby and will arrive at 9.00pm and will go at 10.00am the following day. I haven't seen this aunt in nearly 10 years, we just lost contact although she is a lovely person. I have 3 young kids, youngest a 6 month old baby and the idea of anyone turning up at 9.00pm makes me feel exhausted. I also feel like she's not really coming to see us and spend time with the kids but is perhaps looking for a bed for the night to make meeting her friend the day after a bit easier. I know she is flakey and I imagine she'll arrive late too, she says she can't come earlier cos already has plans. Seriously who visits anyone at 9.00pm? and then goes at 10.00am.

OP posts:
Lee32 · 04/09/2014 21:14

Someone who is looking for a free bed for the night. In ten years, she couldn't find time to visit you? YANBU, you're being used. Can you develop urgent plans to be elsewhere that night?

Purpleroxy · 04/09/2014 21:15

User. Don't allow it.

Loletta · 04/09/2014 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
saltnpepa · 04/09/2014 21:19

She said her plans had fallen through for that night and she realised I lived nearby the friend who she is seeing for lunch the following day. Thing is I would give her clean sheets, towel, food etc which I'm not remotely begrudging but that's all extra work for me when I have the kids too and if she's not even visiting us to see the kids or really even spend proper time with us then why am I doing all that extra stuff?

OP posts:
Hassled · 04/09/2014 21:22

Just say you're sorry, it's not convenient for you. No need to give any explanation. You're absolutely right - she's using you like other people use a Travelodge.

BabyGoose · 04/09/2014 21:29

My head would say, "Bugger off" but my heart would offer her a bed for the night.
It's one night. That's what I would tell myself.

Loletta · 04/09/2014 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
saltnpepa · 04/09/2014 21:30

She's lovely but if she turns up at 9.30 I'll be pissed off and probably asleep! I'm so tired at the moment with the kids and one of them starts school on Monday, I just don't need the hassle.

OP posts:
Original poster
saltnpepa · 05/09/2014 06:29

So AIBU to cancel?

OP posts:
Sunna · 05/09/2014 06:33

Yes, it would be unreasonable to cancel after saying she could stay. But not unreasonable to have said no in the first place.

DoubtfireDear · 05/09/2014 06:35

YANBU to cancel, she still has a couple of weeks to find and book a travel lodge instead of using you as one

Tell her she is welcome to pop in for a visit when sge is in the area but you really can't accommodate guests at the minute.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/09/2014 07:54

A couple of weeks is plenty of time to cancel.

'Auntie, I am sorry but with the kids, that just doesn't work for me. Have you tried airbnb?'

Lee32 · 05/09/2014 13:53

I'm with Doubtfire and Funky. You're under no obligations to this leech relative you haven't seen in years until she needs something. Cancel. Something has come up. YANBU.

DuelingFanjo · 05/09/2014 13:58

She is using you as a B&B but, really, does it matter? has she done several things to piss you off? Are you holding a grudge from ages ago?

Maybe welcome her at 9 and be nice?

Lee32 · 05/09/2014 14:03

...and change the sheets and towels, and prepare food, and hope she's not too late...

gentlehoney · 05/09/2014 14:10

Just welcome her and be friendly. You can behave well even if others cant.

OnlyLovers · 05/09/2014 14:12

Have you already agreed? If so then it's hard to get out of; personally I wouldn't like to lie about something having come up. I'd probably have said no in the first place; if you HAVEN'T agreed already then you can just say 'That night's not convenient, sorry, try airbnb' instead.

Not sure it's relevant that she's 'young' or 'single'.

Merrylegs · 05/09/2014 14:12

Maybe she's trying not to be too much of an imposition. After all, she is not arriving at a meal time. Perhaps she is trying to make as little work for you as possible. It sounds like you are cross because she is not coming to see your kids but they can meet her in the morning. Just make sure you offer her a cuppa bright and early.

HappyAgainOneDay · 05/09/2014 14:12

I have a couple of aunts whom I haven't seen for more than 10 years. I would be delighted that they were so comfortable about me that they felt they could ask me to put them up. They would be more than welcome.

RandomFriend · 05/09/2014 14:13

You mention that she is a lovely person and that you lost touch. Perhaps she is looking to reconnect with you and this is an opportunity?

Enb76 · 05/09/2014 14:17

See, I would have no problem with this. Even if she wasn't visiting me she's a vague relative and you're helping her out. Isn't that what family does?

She gets a bed for the night, I get breakfast conversation and maybe a closer relationship after having not seen her for 10 years plus probable gossip from her side of the family. Sounds like a win win.

RandomFriend · 05/09/2014 14:23

YANBU to tell her that you won't be able to spend time with her in the evening (for single people, at 9pm the night is young, so she might need this spelled out).

You could mention that you look forward to having a coffee with her the next morning, after the DCs have gone off to school.

Yambabe · 05/09/2014 14:29

I would be happy for her to come but wouldn't go out of my way to make extra work. She'd get a duvet/sleeping bag on the sofa in my house (which would be invaded by cats wanting to share with her at various points throughout the night) Grin

KnackeredMuchly · 05/09/2014 14:34

I'd probably let her comw buy yanbu at all to say no.

I bet you £10 that she arrives after 10pm though. Text her on the day that you're feeling exhausted, will peobably go to bed early and can she ring you once she's on the way/15 minutes away, that way you're not hanging around all night waiting for her.

If she wants to treat you like a BnB I'd feel fine in just offering her clean sheets/towel/tea n toast. I wouldn't go all out with hosting.

QuintessentiallyQS · 05/09/2014 14:37

Tell her that as you have no spare bedding, she needs to bring her own, or a sleeping bag.