To ask dc dad for more maintenance?

[GaryShitpeas]

Ds is 8 and his dad pays £170 a month maintenance. It's a private arrangement, we don't go through CSA or whatever it's called these days.

Here's the thing. I need more. don't know what his dad earns nowadays. But he has just bought a house for 180k and he has a mortgage on it which he said he got with he 5% deposit thing that's around now. So I would guess to get a mortgage of that size he must be on at least 30k? And I'm sure it's meant to be about 15% of salary as dh has another dd from his previous relationship who he pays that amount to her mum, and that was via CSA

But It's so awkward as we get on really well now and i don't want to risk jeopardising that and therefore possibly his relationship with ds

Wwyd? And Aibu and grabby to ask for more? I do need it btw I'm fucking broke tbh

[chocolatespiders]

I get 20 pw for one child. He had no resident child. In adition to day job He is also a retained firefighter but the CSA won't take that into account as they think it would put people off!!! Its a good wage though at a busy station. He also has income from a logder.
I sadly just have to rise above it. Asked him to help towards dds residential but he said no. No uniform help and to top it off no birthday present for did 3 weeks ago!

[WooWooOwl]

Arsenicy, personally I don't see why the system does accept that a NRP has to pay less if they acquire step children or have more children of their own. People should fund the children they have before having or supporting any more, and that goes for NRPs and RPs.

I think the CSA is bollocks, and it should be based on what it directly costs to feed, clothe and educate a child, taking into account that both parents should be providing a suitable home for the child on their own. I realise that lots of NRPs don't have a suitable home for their children to visit, but that isn't the case here.

It is possible to feed, clothe and provide what a child needs for a state education on £340 a month.

[ArsenicyOldFace]

That's very specific. Is that a rowntree figure? What about housing?

[WooWooOwl]

It's the amount she gets from her ex doubled to include what she will be providing directly for this child.

[WooWooOwl]

What about housing?

The ex is providing a home for his child and the OP should be doing the same. They don't pay that for each other.

[ArsenicyOldFace]

But the cost of a child includes housing. When you become a parent, you don't just stash the baby in an empty drawer and carry on.

[WooWooOwl]

The OP isn't paying towards providing a home for her ex to use when he gets contact with the child, he is providing that himself, possibly with his new partner.

Why shouldn't the OP provide the house she shares with her child? He's 8, he's been at school for ages.

[ArsenicyOldFace]

Not everyone has 50:50 arrangements. I know of very few in fact.

It is a peculiarly MN idea that everyone does.

[ChiefBillyNacho]

The accommodation is what can make a big difference though. If I hadn't had dd I could have opted for a house share, a studio flat or one bedroomed flat. And I could have lived in a cheaper area. I stayed closed to dd's dad and kept her in the same school as both of those things were in her best interests, and that is what increased the amount needed for her.

[GaryShitpeas]

lol at 50/50

ex only has dh one day a week just Saturdays and sticks him in front of the xbox

most of my friends have kids with an ex. and they all have their kids all the time apart from pathetic amounts, many of the dads don't even bother at all

I do live on a council estate though. :)

[Waltermittythesequel]

Are you working, OP?

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

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[GaryShitpeas]

are you feeling ok needsa

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Sorry highly valid point made just there by my two year old as soon as I can figure out the translation I will make sure I advise you as to its content

[Waltermittythesequel]

[WooWooOwl]

50/50 shared care is irrelevant, even if it's just one night a week or less, the child still needs to sleep somewhere.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

It's not irrelevant woohoo the paying parent gets a reduction based on nights spent with them

[EarthWindFire]

Not everyone has 50:50 arrangements. I know of very few in fact.

Shared care is actually what courts are working more towards these days.

[EarthWindFire]

Unless his wife is also earning, I'd bet he's earning a lot more than £30k to get a £170k mortgage after the new mortgage system came in

It is all assumption though without knowing the facts. The wife could be a very high earner.

[WooWooOwl]

I meant irrelevant to housing costs in response to another poster. Sorry, I should have been clearer.

[ArsenicyOldFace]

No Woo. The space a child needs (or gets in practice) at an address where it spends 52 nights a year or less do not constitute a housing expense equal to the cost of providing the child's main home.

Where are the bulk of a child's belongings stored in that scenario? What is the underlying legal situation?

You might as well say an involved grandparent who regularly has a child to stay (up to one night a week) bears a housing cost equal to the resident parent.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

They are costs associated with the child that the parents have. The paying parent receives a reduction from what they pay for the time they have them this obviously contributes towards their own costs inc housing.

Obviously the money that the receiving parent gets paid is a contribution towards their costs inc housing.

[ArsenicyOldFace]

Shared care is actually what courts are working more towards these days.

So I hear. It's a long way from most people living with that arrangemnt though isn't it?

[EarthWindFire]

I do know of a few people where vertically 50:50 is the case.

[EarthWindFire]

Virtually not vertically