To ask you to share positive stories about small age gaps...

[Keepontrudging]

I am positing here mainly for traffic. Sorry if this offends anyone!
I am due dc2 in Jan and cannot wait for our wee family to be complete. Sadly, the general feeling from a fair few folk is it will be VERY hard. I know it will- dd will be 20 months, so I know it is going to be rathe rtough at times! Many are positive too. I would just love to hear positive feedback - and possible tips!- from others who have actually done this. Even if you say it was bloody HARD but... that would help :)
I have heard enough of how hard it will as it is, so really just hoping for some of the good stuff! :) :) :)
TIA! X

I have a 20 month gap between mine. I am currently snuggling DS2 (7 weeks) on the sofa while DS1 brings me toy cars :) it's nice. DS1 totally loves his brother and there doesn't seem to be any jealousy. Not saying there isn't hard bits, we have an hour every evening where DS1 needs to get dinner and ready for bed and DS2 has a screamy hour

Can't comment on the practicalities I'm afraid but another perspective for you is that there are 18 months between my brother and I and we were very very close growing up.
Every baby and family set up has its challenges but you will be fine and watching them grow up together will be amazing.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

My sister and I were born 15 months apart. it must have been hell for our mother but it was fab for us. We were often taken for twins when were little. We played together and shared the same friends until we were in our mid-teens. We've always been as thick as thieves and now that we're middle-aged it's still the same. She's absolutely lovely and if we weren't related I'd like to think I'd be lucky enough to have her as my best friend and I sincerely hope she thinks the same of me.

Dd1 was 11 days short of 2 years, ds1 was 22.5 months when dts arrived. So there's pretty much a two year gap each time.

Pluses: you probably won't have got rid of all the baby stuff yet - ds2 is in our original cot. We still had things like Moses basket bouncy chair, high chair plus a gazillion items of clothing. So the financial savings are pretty decent.

Cont:

The close gap meant I'm a bit more chilled out about things. I've not quite forgotten what did/didn't work with the older children.

I've been able to spend much more time with them at a younger age than we'd originally thought. Most childrens activities we can do as a family, particularly children's centre ones as mine still come in their age bracket as a whole. My sister has 5 years each between her 3 so finding something a 3, 9 and 14 year old can do is a challenge.

They play together quite nicely at times and the eldest at now 6 is quite adept at lending a hand when she chooses!

Cons: they can fight like cat and dog (but then so can most siblings).

You need a vehicle you can fit 2-3 of the same type of car seat in during the early years at least.

A young vocabulary can be a challenge when you're in unfamiliar surroundings and trying to maintain control (twins on reins and the older two skipping ahead blissfully unaware of what's going on around them?)

I like my age gaps and I'm sure things will only improve as the children get older. Or at least the challenges of the older ones will still be fresh in my mind and I'll have pile of clothes to hand down.

22 months between ours, it was tough and it was really helpful to maintain DD's nursery while on mat leave (employer maintained childcare vouchers even when I wasn't getting paid!) I would say it is tough going but it goes so fast and the benefits definitely outweigh the negatives. I can't believe it's that much easier with a longer gap either! I get as much pleasure from the love my children share as I do from the love I have for them. Dd still (4 in Jan) calls her brother "my " and told me yesterday she loves him the most! They play together, are fiercely protective of each other and love shared books and games. We got Dd a doll and buggy when DS born, she called the doll his name too initially. I found dealing with a baby was easy second time round, it was the toddler that was tricky but that may have been the case even without a younger sibling. We used the local sure start stay and play a lot too..the staff were really helpful when torn two ways and even walked me home and had helpful advice when I left in tears one day.

3 under 5 here! DD3 is 8 weeks. DD2 2 years, DD1 4.

It's actually easier than I was panicking about. Ok I'm tired and there is a lot of synchronised screaming at times but you just need to be rational about it. Deal with 1 thing at a time, crying doesn't hurt them.

Have strategies in place ready eg stairgates so if you need the loo you can keep the baby safely away from rough handling by toddler.

OP, 11 months between my two and the worst was actually being pregnant with 2nd and still having to cope with a young first baby (lots of lifting and carrying ). Had a lot of pelvic pain and didn't enjoy 2nd pregnancy much at all, very tired and sore. Didn't help that had no family around and DH worked away during this time. OP, as there will be 20 months between your two, hopefully you won't have this problem.

