to think taking an hour to get ready (wash etc) every day isn't OTT?

[GourmetGold]

This is not really something that bothers ME at all, I've always taken about an hour to get ready every day. My hair is longish & fine and if I don't wash and dry it (+ small amount styling with curling tongs) at least every other day it looks greasy/messy.

I wear hard gas permeable contact lenses which need a good clean every morning and I like to wear a bit of make-up (not loads).
I'm unemployed at the moment and before that was doing years of shift work where I worked late and got up about 9/10 am, would do dishwasher, feed pets & any other household stuff, then get washed and ready a few hours after getting up..so maybe I'd be actually washed by midday..ish. So now I'm a bit stuck in that routine. I get things done, but just don't wash as soon as I'm out of bed.

I had an argument with my MIL the other day. I told her that SIL (her daughter) had been, in my opinion, rude to me over something. She became very defensive and angry (okay, guess everyone can do this, I'd be surprised if she didn't, wish hadn't bothered saying anything now).

But she then started to go on about how I was "hardly perfect" (I agreed!)...that I could be horrible...I asked her what she meant by that, on what occasions I'd been horrible.

The only thing she could come up with was that I made my DP's & everyone else's life very difficult by "not getting ready first thing & taking an hour to get ready every day..he always has to wait for you to get ready to go out & if we call to ask if you want to go out with us, we get fed up that you say you'll be ready in an hour".
She went on to say that DP had never complained to her about this...but she was very worried that I "might be making his life very difficult".
I knew that this did annoy her a bit, but didn't know quite HOW angry she was about it!

If MIL very occasionally invites us/me out, it is always a last minute thing...always in the morning, 10 minutes before she's going (we live close by).
I asked why she couldn't just give me more notice..like an hour or two, or day before? She was not impressed with this suggestion and seemed exasperated with me, that I couldn't just be up and ready to go, just in case she ever called.

I don't really understand the logic..what if I were 'up and ready' at 'crack of dawn'..but had made other plans...10 minutes notice is surely not reasonable EVERY time she wants to go out somewhere?

I'm really disappointed to find she seems to think so badly of me over something which seems, to me, really daft.

Their whole family seems a bit obsessed with punctuality and I/we have been made to feel terrible if we are ever 10 minutes late for a family function (once we were blanked & they had eaten all their main meal...we are only 10 minutes late!!), so guess this kind of fits in with that.
I'm really laid back about things like that as it seems so unimportant in the big scheme of things.

Has she got a point, do I sound a bit lazy and is it just me who doesn't get up and straight in the shower, ready really quick and 10 minutes notice to go out every time is completely reasonable.

Sorry really long post (I waffle badly!), don't know why I'm posting, feel bit embarrassed as it's so daft & unimportant

I think you are much later than you think if they'd all sat down and eaten their main courses.

YANBU about getting dressed how you like and taking as much time over this but YABU in your time keeping. People who are always late are really annoying.

It's nice to have a bit of spontaneity in life though isn't it? Can't you work out a bit of a quicker routine to use on occaision, like weatherall said? That way if you or your DH decide to go out on a whim it avtually can be on a whim and it'll also mean you dont loose out on time doing whatever activity you've decided on.
With hair like you've described yours as dry shampoo might be your new best friend. It will volumise your hair and save you the pain of washing it if you fancied a day off!

So, to answer your question, the crucial issue is whether you habitually keep people, DP included, waiting.

It doesn't really matter how long it takes you to get ready, if you are ready by the agreed departure time.

If your morning routine works for your family then there's no problem.

Reading between the lines though it seems you are often late for things because you don't take punctuality seriously. Well that's up to you, but other people do. You're essentially saying your time is more important than theirs so they can wait for you to pluck your eyebrows or whatever.

My brother and his wife are late for everything and it is bloody annoying! They don't see a big deal about 10 minutes either but it's actually half an hour. If food is involved then I do get bloody pissed off as if I know I'm going out for a meal, I'll skip the previous meal so I'm usually ravenous! Also when we've arranged to meet somewher and the place is heaving and I'm sat holding an empty table for half an hour.

