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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you to share positive stories about small age gaps...

67 replies

Keepontrudging · 30/08/2014 18:59

I am positing here mainly for traffic. Sorry if this offends anyone!
I am due dc2 in Jan and cannot wait for our wee family to be complete. Sadly, the general feeling from a fair few folk is it will be VERY hard. I know it will- dd will be 20 months, so I know it is going to be rathe rtough at times! Many are positive too. I would just love to hear positive feedback - and possible tips!- from others who have actually done this. Even if you say it was bloody HARD but... that would help :)
I have heard enough of how hard it will as it is, so really just hoping for some of the good stuff! :) :) :)
TIA! X

OP posts:

Original poster

Keepontrudging · 30/08/2014 19:41

Like your thinking mrscumbersnatch!

OP posts:

Artandco · 30/08/2014 20:16

Keepon- ds1 was fully trained by 17 months, ds2 by 19 months. However with both I started process early ie once siting say 6months I would put on toilet at bath time, by 10 months I put on toilet every time I changed nappy if near toilet. So by 12 ish months virtually all poo, and half wee was in toilet. So found it much easier a few months later to just ditch nappies and start pants.

We used reusable nappies and I didn't want both in them for an longer than nessesary. I never used potty though as I find them unhygienic, so just held or used toilet seat on toilet

Windywinston · 30/08/2014 22:03

Just had DC2 and there's a 23 month age gap.

The hardest thing for me was recovery from EMCS and dealing with a toddler whilst breastfeeding, but once I was back on my feet we had a blast.

Stupidly I broke my foot and have been in a non-weight bearing cast since dc2 was 8 weeks old (now 12weeks), that's been hard and I've had to accept a lot of help from family.

So the only useful advice I can give is try not to break any bones and you should be fine!

alemci · 30/08/2014 22:08

19 months between my dds, they are 19,20 and get on really well. also have ds who isn't much younger.

you get it over and done with in one swoop.

jaynebxl · 30/08/2014 22:10

Almost 20 months between mine, ds then dd. Wouldn't have it any other way. They are great mates and really love each other, although they do squabble too.

Trickydecision · 30/08/2014 22:28

15 months between our DSs. It was a nightmare as they hated each other. It is fine now when it makes no difference to us whether they get on or not. They are 42 and 41.

ILikeToClean · 30/08/2014 22:48

22 months between DDs and 1 school year, was fine as dd1 doesn't remember a time without dd2 so no jealousy, they were into the same things at the same time so easier for toys etc, also when you go on days out or to cinema you don't have the problem of elder one being able to do things that younger one can't, iyswim? You don't have the problem of getting older one off to school with a newborn as by the time dd1 went to school dd2 was easy to get ready, no worries about her needing a feed etc when it was time to leave. It's easier to have a baby when you're still in baby mode I think, we deliberately had a small gap so I could "get it out of the way" and when I went back to work (p/t) they were both old enough to be easier for MIL!! Now they're 11 (12 next week) and 10 and yes, they bicker but it's lovely that they can watch the same things and be into the same stuff. Even with school work I can remember what dd1 did the year before to help Dd2! They're very close (most of the time!) and I wouldn't have it any other way! A friend has 7 years between hers and she finds it so hard! It'll be great

Notfootball · 30/08/2014 23:16

17 months between mine, we planned it that way as I am a twin and wanted our DCs to always have someone close in age to play either, as I did. Worked out well for them, DC1 has always had DC2 around and they enjoy doing the same things.

Just make sure you remember that DC1 is still a baby when the newborn arrives, if didn't dawn on me how young DC1 was until DC2 reached 17 months.

Peepants78 · 30/08/2014 23:32

There is 14 months between our two. It's been lovely. They shared a room (by choice) until they were 8 and 9. Even 5 years on they still spend a lot of time together. My son learnt from my daughters example, and she in turn learnt to share.
They mainly get on well together, but they do bicker. Mostly because my DD is a little bit bossy like me

One piece of advice I have would be to remember their ages as they grow up. It sounds silly but we often 'forget' that our son is actually a year younger. At times we may have expected more from him behaviour wise, purely based on his sister.

saladfingers · 30/08/2014 23:46

29 months between my 3.To be honest the first few years were a bit of a blur.Now at 7,6 & 5 they play brilliantly together and squabble even better

Golightly133 · 30/08/2014 23:51

I had an 18 month gap between 1 & 2 then a 12 month gap between 2&3 it was fab no dashing to school to organise we it was fab and still is all
Get on like a house on fire teenagers now all in same form at school so close it's great

aubreye · 30/08/2014 23:51

DTs are ten minutes apart.

At school DD2 was getting picked on by somebody and DS2 went straight up to them and told them to stay away from his sister or he might just kick them in the goolies. Aww sibling love.

Golightly133 · 30/08/2014 23:52

Sorry for typos phone playing up

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 30/08/2014 23:54

22 month gap here, DS is 10 and DD 8, they are close, share a room, like going to the same places on days out and holidays, watch a lot of the same TV programmes, enjoy the same books. Also close in age maximises time spent in same nursery and school as each other, so that's easier logistically.

It was quite hard when DC2 was born, but nearly all the mums I got to know when DS was born had a second DC two years later (same for me and my DB too), so it seems very normal to me, I can't imagine having a bigger age gap.

HicDraconis · 30/08/2014 23:54

19 months between my 2 and I was lucky enough for it not to be difficult at all. We did a mix of toddler groups, zoo visits (I bought a family membership card for my year of maternity leave which was a lifesaver), playing at home and when DS1 was older, a couple of mornings a week in nursery.

