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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To refuse to engage with anyone who uses of instead of have?

404 replies

ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear · 31/08/2014 21:29

That's it.

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 01/09/2014 14:52

She said a number of things Cote, including "Why would I direct my time and attention towards those who flag themselves up as less intelligent"

CoteDAzur · 01/09/2014 14:55

Well, she has worded it better in the post I quoted.

It is not realistic to expect people not to do this. It is done, we all know it is done. We all judge people on small things such as their accent and incorrect spelling & grammar. Very few people actually say it, though.

Such is the beauty of MN (imho) - honesty about people's innermost thoughts. Yes, it can be hurtful, but no, I wouldn't want it to change.

Suzannewithaplan · 01/09/2014 14:58

I'm a bit confused, it seems reasonable for a thread to have moved on and shifted away from the original premise, but what exactly are we debating at this stage of the proceedings?

Would someone perhaps like to summarize the main issues?

ArsenicyOldFace · 01/09/2014 15:00

Well, she has worded it better in the post I quoted.

Mwahahaha. So sweet of you to help her out with what she meant. Maybe she meant everything she posted? Shall we work on that premise? It seems a good one.

Suzannewithaplan · 01/09/2014 15:01

Ok well you've read 'Thinking, Fast and Slow'
by Daniel Kahneman?

this
If I see 'of' rather than 'have' I think 'thicko'
is me thinking fast
this
I am strongly disinclined to engage (for purposes of recreation) with a person whose manner of speech indicates that we are unlikely to have any common ground and/or that the exchange will be unrewarding to either or both parties
is me thinking slow

Suzannewithaplan · 01/09/2014 15:02

I gave my knee jerk reaction and my considered response
how very generous of me Hmm

SconeRhymesWithGone · 01/09/2014 15:03

The spelling is different on draw and drawer but the pronunciation is the same.

A PP made this comment after a Scottish poster said she/he pronounces them differently. For non-rhotic speakers, yes, the pronunciation would be essentially the same. But for the huge population of people who are rhotic speakers, they are different. Draw does not have an "r." Drawer does. I, and many other people, pronounce the "r."

Mumsnet is a very non-rhotic-centric place.

sunflower49 · 01/09/2014 15:04

YANBU. Drives me nuts. It bothers me more than anything else that's similar. I can cope with spelling words incorrectly. I can cope with text speak/abbreviations-they may not be something I do a lot, but they serve a purpose and I get it.

I can EVEN sort of cope with there/their/they're. Because those are similar words when written, sound the same, and are renowned for being a confusing thing to learn

OF and HAVE are NOT the same word! They don't sound the same, they're TOTALLY different words, there is NO REASON TO CONFUSE THEM!!

I have a friend who types me emails a lot and does this, and I will waste spend time thinking up ways to reply whilst incorporating sentences such as;

'anyway I OF to go and work now, so speak later'.

Or;

'Are you OFing to do it again, then?'

Or;

'Of you got your project finished'?

'Did it give you peace have mind?'

etc

redshifter · 01/09/2014 15:06

It is irritating when written, yes.

What is more irritating is someone complaining about it in a badly written Original Post like yours OP.
You could have done a lot better to help easy understanding of what you were trying to say.
Whereas 'of' instead of 'have' does not really make more difficult to understand. So that is why I think YABU and will refuse to engage with you anymore.

Smile
ArsenicyOldFace · 01/09/2014 15:08

Suzanne people are just responding to what you type on the screen.

They don't have contextualising information about your thought speed at any given moment.

ArsenicyOldFace · 01/09/2014 15:11

Mumsnet is a very non-rhotic-centric place.

That's one for the forthcoming MN cushion range (possibly a slower seller) Grin

redshifter · 01/09/2014 15:11

I can EVEN sort of cope with there/their/they're. Because those are similar words when written, sound the same, and are renowned for being a confusing thing to learnOF and HAVE are NOT the same word! They don't sound the same, they're TOTALLY different words, there is NO REASON TO CONFUSE THEM!!

No. IMO you are totally wrong here. "Should've " and "should of" sound the same. More understandable to make the mistake, I think.
How can you not understand this? Confused
Their is a very simple reason to "confuse them"

QuintessentiallyQS · 01/09/2014 15:13

As I refuse to engage with a lazy fucker without a job, I can't comment on the op. (She would not want to talk to me any way, being a foreigner who sometimes can't spell very well)

ArsenicyOldFace · 01/09/2014 15:13

Their is a very simple reason to "confuse them"

Grin

Want some Wine Red?

SconeRhymesWithGone · 01/09/2014 15:21

All of you who are laboring on about how obvious the difference between "would of" and "would have" is, are you willfully missing the many posts pointing out that it is "would of" and "would've" that are being confused? Also in some accents, it is a function of the words being elided.

