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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Man leering at teenage DD

47 replies

lucydaniels4658 · 30/08/2014 22:58

DD is 14 but doesn't look it (looks much younger) . Anyhow a local man has been making DD feel uncomfortable . DD says he is around 30 but he stares at her and if she looks in his direction he kisses the air at her. He also sat next to her on bus (i know not criminal) but as they were only 2 on the bus its odd. He hasn't spoke to her just stares and blows kisses . His flat is next to the bus stop she says he blows kisses through the window and is quite creeped out. She was also creeped out as she went to another town and he was there in several shops she was and where they had lunch (could be a coincidence i know).I don't know what to do ! As he hasnt spoken to her would police do anything or even listen?

OP posts:

Fairylea · 30/08/2014 23:00

Personally I'd ring 101 and report it. It doesn't sound quite right at all to me and if he is already on a register they will pay him a visit and watch him more closely.

BOFster · 30/08/2014 23:02

I would certainly call 101. What a fucking creep!

londonrach · 30/08/2014 23:03

Ring 101

Devora · 30/08/2014 23:03

I would call 101 too. Good luck.

BOFster · 30/08/2014 23:05

I'd look into ways for her to avoid this bus stop as well. He sounds like a stalker, tbh.

Dieu · 30/08/2014 23:05

Yuk. He actually sounds not right in the head.

dawndonnaagain · 30/08/2014 23:06

Agree, 101, it's inappropriate behaviour and somebody needs to let him know.

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2014 23:06

I'd ring 101 too, totally unacceptable.

He's fucking stalking her isn't he?

It always looks like coincidence at first, but start keeping a record of when he's hassling her and you'll see that it's not (not that it sounds as though it is anyway).

I've got a nearly 14 YO DD and I wouldn't be happy with this happening to her at all.

HoneyTits · 30/08/2014 23:07

Urgh! You poor dd.

I think she's going to have to not look in his direction if she can help it. Stare straight through him if she has no choice but to look his way.

Help her perfect a confident air even if she's shaking like jelly inside as he probably gets a kick out of making her feel uncomfortable. Arsehole!

WorraLiberty · 30/08/2014 23:08

Poor thing

Yes, I'd either speak to him myself or ring 101

The latter suggestion is probably the best.

Fairylea · 30/08/2014 23:10

Make sure when she uses the bus that she sits near the driver. Could she get on and get off the bus a stop earlier / later?

I had someone stalk me when I was about that age and it was horrible. I walked back from school across a park once (my usual route, busy park) and he seemed to appear from nowhere and walked with me all the way home. I purposely walked past my house to the local shop so he didn't know where I lived. I then waited in the shop and called a friend to come and meet me. It was awful.

The worst thing was how incredibly weird he was. He'd be talking "normally" and then all of a sudden say something like "so how about sex?" And I'd just laugh it off really embarrassed. As it escalated he flashed me once and I got home in tears and called the police (well my mum did) and we drove round in the police car looking for him and never found him, never saw him again.

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2014 23:15

Thing is with giving her a lot of advice about what she can do herself, (which although it's good in that it'd make her feel as though she has some control over the situation), is that it makes her feel as though she's provoking it somehow.

That there's something she's doing/not doing that's making him act like that around her.

We know she's not, but when you're in that situation you can't help asking yourself 'why me?'.

bellarations · 30/08/2014 23:21

Oh how horrible. At least she has told you. I would mention it to the non emergency police (can't recall the number) and get some advice. Maybe keep a diary of this.

BOFster · 30/08/2014 23:35

I do see what you're saying, AgentZigzag- any practical advice should definitely go alongside a clear message that this man's behaviour is totally unacceptable and entirely his issue. It's certainly worth trying to help her feel safer though, and it should be backed up by talking to the police.

DoJo · 30/08/2014 23:37

Whilst I completely agree with this, I also think that being aware of her safety should be paramount. Knowing that it isn't her fault won't help if he escalates his interest, whereas being next to the bus driver or avoiding standing around outside his flat wherever possible could prevent a confrontation which has to be a priority.

BOFster · 30/08/2014 23:38

Bella, how can you not recall the number? It's suggested on mumsnet every time we smell a fart that offends us .

Still, definitely appropriate advice in this situation.

Original poster

lucydaniels4658 · 30/08/2014 23:42

Thanks everyone i will call 101 . So creepy feel like visiting him myself as its pretty obvious she is a child so gross how some people think its ok to openly leer at teenagers.I was in town with DD she was walking just ahead as im not quite cool enough to walk alongside her and a group of builders were wolf whistling at her. I did comment they all shut up !

OP posts:

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 30/08/2014 23:42

Please tell your DD never to worry about causing a scene if he is ever around her. She can be rude, loud or whatever in the interests of her personal comfort and safety. He sits next to her on an otherwise empty bus? She gets up and moves, forcing her way past if necessary. This is really important-not to feel inhibited by convention or what others might think. If she is uncomfortable or worried she should act.

AgentZigzag · 30/08/2014 23:52

Don't confront him yourself lucy, the police should take it seriously, and if they don't then keep going back until they do.

If he's doing it to your DD chances are he's a nuisance to other girls too, the police might already know about him.

I know DoJo, and agree with what you've said as well as what I've said, it's such a fine line isn't it? Empowering them to know they shouldn't be treated like this at the same time as teaching them basic safety.

Part of me thinks why should she change her fucking behaviour (same as being bullied) and another part that she needs to keep herself safe by learning the lessons other people have learnt to their cost.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 31/08/2014 00:01

Absolutely make sure she understands that she does not need to be quiet about this. Make a fuss. Make loud comments telling him to back the fuck off. He's counting on her not being confident enough to speak up and move away and draw attention to herself.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2014 00:08

I encho what everyone has said, please speak to the Police, this sounds like stalking.

Original poster

lucydaniels4658 · 31/08/2014 00:19

It has only been once he was in the same place.The rest of the time its local as he is literally 2 minutes away.I have told her to be very loud and if he approaches her at bus stop or comes anywhere near to run into the shop (the bus is outside a busy shop) . She has just informed me her friend shouted a few obscenties at him today as he stared over.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 31/08/2014 00:23

'She has just informed me her friend shouted a few obscenties at him today as he stared over.'

That's the attention he's looking for though, (even though I'd want to/and have done the same)

Not that ignoring him is a guarantee that he'll fuck off.

Charitybelle · 31/08/2014 08:51

So sad that the next generation are having to put up with the same bullshit from creepy men that women have been enduring for time immemorial. When is this crap going to stop?!

HappyAgainOneDay · 31/08/2014 09:02

LucyD What use are obscenities? That puts the speaker on the same level. Well, not quite but ykwim.

What's wrong with, "Go away or I'll call the Police?"

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