To report friend to FB for photo of her blacked up?

[Greyhound]

I'm really shocked - cousin of mine has pic of herself on Facebook blacked up. She is white. The picture is of her at a fancy dress party - she has covered her face in dark brown stage make up and is wearing an "Afro" wig and Rastafarian style striped hat.

Her husband is also blacked up.

She's not puttiing you down, she questioned your assertion that women are not discriminated against in the workplace- and she has particular experience in your and her profession.

There is a wealth of evidence as to the direct and indirect ways women are discriminated against, and you deny it all. Because...well.... you haven't experienced it... yet. I'm 43 years old - I've seen sex discrimination, I've experienced it, I've seen friends experience it. Why would you deny it happens?

Above was to Faultlessly, but transfers to Phaedra quite well too.

Fault I like women to be successful. I don't like women to be told they are imagining structural discrimination, that it's their fault if they can't pretend their children don't exist for the benefit of their employer, that if they can't stand the heat they should get out of the kitchen or that they are bitter failures if they do get out and want to talk about their experiences.

I'm not putting you down. I'm pointing out that your experience is limited. That is no more age discrimination than if you asked to be made partner this year and were refused. Your dismissal of my views based on your perception that I must be over 50 however is age discrimination, even though you are also wrong.

Many women have been where you are and told themselves what you are telling yourself - that talent will out and being a lawyer is a special job that requires "fit" and ridiculous hours. You did say above that you were glad that lawyers told you how it is but that doesn't seem to be the case when women (not just me) are talking about structural discrimination in law firms.

Why don't you tell me how much work you can do if you spend time on an internet site while you have work to do? Don't worry if you don't have time, I do understand.

Just another anecdote from me here:

When I became pregnant with my first baby, I was working in HR for the dinoasaur guy I mentioned upthread.

I was responsible for many things, but also the pay review data. One other woman became pregnant at the same time as me. Come pay review, everyone in her dept got a raise except her. I said to my boss, 'that's not right - is that just because she'll be taking maternity leave?'

His answer? "Don't worry, we won't be doing the same to you!" Yeah - because I work in HR and I know the law....

I did an experiment on our salary spreadsheets once - I sorted them by sex. It also neatly sorted the salary too - all the men earned the highest salary. my HR boss then was of the sort who thought '"men need to earn a salary to support a family' too.

Buffy FWIW I think you have, as usual, been very clear on this thread.

I do believe there are women who have not faced any discrimination at work. I think often they have shaped their lives to fit the man-shaped space, so to speak, believing that to be the lawyer-shaped space (or other occupation). I can see that if that is your view, you would not only perceive that you have not faced discrimination but you would not accept that there is discrimination in the first place. On this view, everything devolves to that old chestnut of individual choice without regard to the forces that affect the choices available to us or the pressures to make certain choices over others.

phaedra this isn't at you as I have no idea how you shaped your life or whether you believe this. Just my observation from women I have worked with.

I can't actually remember how this thread went from blackface to law firms so this may be old ground, however some people believe that behaviour or actions are only racist or sexist if there is a racist or sexist intent or if that intent is expressed. I know you believe, as I do, that intent is not necessary for behaviour to be relevant. Surely we all have a relative who insists he has nothing against Pakis/darkies/chinkies whatever and it's just the harmless name he grew up using and why should he change it? I admit to dressing up in costumes when I was a child that I wouldn't dream of wearing now (not blackface but close). It doesn't seem that difficult to acknowledge that if some people from a culture or a group, especially one with a history of oppression, ask other people (especially people from the group on the other end of the oppression), not to dress up as them in a fancy dress costume as they consider it racist, perhaps the better approach is to listen to them rather than insist to them that they should not be offended by it. Who would have thought that simple point would get to nearly 1000 posts?

Why on earth is this still going on?

If something offends somebody it is then offensive. Pretty simple to understand, no?