to think taking an hour to get ready (wash etc) every day isn't OTT?

[GourmetGold]

This is not really something that bothers ME at all, I've always taken about an hour to get ready every day. My hair is longish & fine and if I don't wash and dry it (+ small amount styling with curling tongs) at least every other day it looks greasy/messy.

I wear hard gas permeable contact lenses which need a good clean every morning and I like to wear a bit of make-up (not loads).
I'm unemployed at the moment and before that was doing years of shift work where I worked late and got up about 9/10 am, would do dishwasher, feed pets & any other household stuff, then get washed and ready a few hours after getting up..so maybe I'd be actually washed by midday..ish. So now I'm a bit stuck in that routine. I get things done, but just don't wash as soon as I'm out of bed.

I had an argument with my MIL the other day. I told her that SIL (her daughter) had been, in my opinion, rude to me over something. She became very defensive and angry (okay, guess everyone can do this, I'd be surprised if she didn't, wish hadn't bothered saying anything now).

But she then started to go on about how I was "hardly perfect" (I agreed!)...that I could be horrible...I asked her what she meant by that, on what occasions I'd been horrible.

The only thing she could come up with was that I made my DP's & everyone else's life very difficult by "not getting ready first thing & taking an hour to get ready every day..he always has to wait for you to get ready to go out & if we call to ask if you want to go out with us, we get fed up that you say you'll be ready in an hour".
She went on to say that DP had never complained to her about this...but she was very worried that I "might be making his life very difficult".
I knew that this did annoy her a bit, but didn't know quite HOW angry she was about it!

If MIL very occasionally invites us/me out, it is always a last minute thing...always in the morning, 10 minutes before she's going (we live close by).
I asked why she couldn't just give me more notice..like an hour or two, or day before? She was not impressed with this suggestion and seemed exasperated with me, that I couldn't just be up and ready to go, just in case she ever called.

I don't really understand the logic..what if I were 'up and ready' at 'crack of dawn'..but had made other plans...10 minutes notice is surely not reasonable EVERY time she wants to go out somewhere?

I'm really disappointed to find she seems to think so badly of me over something which seems, to me, really daft.

Their whole family seems a bit obsessed with punctuality and I/we have been made to feel terrible if we are ever 10 minutes late for a family function (once we were blanked & they had eaten all their main meal...we are only 10 minutes late!!), so guess this kind of fits in with that.
I'm really laid back about things like that as it seems so unimportant in the big scheme of things.

Has she got a point, do I sound a bit lazy and is it just me who doesn't get up and straight in the shower, ready really quick and 10 minutes notice to go out every time is completely reasonable.

Sorry really long post (I waffle badly!), don't know why I'm posting, feel bit embarrassed as it's so daft & unimportant

DH takes a good hour to get ready in the morning. He takes a while to "boot" as he puts it. He sometimes does "evening" jobs, such as washing, in the morning, despite me telling him that I'll deal with the washing during the day. So I don't think an hour is unreasonable and your family sound very inflexible with regard to punctuality.

I can hurry up if necessary; I usually shower in the evenings due to having two small children. To get up, have a shower, do contact lenses, have breakfast and brush teeth would take me at least half an hour I think.

I like to have 2 hours on a standard work day to be up and ready to leave the house, but can condense that to 30ish mins if pushed.
If any one was to call me and request my presence I would require 30min plus travel. So uanbur in my mind. If they had plans that involve you they would have the respect to give you adequate notice. You are not beholden to them to be on 10min notice. Unless of course you are forces and missed this out of your post!

I don't see why someone's desire to leave quickly and give people 10 minutes notice for things should take precedence over your desire to plan your day as you want and get ready in the way you like.

YANBU If you have no plans whatsoever when you wake up in the morning, then you should feel free to mooch around the house and get ready in your own time if it doesn't actually affect anybody!

It is their problem if they spring things on you at the last minute and you're not ready! If they want you/your family to go along they should expect to have to wait until everybody is organised and ready to go!