I might not be impartial here

But, I go back to my original point, if your routine works for your family and genuinely isn't inconveniencing anyone else through lack of punctuality then don't worry.

Thanks for everyones' replies.

Yes, I can sometimes be late, I'm always worried what others think and embarrassed by this, always apologise...(I don't mind if someone is late meeting ME, visiting etc, but do understand it is important to others)...I know I need to improve on my punctuality.

If MIL asks me if I'd like to join her with the usual 10 minutes notice, I always decline...I could just not get ready in that time, she would be very cross if I was late, just don't want to go there and get on wrong side.
I once invited her out (day before) and had arranged to pick her up at 12.30, we were going to drive to a village, pop into the café for scone & tea and then visit a shop there. Because I was late, arriving at 12.40 to pick her up she was totally fuming & said we were going to be "too late to go to the café now" (there was no set time that we were going there) and she wanted to eat now, so I had to wait while she had a bowl of soup. I felt very uncomfortable, didn't enjoy the afternoon out and so am now very, very aware about not being late! (Also don't think I've invited her out since).

Yes I can see it might be a generation thing, with ready by midday seen as slovenly.

Yes she probably does worry about jobs, me being not 'work ready'..I've been out of work a few times, but always been able to find another job, but she is a big worrier, so might be worrying about this.

I'm going to try really hard to start getting up earlier and getting ready first thing, I'll probably feel better for it anyway.

My DP often gets out of bed about midday, he travels all over the world for his job half the month and tends to be suffering jet lag and so gets up later than me! So not too much a problem for him if I'm not ready until midday.

I take about an hour to shower, wash, dry & straighten my hair, bit of slap and then dressed but I do this first thing. I'm up at 5 in week and 7 at weekend though

If it suits you and DH then why change?

Hi SugarSkully, yes if you're a 'speedy to get ready' person, itching to get going, I can understand it must be frustrating to be waiting for the other person..I laughed at your description of your faffing husband..that IS me, ha!

If I need to shower/wash hair, it takes me around an hour to get ready, if I don't need to wash my hair, I can be ready in 20.

It doesn't matter how long it takes you so long as you're ready to leave at the right time, which it doesn't sound like you are.

If you taking an hour to get ready is all she could come up with to character-assassinate you, then you're doing OK.

Punctuality is one thing, and it would piss me off if I'd arranged to meet someone at a set time and they were late, but expecting you to jump and be ready when SHE is ready to go somewhere, as you describe, is controlling and petty.

Oh, and I take about an hour to get ready, including shower/dressed/face/breakfast. I don't think it's unreasonable.

Fudge..up at 5? Wow! I did actually get up that early in my 20s for few jobs, would love to be up that early again (had to be in bed by 9pm though!)

Latte..I know it's my/our life, not really her business, I don't want to change anything just to please her. Guess maybe she hit a nerve because maybe I'm not really pleased I'm not ready first thing in morning. Just upset she could seem to dislike me over something like this.

I've only got what you've described to go on but you do sound like hard work. The constant lateness would get on my nerves. My DH takes totally ages to get ready. For a man. Which annoys me. But he isn't late and just leaves enough time. I suppose I'm easily annoyed.

SugarSkully, I know I worry to much about my appearance..probably come from my DM constantly picking holes in figure/hair colour/clothes bla, bla, so become to paranoid! I don't really do loads of make-up etc, just very slow!
I don't have kids, sure I'd get quicker at everything if I did.

OnlyLovers she did seem to be clutching at straws! Funny thing is her daugher's husband has gotten into all sorts of serious trouble, cheated, but she never says a bad word about him

I don't get ready until I need to go out, I don't see the issue with that. I work 9-5 so I have to be ready by 8am through the week but I wouldn't immediately jump out of bed and into the shower at the weekend. I'm quite happy to slob around in my PJs for hours!

I do find lateness really rude though. I have three friends who are constantly twenty minutes late for everything and it drives me to distraction - I've actually started getting the bus at the time we agreed to meet because I can't stand hanging around for them any longer. My DP drives me mental by faffing on his laptop until the last possible minute and then rushing around getting angry and stressed while I'm ready to go and it always results in me frog marching him to the train station with three minutes to go. If you've agreed to meet somewhere at a certain time then you should be up, ready and out the door in plenty of time. It's only polite.

