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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report friend to FB for photo of her blacked up?

960 replies

Greyhound · 31/08/2014 11:48

I'm really shocked - cousin of mine has pic of herself on Facebook blacked up. She is white. The picture is of her at a fancy dress party - she has covered her face in dark brown stage make up and is wearing an "Afro" wig and Rastafarian style striped hat.

Her husband is also blacked up.

OP posts:
Thehissingofsummerlawns · 07/09/2014 19:33

wow. what a dick. what did your dh say?

Thehissingofsummerlawns · 07/09/2014 19:41

Emsyj can i also ask- do you feel underemployed now? Or did you find a fulfilling and stimulating role that fit around your family's needs?

PhaedraIsMyName · 07/09/2014 19:43

and just because some of you are not feeling it yet as young graduates doesn't mean that you should be disparaging of older women discussing their experiences.

You and Buffy and others have been extremely disparaging of my discussing my personal experience, to the extent of ridculing me and mocking disbelief (I particularly liked the unicorn comment although I appreciate that wasn't yours). I'm 55.

FloraFox · 07/09/2014 19:47

emsyj how despressing. I heard once "I don't see why I [male partner] should have to support another man's family" re women being employed. I've also heard "men need more money to support their families". I remarked that I didn't know communism was alive and well in the City.

Thehissingofsummerlawns · 07/09/2014 19:50

I don't believe I have said anything personal against you- I have been discussing what i think about the recruitment practices at your work.

and that wasn't addressed to you anyway. I was talking about the young lawyer up the thread who was being extremely rude to Flora.

Thehissingofsummerlawns · 07/09/2014 19:51

Sorry that was to Phaedra

FloraFox · 07/09/2014 19:55

emsyj this is part of the structural discrimination that prevents women succeeding at work. Men are not allowed to make any time for their families which means women have to take on all that responsibility. This isn't good for men or women.

RufusTheReindeer · 07/09/2014 19:59

Same sort of thing happened with my husband

Large firm I had stopped working and ds1 was very little, DH didn't want to work obscene hours and weekends and they made life very uncomfortable for him until he left

emsyj · 07/09/2014 20:19

I wouldn't say I feel underemployed - I'm on a graduate scheme and work for a government department. The training programme I am on will enable me, should I wish in the future, to return to the private sector very easily. I may do so once the children are grown up. Of course, my salary is vastly reduced but that is because I have chosen to start again from the bottom rather than try to find the elusive gold dust that is a flexible and family friendly legal role! I could, I suppose, have applied for a job as a civil service lawyer but location-wise that doesn't really work for me - it would be a long and expensive commute to the nearest location where there are GLS jobs.

PhaedraIsMyName · 07/09/2014 20:24

Hissing you analysed everything I said to the nth degree determined to find evidence that our selection process was unfair.

Actually a lot of time and effort was put into deciding the method . A lot of time is put in reading all cvs, giving all applicants an opportunity to be interviewed in what is actually a very relaxed setting with all the current trainees present to mix and mingle as well and answer questions. We took the view it was fairer to see everyone rather than picking the best on paper cvs.

However the failure of the education system to provide all able young people to get to the point where they submit a cv is apparently my fault according to you and Buffy.

They need a degree, even an indifferent one before I can consider offering them a job. The days of qualifying as a working apprentice via a Law Society apprentice without a law degree are long gone.

Thehissingofsummerlawns · 07/09/2014 20:25

emsyj good for you. I have small children and had to retrain too and it took me about 5 years to sort out working around the family thing successfully.

Thehissingofsummerlawns · 07/09/2014 20:32

phaedra Nothing I said to you was personal, I am interested in structural discrimination and was discussing it with you and other people. If you don't like talking about it- then maybe don't talk about it?

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 07/09/2014 20:35

Phaedra, I do wonder if you've been reading all replies to your posts properly.

FaultlesslyFootloose · 07/09/2014 20:47

I'd rather concentrate on the substantive content of my work, as opposed to wringing my hands about what might or might not happen.