I also used washable nappies - DS1 went up into the next size when DS2 arrived and I had one drawer in the table for each of them, with separate buckets. DS1 didn't really toilet train until he was after 3 (during which time we'd emigrated to NZ) so had 2 in nappies for a good 2 years.

DS1 doesn't remember a time when he was the only, for him it's as if DS2 has always been around. They were great when they were little, they played together well and had their own games which could keep them amused for hours (one of my favourites involved DS2 dropping a toy from his high chair, DS1 picking it up and putting it back. Repeat for half an hour with lots of giggles!). When DS2 fell over toddling he went to DS1 for cuddles if he was closer and they always held hands around the supermarket.

They are now 6.5 and 8 and each others' best friends and worst enemies :) They're very close - yes there's some rivalry with them being close in age and having very similar interests and friendship groups, but it's never nasty and they both adore helping each other. They have been known to take the flack for each other too :) I'm hoping they'll keep that close relationship as they grow older - we're definitely trying to support and foster it.

There were 5 and 7 years between me and my siblings and my 7-years-older sister is still one of my best friends, so large age gaps work too - I think it just depends on the children.

TheDeathOfRats · 30/08/2014 23:54

18mnths between DD and DS1. 11mnths between DS2 and DS3. They're both very close to each other although, especially with DD/DS1 (as the time DS1's sleep suddenly regressed was the time DD was in full toddler tantrum mode).

slithytove · 31/08/2014 00:24

DS is 17 mo and I'm due any day, watching with interest

Branleuse · 31/08/2014 00:44

its harder in the short term but the long term benefits are so worth it.

ive got 6 years between ds1 and ds2 and then 11.5 months between ds2 and dd.

the two youngest are best friends. At a similar stage in so many things. like the same things.
the first year or two was very hard but the gap between ds1 and the other two seems massive, and managing that dynamic now ds1 is a teenager is much harder

zipzap · 31/08/2014 01:02

There's 14 months between me and my dsis, and it's great, we're close but as kids we were able to do lots of things together, played happily with each others friends, and it was what I was hoping would happen when I had dc.

In the end I had 3 years between them and I hate it - now they are 9 and 6 and although the sometimes get on really well, there's a big difference in what they can do, what they like to do and it is just a pain. They do try to play together but invariably it ends in upset as either the eldest doesn't let the youngest win at anything or tries to boss him around too much or he can't keep up, or the youngest tries to do what the eldest is doing and fails and gets upset as he can't do it.

Watching ds play with his friends and their younger siblings who are just a year younger (well, in the next year down at school) they play together much better, you don't notice the age gap at all. As soon as ds2 tries to join in the whole dynamics of the group changes and it just doesn't work as well.

Very envious that you're getting 2 close together! Congratulations and enjoy!

seasavage · 31/08/2014 01:08

20 months isn't that small! My two are 22 months, 6 & 8 now and they do argue but they are always playing together, decide what 'they' want (and currently tell me they'll get a house together when they grow up awww).
My brother and I are 14 months apart. Equally we were always playing together, stuck up for each other at primary school and relied on each other when we moved across the country. As teenagers we socialised together (regularly). As adults we catch up.

JapaneseMargaret · 31/08/2014 01:12

18 months between DS and DD, and we wouldn't have it any other way. We actively went for this age gap, TTCing when DS was 7 months old.

It was extremely tough in the early days, but it has long since come into its own (they're 5 and 4 now). They're best friends, play together, are into the same things - yes, they squabble sometimes, but they also look out for each other and after each other.

My BF has just had her second with a 5-year age gap, and looking at their set up, we're more convinced than ever that we did the right thing!

RonaldMcDonald · 31/08/2014 01:22

My first two have 13 months between them
They are incredibly close
I had three in three...they get on so, so well together...I hate to think of it as other as they grow

Enjoy it expect it to be lvely and maybe it will be
it still is here

2littleduckies · 31/08/2014 08:28

22 months between DD and DS and I wouldn't change it for the world! They were best friends from day 1, it's easy to find things to do as they are now (3 and 5) at roughly the same stage. In the early days it was a bit of a juggle and as neither we're wonderful sleepers it was tiring. Some days getting them to nap together was great for a break or to get jobs done, other days separate naps meant I could spend time with the other one.

Even at 22months I could involve DD in looking after her brother, helping with his bath, fetching things for a nappy change, choosing his clothes etc. I also have many happy memories of BFing DS whilst cuddling up for a story or doing some painting with DD. A sling was great for keeping hands free and I think I was lucky that DS was quite chilled and happy to sit and watch DD and her friends from a bouncy chair or bean bag for some of the time.

Other things that made life easier: occasional help from grandparents, getting a cleaner, alongside (my natural) low housekeeping standards.

Congratulations and good luck.

albertcamus · 31/08/2014 09:16

We had DS followed by DTDs in 22 months. It was bone-achingly exhausting when the twins were newborns, but once they slept through @ 4 weeks (FF) we began to feel human again. We were always joyful & there was no question of regretting it, it just happened ! They all grew up very closely, there were huge efficiencies of scale and intellectually the girls caught up with DS by the time they were 3, after which it was probably like having triplets. I'm v v proud of them as we had no family help but we were a tight unit :). Wouldn't change a thing. Good luck :)

Ticktockblock · 31/08/2014 09:48

My eldest was 18 months when dd2 was born. I loved having them close together and now they are 7 & 8 and very close. Dd3 will hopefully have just turned 1 when DC4 is due. I'm shitting myself but we'll cope :)

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