On the upside, both children got on well together and are best of friends now. It was all worth it .

Tabby- this pregnancy has been hard, we have had a high risk for downs and also fluid around babies heart, plus possible growth concerns. Finally everything is looking ok now- we had the all clear for the downs and baby is growing fine thus far. There is still fluid, they will have to keep an eye, but are not too concerned ! I am also on mess for anaemia and thyroid , so I have been VERY tired. So yeh- the pregnancy has been mentally and physically extremely hard this far- but I am hoping it will now get easier! (Please god!)

I also didn't mention me and my brother have 11 months between us, Irish twins haha. So I am aware how close you can be, we argue to this day- but are VERY similar and equally as close :) thinking of my daughter and son being the same makes me so excited.

I think maybe my fear came from being in a low place in the pregnancy - it's only past two days I am starting to feel like me again and feel excited again for this pregnancy (as before was just constant worry) after reading all these wonderfully positive stories I feel much more positive about things. Gonna start re potty training earlier too methinks! Thanks for that MRS :) my dd is very advanced and bright for her age so I think as would manage doing it early on - I will wait until she's atleast over 18 months though and just see how she goes. No harm in trying!

Oooh I feel all excited now! Also- really lucky :) thanks again ladies! Oh- and anyone else wanna share please do! As I say I am going to try and save this post so I can refer back to it anytime needed !

I'm sat cuddling my three close in age bubbas. There are 13 months between Ds1 and Ds2, + 20 months between Ds2 + Dd2. They generally get on so well and like the same kind of programmes/stories at any given time. They are very close and although, yes, 3 under 3 was difficult it wasn't for long in the grand scheme of things. Now they are 8 next week, 7 next month and 5, with Dd1 11, the grown up one and dc5 due in April... it's a busy household but we like it that way!

Ds2 was dry at night earliest out of my four because when we took Ds1s nappies away at night Ds2 refused to keep his on! So although Ds1 had been dry during the day for a lot longer than Ds2 they were both completely dry at the same time.

15 months between my two and it was planned. I can't remember very much about my second child's first year but he just slotted in and eventually had same nap time as first child.

We went out every day and, although tiring, we had lots of good times.

Great for getting on well, shared toys/clothes, get lots of attention because people think you have twins. They spend a lot of time in the school playground together.

Down side, my baby is starting school just one year after my eldest so it all seems to happen far too quickly. Also both at a similar developmental stage which has its good points but also you have demands for attention in stereo, they always both seem to want to ask something at the same time!

21 months between my two.

Have to say that I don't remember it being particularly hard.

PFB fairly placid & was happy to "help" with nappy changes by passing stuff & would sit with me with a book or a few toys on bed whilst I bfed.

We quite often used to all nap at the same time!

I was lucky in the area that I lived in that there were toddler groups, a playgroup, park, Drs & supermarket all close enough for PFB to walk to so that PSB went into the pram/pushchair & I didn't need a double buggy.

20 month gap here.

DD is 2.5 and DS is almost 10 months now.

I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel; they eat the same food, at the same time and finally have exactly the same nap time which makes it easier.

Sadly DD has always had zero interest in her brother (no jealousy and no problems, just indifference) but is starting to find him interesting now that he is mobile.

What made it harder was that they're both still in nappies and especially the fact that they were both horrendous sleepers, but it's improving.

Good luck, OP

I had 3 in 18 months (including twins). I wouldn't have it any other way. The sleepless nights and nappies and general mess are condensed into a few years. They fight, but generally they're great mates.

I have 19 months between dd1 and dd2 and 20 months between dd2 and dd3. My expectations on keeping the house clean and tidy have definitely been lowered but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way. We are out everyday (play groups, rhyme time, parks etc) which keeps us all sane and I baby wear dd3 a lot which keeps me hands free for my other 2.

Thanks ladies.

Lisa- I intend to babywear as I like to, and also it will hopefully make things easier. I am also one for always getting out the house but I am bit worried as it will be January when new baby arrives so it will be harder to do things - as I am currently still learning to drive ...

however- I like the idea of having everything 'baby' condensed too :)

Poppy- I think how they sleep makes ALL the difference. A good sleeper makes things ALOT easier. My dd has periods of good sleep and bad sleep. I hope it is good continuously when next baby is here :) Glad things are improving for you.