I like to get up and get jobs done around the house, get baby settled, then get myself ready last. If early morning plans are made I adjust my routine so I am ready to go when I need to, otherwise I just slob around if I feel like it!

Being late for prearranged plans is another matter... If that has been the case then YABU.

Anyone who eats their main meal in ten mins is a piggie not someone I'd take time advice from.

MIL is being unreasonable to never/only rarely invite you to do things in advance. And to be upset if you decline or expect you to be ready super quickly.

Lateness/slowness to get ready does really annoy some people (I get fed up with DH for both), but in the scheme of things if that's the worst MIL could think of to moan at you it's not too bad IMO!

(on the ten mins to scoff food thing perhaps it was a pasta or one pot meal in someone's house with a chef like me who gets snippy if people let it get cold and guests who didn't have much to say to each other so glumly slurped it down to get it over with!)

YANBU taking an hour to get ready, I take about 45 minutes to an hour.
YANBU to not get dressed until you're going out, if I'm starting work late I usually do jobs around the house before I get ready so I feel nice and fresh.
Wildrover I hardly think not showering til midday means you are "in your own filth". If I'm expecting someone (even a delivery) I will get showered when I get up but I don't see why OP would change her routine that suits her on the say so of MIL who wants to give 10 minutes' notice to go out.
OP even if you were ready I would suggest you say no, she does sound like a piece of work. Therefore, try not to give her ammunition, be early when you do go to her house as seldom as possible.

I fail to see how it is slovenly to be in your PJs/dressing gown in your own home unless you have visitors yes you BIL and please buy a dressing gown that fits.

DH is a bit like this, everything takes ages where getting ready to go out is concerned and if I don't find something else to do while I'm waiting (as I'm a ready-in-10 sort of person) I find it really irritating waiting for him. He'll announce he has to shower, go to the loo and brush his teeth, so I write off an hour. MIL is the same. I get used to telling them we need to be out of the house half an hour before we do so I don't let others down.

YANBU about taking whatever time you need to get ready.
YA a bit U (seemingly always) being 10 min late if you don't warn her and you know she is very strict with time.
She IBVU not to give some minutes for people to arrive. If you want people for lunch at 12, tell them to arrive at 11:30ish. They won't arrive and immediately sit. Or maybe she meant that lunch was at 12, which meant that people would have to arrive earlier to be there at 12 (like for a movie?).

It may be a communication problem.

As for the 10 min notice, I'd just tell her not to bother with such short notices. You need previous warning or you may simply not be ready/available.

No hair, still give myself an hour to get up and get ready to go to work.

I've always calculated on the basis that one person needs about an hour from getting up to walking out of the door. To me that includes going to the toilet, a shower or quick bath (I don't spend any time styling my hair, it is curly and looks better if I just let it dry naturally), getting dressed, cup of coffee and something to eat, brushing teeth, putting on contact lenses and make-up, picking up anything I need to take with me. I could probably do it in less time but an hour feels natural and reasonable. Unfortunately there are 4 people in my household and in order to get everybody ready in time some of us have to get up earlier than 1 hour before leaving, then are at a loose end for the last part of the time.

Giving you 10 minutes' notice is a bit unrealistic IMO. Assuming you don't have to get ready for work early anyway, there's no point in getting up early and having a shower straight away if you don't know you'll be going out. I would start saying no to invitations with not enough notice - not necessarily saying you're not ready, just "oh sorry, today isn't convenient, if you could give me a couple of days' notice next time I'll see what I can do."

But essentially, you criticised SIL to MIL, MIL sprang to her defence, called you horrible, then had to find something to justify using that word.

If you have no desire for spontaneity in the morning, getting ready for your day at lunchtime doesn't matter. If you'd like to allow for it, be available if a friend called you, or look like you were already up when delivery people knock, then get dressed earlier.

"Wildrover I hardly think not showering til midday means you are "in your own filth"."

