AIBU can I still use this baby name

[ilovepombears]

Right, there is a friend who I know through my DP work. We don't live close but we text call each other lots well we did not so much now. I occasionally get a lift with my DP and spend the day with her when he's at work as he commutes everyday to the area they live.
I am 8months pregnant with a girl and have been thinking about names and had put a name on facebook that I was attached too but my DP hated it. A couple of friends commented with a variation of the name that was one letter out that changed the pronoun citation of the name. Think Conner / Conna. Sorry not a great example there. The name I love was a strong boys name but I loved it for a girl. Anyway I spoke to my DP about the suggested name and he really liked it and said it was a great name. The new name is a unisex name but typically a girls name and it's very uncommon in the uk but popular in the states as it's a place name also a sports team name. Anyway I was bored on may leave and posted about thoughts of our new name on fb. I had a pm from this friend just saying please can you not use this name. No explanation nothing. I explained to her we loved the name and plan on using it and if she wanted it for her next baby if she were to have one then that's fine by me as they have the connection to the name as they both go to this place and love the team when they can afford it.
I've also chosen the middle name for bubba and it's my mums middle name that's been in our family for generations. I had a personalise blanket made and put it up on fb to show this friend we are using this name as no one owns a name, I also have my c section booked. Cue a long pm stating that my friend was pregnant last year by accident and they had named the baby very early on my fist name and middle name. The middle name of mine is her partners name but a shortened version now same as mine as it's unisex too. She had to have a termination due to problems didn't say why. No one knew about this pregnancy and the date of her termination last year is the date of my section so the anniversary of her termination. She has begged me not to use the name. I know it is a huge coincidence of the names / date but I love this name. I can understand why she doesn't want me to use it and I respect that but it's my baby's name now we can't decide on anything else. AIBU to still use it? I know the friendship will end if I do but since she found out I was pregnant we haven't really spoke.
What do you lovely lady's think?

I haven't really got any advice, but I will say that it's obviously up to you what you name your baby however in this situation I personally wouldn't give my baby this name. I am sure there is another name you can find that you both like however IMO it simply isn't worth the bother to give your baby this name. It obviously means a lot to her and will upset her...whether that bothers you is your call.

Have a read of Phantom's post, hopefully it might make you seriously reconsider.

Oh, I see you have already decided to do that. Good decision, IME.

I hope all goes well with your CS.

Sorry, I missed your last post. I'm glad you're not going to use it.

And yes I second not telling anyone what name you choose next time.

As soon as he told me my head said it prob wasn't "accidental". At the time before this all happened we were very close then she dropped of the face of the earth. He had been upto no good with OW and she stayed with him. She used to say how the relationship was good now as he was good to her and let her get her own way. So sadly I think there is much more to this.

Poor woman, what a sad story, no wonder she is slightly unhinged about it all.

Sounds like you have made a good decision.

Oh no the shit has hit the fan...

My friends phoned me and said how dare I discuss the private information she told me with my DP. Her DP has gone off on one about her telling lies about the name/date when it wasn't true. Somehow now it's my fault.

Looks like that's an end to our friendship.

Well you couldn't not have told your DH could you, given that between you you had agreed the name? My DH would certainly want a very, very good reason to change a decision like that.

Reply that of course you had to tell your dp why you couldn't name your baby the name that you both agreed on and loved because it is a mutual decision

So the name and date were a lie?

Yes the middle name and date was a lie! The date has been confirmed by fiends DP as 2 weeks after my sections booked

she is sounding more and more like a bunny boiler or the woman off the hand that rocks the cradle!

step away. you lose nothing by not having this woman in your life.

Again, I am amazed they are still together, the way she goes on!

it sounds like she is still really upset over the whole situation.

she was forced into a termination by her "d"p and she's stayed with him even though she's quite obviously still affected.

her mind must be tormented. :(

i think thedates are close enough for her to really be feeling the pain right now, and I think the firstname thing is enough.

glad you've decided not to use it.and i tthink she'll probably be needing your support soon.
her p sounds like an awful twat.

How on earth could you have NOT discussed it with your DP?? It was the name you had both decided was going to be your baby's name. Obviously you would have to explain why you were suddenly doing a 180 and saying "no, we can't use this name at all after all".
She is lashing out because it's a horrible thing for her to have gone through and you are a handy scapegoat. Maybe she doesn't want to lash out at her partner as she's afraid he'll leave?

I'm with Nickelbabe - whatever the reasons she had a shitty time, she has exaggerated the similarities a bit to try and get you to not use the first name which is probably the key for her.

Hang on minute! She may be unreasonable about you discussing it with your dp, but he went on to discuss it with her dp, which I think is pretty out of order! You were basically checking up on her story by asking her own do if she was lying!

I think your friend needs your support because her dp is obviously a total bastard. It doesn't really matter what the date of the termination was, does it?

I feel very sorry for this woman and rather than "unhinged" - I think she is traumatized by being coerced into a termination, something she probably went along with (and may even have got pg in the first place) in order to protect a failing relationship.

Of course these things are not your fault, and I think you have been very kind to change your name choice.

Naturally you had to discuss the name change with your DP and this is not something you can be told-off for. She is lashing out as she feels like her life is falling to pieces and she is losing her partner.

Let's hope she doesn't read MN...

Have you also been to the place that this name is for?

Seems a bit odd to me if not. If my friends visited say, Miami, and came back with Miami Dolphins paraphernalia I wouldn't then turn around and call my kid Dolphin.

Or is it a place you too have a connection with.

Hang on, OP - you said the middle names were very similar and now you are saying the middle names are a lie?

If I'd planned a Phoenix Mary and heard about a Phoenix Marie, or a Phoenix Jodie and heard about a Phoenix Josie, then I might well say "the names are the same!" without stopping to qualify a small difference.

It doesn't sound like a close friendship.
In future don't post stuff on facebook unless you want "friends" to tell you they don't like the name/ don't want you to use the name.
You and your partner decide on a name, when the child is born you tell everyone "x is their name"