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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think using my future baby names is really weird?

36 replies

LiverpoolLou · 30/08/2014 09:01

My dad is not British. When I was with my exh I always said which names I would use for a future boy or girl. Both names are traditional family names from my dad's home country. I recently learnt from exMIL (the only one who has any contact with DD for the past 20 years) that exh has remarried and has two more children, a boy and a girl, who have been given those names. Hmm

Now I know I don't own them and I'm really not bothered from a 'you stole my names' perspective. But isn't it a bit weird when the only connection with that culture and those names is your ex wife? I can't help but wonder if his new wife knows where they come from Confused.

I find it a bit creepy/stalkerish. AIBU?

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 30/08/2014 09:02

Yanbu

Frustrated101 · 30/08/2014 09:11

Yep its weird. If it was a very common name in this country or even if it was just one child but using both of them is odd.

FanjolinaJolie · 30/08/2014 09:14

yes, it is odd IMO. Do you mean that your exDH has no contact with your DD? Is he her father? If so that is appalling.

SpiderTracker · 30/08/2014 09:14

It is weird. My ex (teenage boyfriend/first love) gave his daughter my name. I only found out stalking on Facebook. I find that wierd too. Yours is weirder though.

2boys1girlNoPeace · 30/08/2014 09:25

It is weird.
Does your DD have the same sort of traditional name? Perhaps he is trying to keep the 'theme' going, (wrong word I think, but you know what I mean)
So that DD will feel connected to her Brother and Sister? And vice versa,
Though it's still strange if he has no contact with DD?

Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/08/2014 09:29

Yes he's her father. When we divorced the court agreed with me that he could only have supervised contact. He said if he couldn't see her on his own terms he wouldn't see her at all. That was 20 years ago and there's been no contact ever since. Neither has he paid a penny to her upkeep. She has had sporadic contact with her grandma, uncle and his wife and her cousins.

OP posts:
Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/08/2014 09:30

No DD has a name that MN has taught me is a chav name Blush

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 30/08/2014 11:10

I don't think it's creepy or stalkerish, and there's nothing wrong with using names that originate from a different culture to your own. I understand why you find it a bit unsettling, but I don't think there's anything worth reading into.

I'm sure he will have been thinking about his new children far more than he was thinking about you when he named them, he probably just liked the names. After all, you must have had some things in common at some point.

PhaedraIsMyName · 30/08/2014 11:16

I don't think it's weird or stalkerish. No idea what the names or the culture are but the only thing it says to me is they are unusual but attractive names and it stuck in his mind.

What's more odd is why you didn't use one for your own daughter.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/08/2014 11:19

It is a bit wierd, but presumably there was something he liked about you when you got together, and you heritage may have been part of that.

Andrewofgg · 30/08/2014 11:23

SpiderTracker if yours is a first name in general use there's no saying your exbf used it because of you. My first gf had a name which was also that of a deceased rellie of DW - if we had had a daughter we might have used it. It's a very ordinary name.

Coughle · 30/08/2014 11:26

Is he a bit flaky? Is it possible that he remembered that he liked those names, but didn't remember why, or that you were the one who told him about them?

Or maybe his new wife is from the same culture??

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/08/2014 12:09

Hes probably deeply unoriginal, if he agreed with you those names you give any other children you had, he probably liked them and stuck to those names regardless of the fact you arent the mother to those children.

ikeaismylocal · 30/08/2014 13:42

I don't think it's stalkerish but it's certainly very unimaginative!

Would you be able to tell us what the names are nosy

My ex had a baby recently and called it a name that me and dp nearly used for ds1, I'm now pregnant with ds2 and we have not considered that name because however unlikely it is that our ds2 will meet ex's dc it just feels weird to use the same name.

Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/08/2014 14:51

Would you be able to tell us what the names are nosy

Dónall and Órlaith.

What's more odd is why you didn't use one for your own daughter.

Nothing odd at all. My dad and nana were both alive when she was born. i lost them both shortly after. I hadn't felt the need to cling on to my cultural heritage before that.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 30/08/2014 14:52

I'd think it's very odd. Not least because surely the mother had her own ideas of names, and they are unlikely to have been the same ones if they are unusual and linked to your family's culture!

I can just imagine their convo about baby names

Her: so what names have you thought of for little bump?
Him: (panic!) he hasn't thought at all but has to come up with something quick so says X&Y
Her: ooo those are unusual where did you hear those
Him: XP wanted them as they are from her culture
Her: ooh lovely I like unusual names (where any real person would go WTF we are NOT having your X's favourite names/something so unusual)

phantomnamechanger · 30/08/2014 14:53

how do you pronounce Órlaith?

Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/08/2014 14:55

Like Paula but without the P.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 30/08/2014 15:02

Oh. So like Orla then. Hmm, I thought you were talking MUCH more unusual than that - there are LOTS of Orla's in our primary school & nursery at the moment to be honest, about 6. Did they have the Orla first because its trendy/popular, and the mum liked it - then have Donall to make them seem "linked". Even so I do think its a bit odd - unless he is so flaky he could have forgotten your previous choices?

phantomnamechanger · 30/08/2014 15:03

and what do you know about his new partners family/background?

OutsSelf · 30/08/2014 15:05

My dad's ex-wife called her DD with a subsequent partner my mum's name. She kept my dad's name after they divorced and gave her DD his name too. The DD categorically is not anything to do with my dad. So my Dad's ex-wife's DD is called the same thing as my mum, fore and surname. On her 16th birthday, the ex-wife came into my Dad's shop and ordered a birthday present for her DD, which of course was given by the confused shop staff to my mum. Seriously weird

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 30/08/2014 15:09

Liverpool, I would find it odd. My exH took his new wife, (the OW) on honeymoon to the Maldives. Nothing odd in that, a nice honeymoon location. So nice, in fact, that that was where we had been on honeymoon. Hmm

Maybe some men are just severely lacking in imagination? Wink

ashmts · 30/08/2014 15:14

Yeah weird. One name could be a coincidence but not two. Especially if it's the same spelling. Although I suppose the new partner could have a similar background, the names aren't that unusual.

A bit off topic but surely Paula and Orla/Orlaith don't rhyme? Depends on your accent I suppose but Irish people wouldn't say 'aula', would they?

Original poster
LiverpoolLou · 30/08/2014 15:21

and what do you know about his new partners family/background?

Nothing other than theiy're from Thailand.

OP posts:
squoosh · 30/08/2014 15:22

Very weird indeed.

Is his new partner maybe Irish or of Irish origin?