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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To question the Social Worker/Children's Services...

46 replies

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 21:20

I have name changed and fuzzed the details also going to be deliberately a little vague so as not to be recognised.

My ex wife and I have a son whom we share the care of. No previous issues, no previous Children's Services involvement, normal family then normal separated parents.

My son (8 years old) claimed his mum had assaulted him and had a bruise where he said he was hit. I called Police and they informed Children's Services who both contacted me for statements and informed me they both had to complete investigations into the allegation. I stopped all contact whilst this happened.

Two weeks later Police state not enough evidence to prosecute, understandably. So no more Police involvement.

Social Worker was allocated and came to visit us- all fine, he spoke with my son and told me his story was clear and consistent. He told me he had spoken with my ex and that she admitted to hitting him but she said it wasn't hard and was physical chastisement for bad behavior. She was given "advice" about the appropriate use of smacking and that it was inappropriately disproportionate in this instance.

Social Worker stated that his report is finished and that my son is not at risk of systematic abuse or significant harm in his Mums care and therefore contact can start immediately. I took his advice and reinstated contact. Son was very keen to see his mum, no bad feelings, no problems.

Son comes back from first weekend with his mum stating she had hurt him again. Not a hit this time, that she kicked him hard and that it hurt enough to make him cry. He has no mark but he is adamant it was purposely done not an accident. He doesn't appear to be lying, he is bright and articulate and explained it in great detail.

I contacted Social Worker who said if he had been kicked hard enough he would have a mark. I asked him if I should disbelieve my son and he said that was up to me but that he had already spoken with my ex and his report states my son is not at risk of harm with her. I questioned him and said but that was before this new allegation and since this second allegation he has neither spoken to me properly, spoken to my son, made a report about it or spoken to my ex... and I was brushed off. I have asked him to come and speak with my son so he can see he is not lying and has not been told or coached to make this accusation by me but I am waiting for him to get back to me.

Does this sound right? Should I just accept the Socials Worker's decision and ignore my son saying his mum has hurt him? What if he makes another accusation, will that be ignored too.

I would like to point out that I am not after stopping my son seeing his mum, I am not looking to gain full residency or any other agenda here. I am just concerned and so confused as what to do.

Would I be unreasonable to call Children's Services tomorrow and ask another Social Worker to hear me out and tell me if they think it sounds correct? I would in effect be questioning the Social Worker - is that likely to go down very badly?

Any advice would be great - especially if perhaps someone here works for Children's Services or has been in similar situation.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/08/2014 21:30

That sounds dreadful. I would definitely contact another social worker.

Why don't you want to gain full residency if you believe your son is being abused?

HappyAgainOneDay · 30/08/2014 21:35

Did your Ex hurt your son before you separated?

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 21:43

Worra. Perhaps my post wasn't quite clear. I was trying to explain that I have no motivation for wanting this to be true or for wanting to unnecessarily stop contact, no bad feelings between us as such no motivation for me to want to "get back" at her or anything like that. I want it looked into and investigated. If she is doing this to him then I would of course want full Residency.

I currently have no grounds for full residency. The Social Worker's report that has been sent to the Court already states just the initial allegation, that it has been substantiated but explained by his mum as chastisement for bad behaviour and that the Police are not prosecuting. Social Worker recommended contact is reinstated immediately and son is not at risk.

No new report or investigation for a new, different, allegation.

Happy. No, she has never hurt him that I know of. She has a bad temper, angry outbursts, has thrown things, slams doors etc but never hurt him.

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PiperRose · 30/08/2014 21:48

Call and ask to speak to the Social Worker's manager. They will not automatically assign you a different worker, but they don't like complaints so the chances are they will. Also when the SW first visited he should have left a leaflet about how to complain. Good luck.

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 21:51

This is the odd thing. We have not had any paperwork at all from Children's Services, not through the post or from the Social Worker. He didn't explain what report he was doing, timescales or anything. I had to call the dept to get this at a later stage.

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WorraLiberty · 30/08/2014 21:52

Oh I see, that makes sense.

I definitely wouldn't let this drop

Your child sounds very mature and honest. He's had the courage to speak up a second time and for him to be ignored, well I can't imagine the damage that could potentially cause.

Nerf · 30/08/2014 22:01

Well, I would tell my son that he should talk to his teacher or a trusted grown up as well as you because that removes the 'separated vindictive parent' accusation you seem to be worried about. It will also allow someone else to tell social services?
Kicks would leave a mark, surely?
Does he do anything else to play you off? Because the best was to get one over mum is to tell you she hurts him.

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 22:09

The thing that worries me most I are casual way he mentioned the kick. He didn't tell me until two days later- he mentioned it casually. I don't want to interrogate him but I have sat him down once and asked him to tell me it in details, where he was, what they were doing, why he thinks she done it. He has said she's done it before and it's for no reason.

I'm not sure if a kick would definitely leave a mark. It was 4 days after it happened when he told me. There was no bruise but I can't imagine it takes a very hard kick to hurt a small child's leg.

He's never told lies like this. Has no reason to play us off and hasn't before. We aren't on bad terms so he isn't trying to win affection or attention from me by saying bad things about her. He still wants to see her so it's not cause he doesn't want to go there.

I don't want to believe it, of course I don't. But he should be ignored. What you've said is right- I will take the advice and get him to tell a teacher as I realise it sounds like I've made it all up- unfortunately for me and him i haven't made it up, so there's a real chance this could be true.

