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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stay in with dd

31 replies

Bambamboom · 29/08/2014 14:27

She's 18 months & can be a very well behaved child. Sometimes. However she's always been active and kind of physically ahead of other kids. She's manic and is very strong minded. Anyway recently her behaviour has been very challenging, we plan days out, nice trips and take her to play areas but she just wants to do things she shouldn't/can't but is too king to understand why I won't let her do it. For example today we had to take her home because we took her to a play area, massive indoor with loads of stuff to do. It was rammed and all she wanted to do was climb UP the slide whilst loads of older kids are waiting to come down. Everytime I tried to take her to the top she went crazy, screaming, kicking and hitting. After about 30 minutes of trying to distract her and entertain her we left, she just wouldn't give up.
It's exhausting and such a shame because I want her to have fun but she gets so angry everytime she can't do exactly what she wants to do and can easily ruin a whole day in tantrums.
I think it's because she doesn't understand why she can't do what she wants to do but I feel so bad for staying in and avoiding busy areas because my child won't behave :(
Hopefully it's just a phase but I feel like such a rubbish mum, kids seem to ruin the plans you make for them.

OP posts:

jopickles · 29/08/2014 14:47

You aren't a rubbish mum kids will be kids and they are just as happy at home or going on walks etc, if you know she will react badly or play up in certain situations then just ease her in (don't stop them altogether or she will never learn) but find other fun activities for her where you and her can have fun. My daughter just loves going for a walk so we go to shops a bit further away but make it fun and see who can spot things first or avoid the cracks in the pavement stuff like that. We both have fun, she gets fresh air and it tires her out what more can you ask for. Once the phase passes or she seems calmer then try again with play centres etc

Original poster

Bambamboom · 29/08/2014 14:53

The walk thing is something we try weekly. She just wants to run off in the opposite direction & throws herself to the floor when you try and take her hand. So it's "buggy walks" for now but it doesn't use up any of this energy she has. Also won't stop hitting, either in excitement or anger- you get the disapproving looks from mothers with well behaved children not that it's enough to stop taking her places just a shame!
Seriously hope it's a stage

OP posts:

browneyedgirl1 · 29/08/2014 14:58

my little one is just the same sympathies op

longtallsally2 · 29/08/2014 15:04

Was going to suggest long walks, but I can see why that wouldn't work. Sympathies OP. Totally agree that you are doing the right thing in going home if she can't handle the rules and requirements for being out. Does she like swimming? It was my saviour with ds2 who loved it. A trampoline for the garden also sounds like a good investment for wearing her out - we started off with a smaller one, and it was very well used.

Best of luck

amotherfuckingquiche · 29/08/2014 15:08

My DD (almost 2) used to be the same. It was really exhausting. Swimming with her turned out to be my saviour. She loves it. I have one of those swimming costumes for her that has floats all around the middle and we put her in it for the first time when she was 18 months. After 2 uses she was off swimming on her own having an absolute ball! She would wear herself out and satisfy the independent want that she had been displaying! Could be worth a try?

jopickles · 29/08/2014 15:08

have you tried reins, I know some people don't like them but she can have a certain amount of freedom on walks but isn't able to run away from you. Swimming is a good idea or as mentioned a trampoline.

amyhamster · 29/08/2014 15:12

don't worry op
the schools go back next week and play gyms etc will be much quieter

plus the toddler groups will start up again which will be more geared towards her age

do you go to any activities like baby rhyme times at your library r children's centre? I found that kind of thing soothed them down a bit and people don't mind if they make a noise

MissCardew · 29/08/2014 15:16

Mine was the same at that age, days out were frequently cut short - it was all hugely exhausting so you have my sympathies.

As previous posters have said, swimming was a good option. I also stayed in and made indoor obstacle courses from soft furniture (no less exhausting though!).
I also found a few large spaces (fields/moors etc) which were fairly empty so he could just run around and tire himself out.
Thankfully, he got a lot better as he got older so there is hope

Original poster

Bambamboom · 29/08/2014 15:51

Thanks for the suggestions. I do take her to groups, she loves
Music groups but struggles to stay sat still for longer than, well 30 seconds? So I tend to be the mum chasing after the manic toddler whilst other children sit nicely! (Although I think most children of her age struggle with sitting through an entire story etc)
I've tried reins, she throws herself to the floor when you put them on and cries until you either carry her or let her loose!
Swimming is great, she loves it but she has turned into miss independent, likes to lob herself in beyond her depth and gets angry when you try and hold her so I may just have to invest in one of those costumes with the floats, only reason I haven't used armbands etc is the lady who runs my babyswim classes says not to as it gives them a "false sense of security" in the water and apparently you have to re teach them how to swim when you remove the floats/armbands but right now I'll do anything for a nice few active hours with dd!

OP posts:

Elvish · 29/08/2014 16:03

I was told that about the arm bands with DD, and honestly maybe it has held back her swimming. But at 13 months she was throwing herself out of my arms in the pool and fighting me. Putting her in armbands meant we could go swimming and she could have her independence so it was worth it for me.

DS is 18 months and at least this time I know it's just a stage we have to go though. Once he is a bit older he will understand instructions and consequences better and will be able to communicate with me more and I will be able to manage going to more places.

You're not a bad mum and it will all be ok in the end!

