Was Dh nasty in saying this or just honest?

[Doubtfuldaphne]

Dh had a friend over at the weekend and they'd been drinking. We were debating (heatedly) about ds's school work. I think he's fine, Dh thinks he should do better.
Dh said to me, "it's different for you as you had ds young and never had a career and have me to look you, ds will be the breadwinner of his house and needs to try harder"
I felt upset thinking that's how he sees me.
Aibu?

[Bakeoffcakes]

You were well shot of him oldgrandmama Congratulations!

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Congrats on the job! That is a horrible attitude to have and twice that as it was voiced in front of someone else. Smug and belittling.

[ChasedByBees]

Yay, you took the job!

I might ask him how he would feel if you told his friend that you've saved him from having to struggle through his patchy career. I'm an arse like that though. It probably wouldn't help.

[gertiegusset]

Well I'm glad you took the job too OP.
Some women do choose to bring up their children and do everything in the home while some men choose to go to work and do nothing in the home.
I hope he's going to be supportive of your decision and pull his weight at home now.

[captainmummy]

Grandmama - I remember reading one of those stupid 'how to keep a man' articles a long time ago; the gist of it was that you should not 'prattle' on about your day, ask him about his, as he is by far more important than you (paraphrasing!) I remember thinking - so The Queen, Margaret Thatcher, Aung San Suu Kyi and the like(told you it was a long time ago ) should go about their cleaning and cooking and dusting whilst asking about DHs day and considering their own day to be inconsequential? Even then I was incensed.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Well done on the new job, OP.

I would tear my DH a new one if he ever said anything like that. How fucking smug and disrespectful!

And how unfair on your DS that he's being socialised to be a "breadwinner" already. What if he wants to be a SAHP? Will be feel himself a failure in his father's eyes? Half the reason there are so few SAHP is that men are socialised to be "breadwinners" and fear ridicule if they don't match society's expectations of them.

Your DH's attitudes stink. What you choose to do about that is up to you, but I hope you will be teaching your son differently.