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WorraLiberty · 30/08/2014 22:22

I think telling a teacher is an excellent idea too

But I would still speak with SS again, if only to make sure they have a record of your second complaint.

No way should they ignore the poor lad.

Nerf · 30/08/2014 22:26

Sorry, didn't mean to sound like I didn't believe you, just thinking and typing.
My ds was encouraged by me to see teachers as people he could trust (and we had a chat about who would be a good person to talk to) generally and it worked well for him.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/08/2014 22:28

Oh dear. You must have copies of assessments. This social worker doesn't sound very professional. If they have closed the case I would be tempted to go back to the duty and assessment team and make a new referral rather than contacting the social worker directly.

UpUpAndAway123 · 30/08/2014 22:30

I second asking to speak to the SW's manager to voice your concerns. Maybe speak to the school nurse as well who should be experienced in safe guarding and can offer advice/take things further. Are you on speaking terms with your ex? Has she said anything?

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 22:32

Ehric. I have had not one single sheet of paperwork from the Social Worker. I asked repeatedly for the report/assessment and have been told parents aren't provided with a copy it goes to the Court. If I want to see it myself I have to ask for a date protection disclosure and it takes 40 days. This can't be right can it? I would above though reports on parents and about their children are copied to the parents. Nothing about my parenting was been assessed or questioned so it's not as if I can't see it because these a police investigation into me or anything I've done.

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bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 22:33

I considered calling tomorrow as I know the social worker only works Mon-Fri and it will be a duty SW answering tomorrow. I wonder if they would come out? Or is it only immediately urgent cases they will deal with. I'm worried they'll just leave a message for the allocated SW for Monday

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EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/08/2014 22:36

No it's completely wrong. Have they done a section 47 or a section 7 report? Why is it going to court at all? All sounds very fishy. You need to call and speak to the SW manager. Don't be fobbed off. Don't bother calling tomorrow, wait til Monday.

fluffyduffydoo · 30/08/2014 22:37

can I ask you one thing please

Did you ever suggest to your son that his mum may be abusive?

It's just I've seen this escalate between a separated couple I know and the child actually lied about being mistreated to make his mum happy

Do you think it's maybe his way of saying 'could I just stay with you more as I don't enjoy the time mum?

If she's hurting him do everything you possibly can to prevent it from happening again x

wellcoveredsparerib · 30/08/2014 22:42

OP, please clarify what is being decided at court? Who made the application and why?

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 22:43

Ehric. They've done a core assessment and a Section 47. I only know this because I called the office after he had been and asked as he at no point told me what was happening. I have no idea what they entail except from what I've found googling. They checked my ex's criminal record (clean) but SW refused to check her medical records for Mental Health issues and said he has no power to ask for a Mental Health Assessment. So their investigation was a chat with her and visiting her home and coming to visit me and my son in my home ...

As for being at Court, it's family Court not criminal Court. When my son came home and said she'd hit him I applied immediately to Court to have the Court Order we have varied so that I didn't have to return him to his mum whilst SW and Police did their investigations as otherwise I'd be in breach of our Court Order. I know it wasn't totally necessary given the welfare concerns but I wanted to ensure I was acting totally reasonably. The Court hearing coming up next week is following on from my urgent application to access whether the old order should now be reinstated. The SW won't look into the new allegation so it will be reinstated as there no risk of significant harm as per his report which has been provided to the Court.

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bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 22:46

Fluffyduffy. I was really careful not to discuss the initial allegation. He had to speak to Police, do an interview etc but we never mentioned it at home and haven't since. I didn't see the point in bringing it up again given she was cleared and SW was happy she wasn't a risk to him. When he came back I didn't ask if she's hit him or anything just carried on as normal.

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MiscellaneousAssortment · 30/08/2014 22:46

I wouldn't be surprised by no paperwork and incomplete procedures etc, in my experience you have to educate yourself about the process and find out hat should have been done when, and then push hard for it. Underfunded and over stretched resources create situations where low level abuse or unclear situations get deprioritised. It's rubbish for all concerned.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/08/2014 22:48

Ok well you should have seen the core assessment and section 47 if it wasn't included in the CA. Don't you have a solicitor? They should be helping you with this if social services are being shit. You can't go to court with neither you nor the solicitor having read the reports! Please take this further, they can't withhold your report from you.

fluffyduffydoo · 30/08/2014 22:50

Surely if you as a person were with her long enough to create a child you'd know whether or not she had 'Mental Health Issues' ?

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 22:53

Fluffy. She has a history of mental health issues causing stress and anxiety. This was wars ago though. I was concerned she was struggling again but not telling anyone. We aren't together and we are amicable and friendly but not friends so I wouldn't know about her current situation. It wasn't an insult to her or anyone with Mental Health problems.

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wellcoveredsparerib · 30/08/2014 22:53

You definitely should have been given a copy of the core assessment. Request a copy on Monday and it may make things clearer.

bustrainwalkwalk · 30/08/2014 22:56

Sorry Ehric- what is a CA?

I don't have a solicitor I am representing myself. I'm fine to do that for family Court , had previous family Court hearings although some years ago but I'm ok with speaking and explaining. I am going in blind without the reports from SW. It's my hesitant as the applicant so I have to suggest what contact I would like put in place and why but the default in the absence of any concerns from Chikdren's Services would be reinstating the old contact Order. She wants that and without anything from SW regarding the recent allegation I will be powerless to stop that happening.

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