DizzyKipper · 29/08/2014 16:08

She's not naughty, she's just learning. She also sounds spirited (so is mine). You're not doing anything wrong, just persevere setting limits and helping her to learn what she can't/can't do - it may take a while but you'll get there in the end.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/08/2014 16:19

At this stage they just want to explore at 100 mph. My DD wasn't a docile little flower either, she wanted to follow her big brother all the time. I remember at the park when she was little, took my eyes off her for a moment, someone said is that your DD up there, she'd climbed up a climbing frame in wellies after the bigger kids, my heart was in my mouth.

With respect, the lady who runs the class doesn't have to entertain your DD, why miss out on letting her burn up some energy, if you can put her in a costume with inbuilt floats go for it.

In spite of her energy my DD could get overwhelmed by crowds and noise. If your DD gets over-stimulated she won't take notice of you as quickly as you'd like.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 29/08/2014 16:19

I vote for swimming bands also. She will be safe and will be able to have lots of independence in the water and you will have piece of mind. Arm bands can come off for swimming lessons. The confidence she will have gained in the water may cancel out any negative impact of the arm bands once it comes to learning to swim.

In my experience, the swimsuits with floats don't keep the little ones afloat very well. And even if it did, she would also get same false sense of security as with armbands.

RoseTheHat · 29/08/2014 16:47

18 months is a tricky age - I am struggling with DS at the moment, I so agree about "going for a walk" - more like a few steps, tries to throw himself in the road, flops to the floor if I try and hold his hand, gets put back in pushchair..and repeat!

He is dc2 though, so I know it gets better soon - With DD by 2 I found outings easier (apart from the tantrums) and by 2.5 easier still!

MammaTJ · 29/08/2014 18:49

She's a bit young to link her behaviour with having to leave yet, but she will get it soon enough if you persist.

You are doing the right thing, it will pay off.

Rebecca2014 · 29/08/2014 19:02

I have had to leave the park many times due to my dd obsession with other people balls and refusing to leave the kids alone and having an tantrum. She is now 2.5 and I would say she was a bit better when we go out but it is still hard, when she is out of the buggy she rather run off then stay with me.

It is all normal behaviour and they grow out of it eventually...

ikeaismylocal · 29/08/2014 19:56

I find that walks in big open areas are good, do you have a park or field near you that is enclosed? I take ds out to places with no play equipment, he's 19 months and he just wants to push his physical limits, he jumps down the slide and balances on the bars of the roundabout, if we find a fallen tree or just a hill he can run about pushing his limits but safely and without disturbing or hurting other dc.

Walking up the slide was an issue, ds would try to crawl up the slide when he was about 7 months old and it just took time to teach him not to, I never let him go up the slide even when we are alone at the park because he won't understand why he can't do it when there are other kids there.

BreadForBrains · 29/08/2014 20:13

Oh I have been through this with ds.
I ended up taking him to skate parks when they were empty just so he could charge about at free will. Sticking wellies on him and taking him to a big open field with a Frisbee and a football. Taking him to toddler groups (mainly for my benefit) and apologising for his boisterous ways.
I'd also recommend swimming with armbands - it will be fine :)
And he's 2.9 now and more able to understand (vaguely!) consequences of his behaviour. It's a phase, honestly

Purplepoodle · 29/08/2014 21:15

It's a tricky age. They want to be fiercely independent but have complete lack of common sense. Any redirection of what they want to do results in a complete strop. I'm on my 3rd spirited child and he's like this perhaps more so as he see's his older brothers doing stuff.

Iv found a couple of quiet small play parks that ds can run around in. I tend to go quite early at 9am so he can have the run of the place. Green areas with a ball are great as they can just run. Try soft play during term time as it's much more wee person friendly and cheaper.

Just keep up with your boundaries, she will get there and learn the strops get her nothing but being removed from play/going home ect

maddening · 29/08/2014 21:23

I too followed ds round the library during rhyme time - he got it eventually and has walked nicely for a while now - I can't even remember when it happened but it must have done as he is fine now and although he has had a few tantrums recently he is on the whole well behaved and everyone compliments him on it- just keep with the appropriate disciplining consistently IMO you sound like you're doing that already :)

SarcyMare · 29/08/2014 22:16

i don't know where you live but second the just take her somewhere big that she can run in every direction.

combust22 · 29/08/2014 22:26

I found this really useful in keeping my toddlers walking nicely:
silver-fish.hubpages.com/hub/Preventing-Toddlers-From-Running-Off

eveylikesv · 29/08/2014 22:34

Your dd sounds like my ds, now 20 months. I had to leave playgrounds and parks before because he was insisting on 'playing' with older kids, taking other kids' toys or doing stuff he shouldn't. Every time l tried to take him away or distract he would throw a huge tantrum. I hope it's just a phase as l am struggling to go through the day on my own with him. I am even considering going back to work full time, so l only have weekends to worry about. I hope it gets better for you op, and of course yanbu.

BreadForBrains · 29/08/2014 23:37

combust that's a good link, thanks for posting that.
Even though ds is slightly less of a neanderthal in company, he is still crap at walking along holding my hand, much preferring to either run off into someone else's front garden or simply just sit on the floor
Yesterday, the postman was coming along (at 3pm) as we were on our way out. We had got about 2 houses down before he started his sitting protest and the postman, who recognised him as living at our house, asked him if he wanted to deliver our letters. Sweet man, and ds was so excited, it made the rest of our journey (about 40ft!) to the postbox absolutely trouble free!

Sapat · 30/08/2014 00:39

DD was an absolute pain at 18 months. One of the main reasons I have always worked full time!!!!

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