To make DS pay to replace the PE kit he lost

[WhatsGoingOnEh]

ON HIS FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?!

He's just started Year 7. He went in today with £70's worth of brand-new PE kit. I'd paid £15 for his locker. He didn't put his PE kit in there "because none of the other kids did."

He went for lunch, put his bag and his PE bag on the floor of the playground. Forget to pick up his PE bag again. He remembered at the end of the day, went back to get it and it'd gone. He checked Lost Property but it wasn't there.

I'd warned him: anything you lose, you replace. I've spent over £200 on uniform, PE kit, trainers, stationery and equipment and the sodding locker.

He has PE tomorrow. :(

Questions:

1. Is it likely to be found again? It's all labelled.

1. If it isn't, AIBU to make him use his savings (he has £80) to replace the contents of the bag? I don't think I am. I know it's harsh, but I think it might be a good lesson for him in not being so scatty. (This is not the first time he's been scatty.)

It may well be found, my ds's school is quite good at reuniting lost property with its owners, but it can take up to three weeks.

I have made my other ds pay for kit lost by his own stupidity though, and strangely he hasn't lost anything since.

Oh Lordy! I was going to say you are harsh and unreasonable but no actually I don't think you are.

hopefully it'll turn up though if you and your son are like me and mine not before he has pe tomorrow!

Making him pay will make he appreciate it and an important life lesson. Yanbu. Fingers crossed it turns up..

YANBU but if he only has £80 in his savings then I would only make him pay half. Tell him if it happens again he'll have to pay the full amount. Paying half this time is still a significant amount of money and would teach him a lesson.

I think it'll turn up.

If it doesn't, how about making him pay a contribution towards a new one?

(Rather than full price )

Our rule is that I replace each item once in their school career, after that its up to them. I think it makes them take more care of their stuff if they have to pay for it.

I did specifically warn him that he'd have to pay for anything he lost. It all cost SO much. I warned him. He looked at me all seriously, nodded and agreed.... Then lost it.

I'm annoyed (irrationally) because I'd spent AGES being organised and ordering it all before our holiday, then putting aside a free afternoon to label it all with the labels I'd had made, and double-checking the list of stuff, and taking him to buy new trainers and a cool Nike sports bag to put it all in, and the locker paperwork and money........... Only for it all to go POOF on day sodding one.

I think because I warned him, I have to follow through.

I think I'm doing too much for him too. But he's only 11! [soft as shite emoticon] But yes. I've always been a bit of a control-freak and "helped" with everything, although I see now that it really ISN'T help. I'm holding him back by fixing every problem.

I'm going to stand back a bit. I hate the thought of him getting told off at PE tomorrow for not having his kit, but it's not MY problem, it's his. It really is. He had a locker! That's what the locker was for! We'd discussed the locker!

Ugh... Motherhood can be such a spiral of worry/guilt/worry/guilt.

YANBU. If you don't, it's only going to teach him he can be irresponsible without suffering any consequences. What kind of life-preparation is that?

It also tells him that your warnings are worthless because you don't follow through on them. If you've already said he'll have to replace anything he loses, then why is it even in question?

I honestly don't think you'd be doing him any favours by caving in. If you do, where does it stop? What about next time?

He was the one who didn't take proper care, now he needs to deal with the inevitable result (which will make him think twice in the future). If any of the missing kit turns up, you can refund him the cost of that particular item.

I totally agree with the whole teaching the child to take the consequences of their actions and would whole heartedly go along with your decision to get him to pay etc.

However I might go easy and not expect the full amount this time. This is because as a mum of a Y7 child I can see how much stress and strain she's under just trying to cope with her big new school. She's desperate to fit in. So ordinarily if she left her bag on the floor 'cos everybody else did', I'd be docking her pocket money for here after. But I think I'd cut her some slack on this occasion.

Having said all that, it's great to come across other mothers who are prepared to teach their children about responsibility x

I did this with my yr 7 last year.

I didn't make him pay the entire amount, I think we settled on about £50 (I decided that figure as it didn't wipe out his savings, but put a bloody big dent in them).

He never left his kit again (so far, anyway )

I am not sure I'd make him pay the full amount. It's a great shame he's lost the entire thing, though it may still turn up if some kid went home with it by mistake and returns it. I agree with Bobby - if they were all leaving their things there, it's easy to understand why he did too.

Maybe £25/30 as you did warn him.

Maybe I am a softie too [I'll take that emoticon!] but I'd be inclined to let him off relatively lightly this time but come down hard if it happens again.

I cured my DS1 of losing PE kit items (never the entire thing at once, thankfully) by waking him early on a Saturday morning and making him come with me to buy replacements (he was warned this would happen) and he never lost anything again For my DS, a shopping trip on a Saturday was a worse fate than losing his money!

Excuse me a moment while I go all nostalgic for my little boy - he's big hairy student these days!

First day of senior school, he's trying to fit in, do what others do not to look odd. It's a shame it's lost. May turn up. But put yourself in his shoes.

First day of senior school, he's trying to fit in, do what others do not to look odd. It's a shame it's lost. May turn up. But put yourself in his shoes.

^^This.

I've made DSs earn the money rather than pay it from savings. They do chores which knocks amounts off the debt. I feel this means they learn that money doesn't just appear in birthday cards or as pocket money with no effort.

I've made dd1 pay for jumpers she lost in year 5. Not unreasonable at all.

If it's labelled make him go down to the office and lost property first thing tomorrow while there's a chance of it being found.

My DS has lost at least 2 school PE tops.

I charged him for shirt 3 and I bought shirt 4 as a 'spare'
They cost £4 to buy + £3-50 to post and are only available at the School Supplies.
I;ve told him if he loses another he can get the bus there and back and buy another.
at.the.end.of.my.tether.com

Poor kid, poor you! That is incredibly frustrating for both! However, he must be mortified. It is such a lot to cope with starting high school and he is probably now really upset about not having it for P.E tomorrow.

I'd tell him to go to the office first thing tomorrow, then I would ask him to contribute to a new kit but not take all his savings. I would be kind about it at the same time though, he is coping with a lot and this is the last thing he wanted to happen I'm sure. It probably will help him learn his lesson though...I really hope it turns up! My dd started in Yr 7 today too!

YANBU. Make him pay at least half. Take him shopping for new kit. And make him label it all. Might feel harsh but it's the only way he'll learn, so it's best for him in the long run.

Why £70 on PE kit given they tend to go missing??? My kid's PE kit costs under a tenner from Sainsburys, T shirt and v cheap tracksuit. Mind you they wear trainers anyway so they are safe on their feet.

In this house it is the pay half rule, for a few things kids have lost. If its not really their fault (or the first day) I'd let them off.

Rainbow - a lot of secondary schools specify exact school logo kit from a specialist supplier. And by the time you've got track suit bottoms, polo shirt, rugby/football/hockey shirts, trainers, shirts & the multitude of other items its expensive.

are your kids in primary, rainbowspiral?

op, as it was the first day, cut him some slack

next time, he pays

Why £70 on PE kit given they tend to go missing??? My kid's PE kit costs under a tenner from Sainsburys

LOL. I remember those happy days. DSs rugby top alone is £40.