To leave a decent paying job as it makes me ill?

[ginorwine]

Have professional job- rewarding but v stressful. Off work with anxiety and was two years ago for same reason. I only work part time but take extra work home with me and think about work . Have had cbt in past which worked for short while. If I leave we will have to move house and not be in position to help our dc in future - weddings , help at uni etc. this is because I can't get another job to pay half of what I earn now and would not be able to fund a car. If I leave I do not want to have a v responsible job , I feel totally burnt out , hence my potential wage would reflect that, I feel guilty that am letting family down and reducing our income significantly as well as having to move house. We have done the maths. Anyone else been in this position?

I think it would be unfair on the others to just leave and personally I wouldn't, but I'm not you, and I don't know how you feel.

Didi I'm glad for you. My dh has said that health more important and he is stressed I'm do stressed and has said it mav be less stressful for him but that he has to get his head round the fact that he wil have to keep working when others leave and he wanted to acknowledge this rather than hold it in I guess.....

Far better to look for work while you're employed. You might find some inspiration here:

www.communitycare.co.uk/2013/01/16/how-to-move-away-from-frontline-social-work-but-still-use-your-skills/

I work from home now and earn less but spend much less. I would never have left if a sympathetic gp hadn't signed me off and my family realised how much harm teaching was doing to me. Long term maybe I will have damaged my career prospects but there's more to life than work. Good luck.

Ok - how about looking at it this way:-

Next May / June your kids are taking A levels and GCSEs. My own experience is that A levels was the most stressful set of exams of my life. (And I have an Oxbridge degree and did exams biannually for nearly 5 years post degree.) GCSEs are also pretty stressful as they are the first set of exams.

So next May / June your kids are going to be a couple of stressed little bunnies who need their parents to be super calm and letting them be the stars of the stress show. If you are still working in a super stressful job then you are not going to be able to do that.

Op I am in the same position. 22 years in the NHS and utterly demoralised. I haven't had any sick time but self-referred to the staff psychology service as I was getting so many symptoms of anxiety (constant headaches, facial numbness, stomach cramps, poor sleep). Am doing mindfulness but just had 2 weeks annual leave and I would say returning to work has been hanging over me for at least half of that time. Have school fees ahead and had planned to work another 9 years and retire early on reduced pension- which has been constantly whittled away since I signed up to it. However cannot see me managing another 9 years in this role. Feel totally trapped as any movement sideways or up requires more study which I'm not prepared to do in my current mindset. Any movement downwards will put me back on unsocial hours and physically tough clinical work. It's very depressing. Don't have an answer but just want to say you're not alone. It's quite sad that so many people in similar positions appear to be in public sector / caring profession work.

I left a job towards the end of last year. I was suffering anxiety and depression and was miserable. I earn a third of what I used to earn and sacrifices have been and are being made - no holiday this year, will not be moving house any time soon - which was possible with my previous job - but I am infinitely happier and now sleep at night!

Hi. I left my job about a year ago as I just could not face it any more. I was taking out my frustrations with the job on my family, and when I was at home I was constantly thinking about when I was having to go back in. Every aspect of the job was demoralising, the workload, boss, colleagues, lack of support etc. people were constantly off with stress, and other people then had to pick up their workload too. my dh told me I had to leave. I managed to find a job in an area that I had no experience of, was much less hours and took a paycut of more than half my wages.

But despite the reduction in money and lack of, as I see it, a career, I am so much happier, and so are my family. I have more time for my family and myself.

If I had stayed I am sure I would have cracked, and compared to being a teacher or sw my job should have been a breeze really. I hope to do something else later, but for now my little part time job fits in well with the dcs and dh. I think it's really scary making the initial leap, but once you are out it's not so frightening trying your hand at some different jobs.

It's an enormous decision, but as others have said, nothing can replace your health.

My heart goes out to you. I'm in the same profession and it's hard going. I left for a few years when my kids were growing up, my work was taking over and my anxiety was horrendous. As others have said your health comes first. There's nothing wrong with a career break or giving it up forever. Children would rather have a chilled mum than a constantly stressed one. A house is only bricks and mortar at the end of the day, your health comes first. Don't be a martyr like I was and struggle on, it's only a job at the end of the day.

OP I'm surprised your employer can't help more by re-jigging your job to suit you or putting you top of the list for another job. When a Colleague went off work for stress (6 months +) his union rep worked closely with the organization to review his job description and re-engineer his job. Not sure how common this is but they essentially said that 'the job as is was making him unwell' and the organization had an obligation to change it. Maybe more pressure on your employer to change things might help?

If I was I your position I wouldn't leave right away but would give myself a time period (eg a year) to find something else. I'm in the minority here but I just wouldn't quit right away or take a really low paying job if you can avoid it. Life is expensive as are children and financial stresses can be worse than work pressures.

While I support all the comments on this thread I wonder if everyone would be so supportive if the roles were reversed? A recent poster on MN wondered if her DH, who was begging her to resign, should and so many of the replies were 'no, he really shouldn't...' I think there is a bit of this view here. Personally I would not feel comfortable assuming a man was going to be the primary breadwinner and that my income would just 'top things up'. I also feel uncomfortable not having my own income or an income substantial enough to kind of support a family in case DP left. Anything can happen.

I hope you find something that also is a similar level to your current work. I get depressed when I see posts on MM suggesting women downgrade to really basic level work. It sounds like you just need a change in envt not in level of challenge or responsibility.