I'm a bit surprised that the claimed senior lawyers above are rightly concerned about sex and race discrimination, but blithely make dubious age discriminatory problems to me, under the excuse of being patronising. Not that I'd be that bolshy in a work setting, but I found it a tad surprising.

Hissing you analysed everything I said to the nth degree determined to find evidence that our selection process was unfair.

That is actually fair comment and it is a stylistic trait of yours Hissing and therefore rather predictable. In that you set out with an end in sight that you work towards, as opposed to a neutral perspective reaching reasoned conclusions. I don't mean that in a purely academic sense, I would imagine it might make life a bit easier for the other side in a contentious setting if you don't plug all gaps as it were. Perhaps I do you a disservice and you are not one-dimensional in real life, but it wasn't particularly impressive to read as it was so unrelentingly determined to be dismissive and it therefore seemed to be a little unconvincing in places.

And to be frank, if you aren't capable of impressing at an informal social interview setting such as meeting over drinks once you've graduated, then how on earth are you going to deal with clients?

Thehissingofsummerlawns · 07/09/2014 21:07

Perhaps I do you a disservice and you are not one-dimensional in real life

haahahahahah!

PhaedraIsMyName · 07/09/2014 21:13

Yes Sabrina . I have been reading the replies. Buffy and Hissing in particular have been determined to find fault.

Apparently other women's experiences can contribute to the debate but not mine.

PhaedraIsMyName · 07/09/2014 21:15

so unrelentingly determined to be dismissive and it therefore seemed to be a little unconvincing in places.

That sums it up exactly.

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 07/09/2014 21:28

I'm a bit surprised that the claimed senior lawyers above are rightly concerned about sex and race discrimination, but blithely make dubious age discriminatory problems to me, under the excuse of being patronising.

Hang on, didn't you scathingly say to Flora that she must be over 50?

Phaedra - as I've constantly asked you from the beginning: Does the fact the you perceive you have not suffered discrimination mean that no women have suffered discrimination?

I am always very pleased to hear of progressive companies, I know they exist. But there is still systemic sex discrimination in an awful lot of companies and industries- and Law does seem to be one of them. Many women on this thread have said so - you are dismissing their experiences. You can admit their experiences are valid even if you don't feel you've experienced it yourself.

FloraFox · 07/09/2014 21:36

Fault. I'm a bit surprised that the claimed senior lawyers above are rightly concerned about sex and race discrimination, but blithely make dubious age discriminatory problems to me, under the excuse of being patronising.

So many problems with this statement, both in substance and form.

RufusTheReindeer · 07/09/2014 21:52

I am not as clever as most of the women on this thread nor as educated or knowledgable

But even I would have stopped digging the hole fault is persisting with

FaultlesslyFootloose · 07/09/2014 21:52

Yep FloraFox I type faster than I think and its late on a Sunday night and I should be working. Substantively however it is on dubious ground to make comments regarding the importance of someone's contributions related to their age. What is your output ie what is it that you seek to achieve by your latest contribution, and have you done so? Because its not terribly clear, unless it is point scoring on an internet site. And surely you would have a higher aim than that, considering the content of your previous postings.

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 07/09/2014 22:03

I can't speak for Flora, but I know her well from the FWR board - her aim is quite clearly to speak for equality for women.

FloraFox · 07/09/2014 22:05

Fault perhaps you can explain to phaedra how much value you place on her contribution given she is over 50? You do seem to think being over 50 is relevant to the discussion.

FaultlesslyFootloose · 07/09/2014 22:14

So why is Flora so intent on putting women down? Does she only like them to be victims?

And seriously, how much work can you do if you spend time on an internet site? I really don't have time for this, I have to work.

PhaedraIsMyName · 07/09/2014 22:15

Sabrinna apart from possibly you I have had posters insisting I have been discriminated against when I haven't;

Insisting that interesting work is always allocated to men (that was the do I travel to work on a unicorn comment);

Insisting that a recruitment policy designed as far as we possibly can to give every applicant a chance to be heard is discriminatory;

Buffy finally conceded it wasn't but then went on an attack that we should engage with schools ( which we actually do )

Almost none of my real life experiences have been accepted as valid or indeed in the case of the person who made the unicorn comment, even true.