Am I going too far re snappy dog?

[LapsedTwentysomething]

I have posted about this before but it's ongoing and significant at the moment due to a family event.

My DM has three sisters. We have always been quite an involved family and my DD loves her great aunts, one in particular who had until the incident described always given her a lot of playful attention.

18 months ago, at a family party at that particular aunt's home, her very spoilt dog tried to bite my cousin's DD, then aged two, in the face. Luckily she jumped back and the dog missed her. Despite my cousin's insistence that her DD had simply been walking past it was dismissed by my aunt as her having provoked him and him reacting . Regardless, my view is that the dog can't be trusted around children. I suspect it was partly disgruntled because family mebers who had been drinking had been using the dog's squeaky toys to amuse my cousin's baby.

I really feel that if a dog has form for biting, it can't be trusted around children at all. The following week I called ahead of another celebration at the same house to ask whether my aunt would mind closing the dog away. She was a bit snotty about it but replied that of course he would. We went along and the dog, plus other guests' dogs were lose. Another aunt (also a dog lover) seemed to be making a point of playing with the baby at floor level, with the dogs jumping around him.

The incident really opened my eyes to the risks of any dog being unrestrained around small children and I made the decision we simply couldn't risk visits any more, including the other aunt who has two dogs running freely and insists on feeding my DCs crap crisps and biscuits while they are around. She has refused point blank to do anything to restrain her dogs, who are even allowed on the dinner table and fed there by the family.

To cut a long story short this has led to our exclusion from family events. There was another big one last night at the house with the snappy dog. However my cousin took her DCs along and doesn't seem as concerned about the risk as I do. This makes me question myself. AIBU? Should I let it drop now?

My feeling is that the risk is still as great as it was 18 months ago and that when adults are drinking and going off to play with the kids without paying full attention, it's not safe.

I also feel that given our exclusion during a tough year (my DM has advanced cancer) I am ready to cut ties.

But am I overreacting?

YANBU. I have a Labrador that we got when ds3 was 3 months old. They are both now 8. He is the gentlest, sweetest dog I have ever met and I have had dogs all my life. Only in the last couple of years have I left ds and the dog in the same room together unsupervised and if ds has friends over or dsd's toddler is here the dog goes outside or in the kitchen. I am 99.9% sure he is safe but wouldn't take a chance.

YANBU not to go to the events with dogs. Especially since they didn't even take precautions when holding your baby (I think I read somewhere dogs don't see babies as humans/part of the pack and so they are more likely to bite).

YABU to take it personally, and not to socialise at the other events eg Christmas pub do, and especially not to go the events at your mum's.

I can see that yes that would make her life difficult, and I think her brother therefore has a point. She must have said something to him (but perhaps didn't feel up to talking to you about it - you're obviously rather over-sensitive about all this so I can see why).

Given her diagnosis, I think it would be kind to get over it for her sake and at least go to the dog-free events, even if you don't feel up to inviting them to yours.

YANBU about the dogs. I agree it's sensible to keep your DC away from them as your aunts seem intent on placing the dogs above the welfare of small children near their dogs. Also agree that some dog owners seem to regard their dogs more as their children than as pets, and it sounds like this may be the case with your aunts. I always get a bit when I come across dog owners calling themselves mummy or daddy in relation to the dog.

However, refusing to go to dog free events and cutting off contact with them altogether seems to be taking it a bit too far.

frankly your aunt's are idiots as is your cousin.

I have a small terrier and a 1 yo, my dog takes an inordinate amount of abuse from dd (and dsc's) and has never shown any aggression however if anyone visiting asked me to shut her away as they had had a bad experience or were simply not a fan of dogs then she would be shut in the kitchen or put on her tether in the garden.

she is a pet not a child and child trumps pet every time

YANBU about not wanting to go to your aunts or dog friendly events - that's entirely your choice and rightly so ,but your attitude towards your family is VU . Whether you like it or not your aunts dogs are ,to them ,family and to say you don't want them to do anything for your DCs birthdays because they don't prioritise them the rest of the time is frankly childish and behaving like a spoilt brat .

YADNBU. I have two dogs, both seniors, and one is now 11 with very poor eyesight, although she is otherwise in excellent health and very energetic. Anyway, when DS1, now three, learnt to bum shuffle (and when dog's eyesight was a lot better) she nipped him on the nose. We were devastated and were on the fence about re homing. Flash forward two years, and now DS2 is seven months and presumably on the verge of moving, I am starting to feel a bit worried. Said dog didn't go for my son ever again, but it's back to being diligent at all times, and yes, we always put dogs in another room when guests with kids come over. Far as I'm concerned, it's the polite thing to do.

Yanbu re the dogs but I think yabu and a bit petulant to refuse all other social engagements with them on this basis.

What exactly is the problem with attending events the dogs won't be present at?