Thankyou all for your support x

OP, I left teaching this summer after 15 years because it was making me ill.

My teens were quite concerned for me as they saw me being stressed and working so many unpaid hours.
My health finally made me give up, and I'm still trying to recover from my back problems. I was so tense I messed up my body trying to keep going.

At the moment, I am at home and am figuring out what to do. I have quite a few transferable skills, but I want to do something I love doing. Something I would do for free, which makes me happy and brings in money.

Luckily my dh earns enough for the basic life, but no extras. He was the one who almost begged me to stop. He saw it coming years ago, he always said the amount of work I have to put in is crazy. And that was not me being unorganised, it was necessary by the constant change in requirements, text books, exams, etc.

I have a few ideas what to do but lack self confidence. Maybe I just need time to think, after the dc have gone back to school. I have done an online course, which has helped my confidence a bit, I need to go back to it. It's called freerangehumans, if you are interested. It is very helpful if you already have an idea for starting self employment (catering?).

Please think of your health. Nothing is more important.

Thankyou all for your support ! I have read about burnout which seems to apply and am go see gp as starting point .

Do you have to earn at your current level to stay in your current home? Just wondering what flex there is in your income needs.

I would be wary of moving to an area you don't like, depending on reason. If you don't like it because you wouldn't feel that your family is safe there then I'd say don't take this step.

As you are part-time, could you start exploring other options on your days 'off'? Other posters have come up with good ideas as to how you could earn after leaving your job.

Do you have any savings to tide you over, for example, consultancy start up?

A teacher here who feels exactly the same. The only way I survive is by being part time. I dread the day the children are older and I need to work full time- I think it will do me real damage :(

Sadly, we are pretty skint at the moment now the price of everything seems to have rocketed and DH has had to take a lower paid job after redundancy so that is looking increasingly likely... :(

What else can ex- teachers do? I've thought of tutoring but looking at the TES - it doesn't seem to make much money (for the prep time needed) and would obviously be after school/weekends which isn't ideal when you have kids.

I'd like to teach in the children's ward of a hospital-would you need to be a qualified nurse for that though? I've never seen that sort of job advertised so would imagine that's the case-it it's just a very sought after role?!

I have completely rebuilt my career and retrained since leaving teaching. I don't earn anything approaching what I used to but have plans to boost the self employed side.
I don't regret my decision.

Your health must come first.
I took a job in a different department (same pay but different role). Previous role had been physically demanding but not so much mentally. New role was sedentary but very anxiety provoking, heavy work load. Looking back I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown on at least two occasions. I also became quite ill. And I was always angry.
I went back to the non-mentally demanding role. No drop in pay but a drop in status - the feeling that I had publicly failed and "couldn't cut it". But I was proud that I had the courage to admit the stressful role wasn't for me and that is the first step.
I turned out to be anaemic. Since being back in my old (easier) role I got my health and energy back. I'm now pregnant-I don't think that would've happened previously as I was so unhealthy.
You don't need to prove anything to anyone. You've tried it and it wasn't for you. Also, just because you can do a job it doesn't mean it's right for you if it's making you unhappy. You don't have to stick it out. Life is too short.

Thank you all , have spent the day looking at job vacancies. Have an I interview for a job in a deli as well as applied for assistant lecturer in child care . There are also local vacancies at the co op . Have also rang h r - they are able to offer re deployment if any vacancies but can't tell me if they are until I say I can't return to sw. A few options . .....also I cd be a nanny , have been childminder when dc small and I was s at home mum.

Good luck with the hunt!

Don't sell yourself short. All jobs, not matter how small, have their own niggles and hassles, so find something that you will actually enjoy.

Even my job is a real headache sometimes - but most days I am almost giggling with glee that people actually pay me to do it!

H was really struggling. He always got assessed as a good teacher until recently and things got too much. New HT, H was fighting just to stand still as were a lot of otherwise excellent teachers. He was threatened with the capability process unless he took a post as a HLTA - he did that and now earns 700 a month less. Finances are really tight but we haven't had to move - yet! Meanwhile his job is secure and he is still working in a school he loves and at least 3 other teachers have been sacked through the cap process. He spent most of the long holidays working a a builder/carpenter which is what he used to do - apart from the aches and pains he has loved it. Sadly long-term it's just not well paid enough.

Reading with interest as I am in a similar position

I gave up full time work for part time due to stress. 7 years later and I'm still stressed. Being on maternity leave with DD was wonderful and at the time I put it down to new-mum hormones. Been back at work for 18 months now, and have spent 2months of that off sick with stress.

I think it's just that my job disagrees with me. I love my job, but it hates me!

If I leave it will be impossible to get back in the profession.

DH, love him, is supportive.

Difficult decision.

I was a nurse, then I worked in an FE setting but had to leave due to (physical) health problems which lasted a few years but resolved. When I was due to go back to work I took a very part-time post as a Teaching Assistant to get me back into the swing of work. I am now in my 4th year as a Supply Assistant. I work for months at a time, could be primary, secondary, nursery or Special Needs, but in all cases it's a job you leave behind at work. The planning/assessing/preparation is all done by the teaching staff and I just do my job supporting the children. The money is half of what I used to earn but the hours are civilised and the holidays are long. It's very rewarding without the stress :-)

*I work for months at a time in the same school.

Nice name! Wow! What sort of job is that!!!!