Sorry, I'll rephrase. Not showering til midday means walking around in your own dead skin cells, fusty pyjama bottoms or knickers and poo crumbs.

Yum!

I did have a friend once who turned up about 2 hours late for another friend's b day lunch - it was a buffet in a Thai restaurant but a Posh one and really nice. It was a Sunday and when said friend finally turned up they had stopped doing lunch - you could have more drinks etc but the buffet was over. She went totally mad. It was so embarrassing as she was the one who was horribly late!

Same friend was also so late for a wedding once she arrived after the service.

I do think it's a problem that nowadays people are so habitually late that wedding invitatimos have started to say half an hour earlier than is meant because of it.

My dh does this to me re weekend plans. Cannot consider social arrangements to be a fixed time. Drives me mad as I hate to be so rude.

Also have friends that are always late for, say, evening drinks or meal and this seems rude to.

For some reason I consider plans with kids eg picnic in the park to be exempt from this - we all have unwritten rule among local friends that we have at least half an hour's lee way! Have discussed it and it is a general thing.

Not showering til midday means walking around in your own dead skin cells, fusty pyjama bottoms or knickers and poo crumbs.

But surely if you shower as soon as you get up, then until that point you are just lying in bed in your own dead skin cells, fusty pyjama bottoms and poo crumbs. How's that better?

YABU to go head to head with your MIL about her daughter. No good can come of that.

Mim, YANBU but someone will be along to pathologize chronic lateness in a minute.

I get out of bed have a shower, get dressed and go downstairs and I reckon it takes 15 minutes. Tops. But then I just get going as I loathe mornings and just want it over and done with. It also then takes me around 20 mins to eat breakfast and do washing up from night before and that's it. I got into routine when I had 3 kids and also commuted into London daily.
I think you know you are in a bad habit because you are being very defensive. It would irritate the hell out of me if anyone took AN HOUR to get downstairs raft for the day. The eldest dd does mind you and oh how I laughed when she was at work late every day her first week!

when you're unemployed you tend to linger over the day i know i do but i can be ready in ten minutes if i need to be

But surely if you shower as soon as you get up, then until that point you are just lying in bed in your own dead skin cells, fusty pyjama bottoms and poo crumbs. How's that better?

Who said that was better? Surely that's just unavoidable? Straw man, anyone?

I just woke up -get me !
My mother would implode in righteous indignation if she knew and rant about wasting the day.
If we stay at hers she comes in and opens the curtains at 7 am ( we don't stay anymore)
I get up at 5.30 on a work day and so often sleep in if I'm off.
So fucking what ?
Your Mil sounds unhinged 're: eating the buffet lunch at 12 - very bad manners .It's usual to invite for 12(who eats at 12 ffs!) and serve at 12.30 ish to allow everyone to arrive.
The eating soup thing sounds very petty unless she is diabetic and she sounds completely uptight.
She doesn't sound very nice -if she called me horrible I would give her a wide berth .
No I'm not late for things though -maybe work on that a bit.

How da hell do you get poo crumbs? Do people not clean their bottoms properly or cannot control their rectum that they are letting just dribbling poo all night ....

I don't think its lazy or slovenly if you are not dressed as soon as you wake up - each to their own as long as it doesn't impact on pre arranged plans.

I was off last week, woke up on one of those days brushed my teeth got a nice hot drink and then sat in bed and read a book and was so engrossed I didn't realise is was 12.30 by the time I finished it. I had no pre-arranged plans so big deal if I wasn't showered and ready.

Being late is inconsiderate and rude when you have prearranged a time but being expected to get ready at short notice is not reasonable.

My family know I like some notice before I go somewhere but it is no big deal - if the notice is too short I just say No.
How long I take to get ready is nobody else's business so long as I am ready on time and if I prefer some notice of a trip out - that is my prerogative so long as I don't expect them to wait for me.

Who makes up these 'rules' about how long it should take to get ready?? So some take 10 minutes? Well done! Who cares?