People with learning disabilities, like my son who has dyslexia and an auditory processing disorder (a common combination), often will miss the distinction.

CoteDAzur · 01/09/2014 15:22

"Mwahahaha. So sweet of you to help her out with what she meant. Maybe she meant everything she posted? Shall we work on that premise? It seems a good one."

What I posted was a quote from her own post Hmm. I thought that was clear form my use of quotation marks.

CoteDAzur · 01/09/2014 15:23

form from.

Now, that is a typo.

ArsenicyOldFace · 01/09/2014 15:26

Cote she posted two slightly different things.

You decided for her which best expressed her views.

Don't pretend not to understand.

CoteDAzur · 01/09/2014 15:29

I understand your "mwahahahah" very well.

She gave a quick knee-jerk answer, then explained it better in a subsequent post.

You want to point fingers and condemn, so focus on the 1st answer.

Nothing more to see there imho.

ArsenicyOldFace · 01/09/2014 15:30

No. I want to understand.

But the backtracking was entertaining in itself for 5 minutes.

longestlurkerever · 01/09/2014 15:44

Doesn't really matter. The longer answer is just as repugnant. Of course people make snap judgments but most people, when they realise they are doing this and that it has the effect of writing off swathes of people as somehow lesser, would take steps to try and reduce the amount they do it. Not repeatedly try to justify why it's the right thing to do.

CoteDAzur · 01/09/2014 15:44

I'm happy for you Smile

LRDtheFeministDragon · 01/09/2014 15:51

I went and took a minute, so I'm going to ignore the last few posts. cote, I'm never sure how much point there is trying to talk to you about this, because honestly, it feels as if you simply want to hurt. However: you say

Whatever the reason is that you keep making these mistakes, if I were you, I would not rest until I have mastered them. Whatever it takes, and however I have to work on them. We are all different, obviously.

I know you believe this to be true. I'm sure you feel (as you imply here) that you're just someone who works harder, and is more conscientious, and you'd use those wonderful character traits to master mistakes.

But, you know, I do try. Really, I do. I've spent so much time working on this. But really, all I am mentally equipped to do is to contain the worst of it, and learn how to keep asking for help with proofreading. Honestly, highly trained professionals have assessed me and they know this isn't something I am ever likely to learn. That's not a 'woe is me' post: the point is, you're wrong to think this is always something that can be learned - however hard you're willing to work.

I can only imagine that you were not given a written exam for this position where you wrote "I would of found it difficult to pass my degree's in another language", for example.

No, as I have said, for this job, I was given an application form where I could ask for allowances for my disability. And they made allowances: there were typos in there, and they accepted that. Not everyone is going to judge as unnnecessarily harshly as you.

I don't know how familiar you are with today's competitive job market, but usually a hundred CVs arrive for each position and you can bet that the one with perfect spelling and grammar will be chosen for an interview before one with glaring mistakes.

I love that you think a hundred CVs is an example of 'today's competitive job market'. You have no clue how competitive academia is. And yet, actually, people do want to help you out. I am sure sometimes my CV has been rejected for glaring mistakes (though, frankly, I feel it's much more likely I lost out for the right reasons - that someone else was better than me).

But demonstrably, employers do not always discriminate against people like me. If they did, I would not have this job. I don't know why you're so bothered by the fact that I do have this job, and that I have somehow managed to cope in the world without learning how to eradicate all errors.

To me, this is an example of the fact that many people are willing to give someone like me a chance. I appreciate that so much. I feel so lucky. I think people who have dyslexic children ought not know that it is possible for a dyslexic person to get a job, even a job that requires quite a high level of written English.

Yes, of course employers will still be biased, and will use crude measure to whittle down numbers of CVs, and of course some jobs are not compatible with these errors.

But there is some hope. There are some positives.

CoteDAzur · 01/09/2014 15:53

"when they realise they are doing this and that it has the effect of writing off swathes of people as somehow lesser..."

Speaking strictly for myself, I don't think "lesser" comes into it. I would sit down and listen or talk to anyone and everyone. I don't think anyone is "lesser" than me as a human being - we are all people, trying to do our best, and have our own stories to tell.

However, if I am going to debate a philosophy, I probably won't do it with someone in RL who I know doesn't read and hasn't studied beyond the age of 15. On here, we don't know each other and all "look" the same but sometimes such signals point to the same thing.

"would take steps to try and reduce the amount they do it."

Why? Do you debate everything with everyone in RL?

Icimoi · 01/09/2014 15:56

Dyslexia is partly, some would argue largely, to do with processing sounds into written language. You could easily write 'of' while thinking 'could've', because they might sound the same to you.

It's perfectly possible that a dyslexic person would make that error, but that is for the same reason that non-dyslexics do - not because of their dyslexia.