You KNOW punctuality is important to someone, agree to pick them up at 12.30, and then don't arrive on time?

Every single thing you are doing is just reinforcing the idea of slovenliness and "don't care" attitude.

Just a comment, if you clean your contacts in the morning before putting them in (1 minute rubbing per lens according to my Boston instructions, rinse in water, put in case - 5 mins the lot) then that implies putting them away dirty at night which can cause eye infections. Admittedly not as much with gas perms than soft, but all the same, you should be doing that at night immediately you take them out, for safety's sake. The overnight soaking after cleaning is also part of the disinfecting process. However if you're cleaning them at night and in the morning, the latter is surely not necessary?

You criticised your SIL and MIL may have brought this up largely as a tit-for-tat because of that, though I suspect this is something that genuinely annoys her.

How long you take to get ready and when in the day you do it are none of MIL's business. An hour start to finish if you are washing and styling your hair is not all that long, to me. Since your MIL admits your DP is not complaining about it, this seems to me to be gratuitous interference (the tit-for-tat thing?) and just none of her business.

Refusing last minute invitations. She knows you will. And yet she keeps doing it. There doesn't seem to be any difficulty with inviting you earlier, she just doesn't want to. Probably partly about disapproval of your routine, meaning she won't work around it, and partly her own habits. I think it's nuts. If she wants to see you, she should invite you in a way that works for you as well as her. So I think your MIL is being unreasonable and more than a little domineering.

Lateness. I read your posts as being in complete denial of how late you routinely are and how annoying it is to others (as other posters have said, if the family had already eaten their main meal by the time you and your DP arrived, you must have been way more than 10 minutes late). You only get to be laid-back about lateness if you are the waiting party. You can't assume that others will be happy to wait for you. Here you are being as stubborn as your MIL, in a way. You know it drives your DP's family mad. So stop doing it. And ending invitations because you can't be sure to get there on time is crazy-why not make the effort to be punctual? Is it that hard?

bloodyteenagers...no we were eating at MIL's house, buffet sat round in living room, eating on laps. Told to be there at midday, we arrived at 12.10 (honestly!!! NO later than that) they had all eaten a main course!! Neither of us could believe it...thought they must have terrible indigestion . SIL was there & doesn't like us..can just imagine her telling everyone to eat quick..just to make a point .

Guess what I'm saying is that I would never berate someone for being late, I'd be more bothered if someone were being bitchy/mean, personally. But I DO TOTALLY get that many, many people find lateness rude and I agree it's not right or fare to be late.

Sometimes I don't wash and dress until 2 or 3pm that's when I'm starting work at 4. I tend to do a few jobs in my pjs or in some comfy sweats. I don't see the point in having my make up and hair done hours before it is needed.

It's not lazy it is just living by a different schedule. I would never say someone was lazy for going to bed at 8pm if they had to be up by 5am so why is it seen differently the other way round.

Also your mil sound really unorganised, can't she plan things a day in advance? I would want at least an hours notice in case I had the washing machine going/ had to walk the dog etc. and just for common courtesy.

Yep, my mum has visible twitches if we aren't all up, showered and dressed by 10:30 at the latest. Bear in mind she lives far away and we only ever go there as a break! I'm far more slovenly relaxed at home and if we aren't going anywhere then more than happy to let the dc have a pyjama day! In fact, for the first day of the holidays it's a ritual!!

I do understand her point though, it's a generational thing and when I'm there (not often) I do respect it.

Yes she is definitely domineering. I think at the heart of things is that she doesn't like me much, doesn't WANT to give me enough notice, but asks me at short notice, so I can't ever say she hasn't ever invited me out.

I don't assume others are happy waiting for me..I HATE being late for others & am not always late.

How was your sister-in-law rude to you? Maybe the mother-in-law is feeling a little defensive of her daughter? Did you need to comment? Was it not something you could have kept to yourself?

Maybe MIL shouldn't have criticised you, as it is none I her business, but at the same time, I do think peoples manners are subsiding by being constantly late. I'm on time say 95% of the time but have been kept waiting over an hour at a restaurant before (sat on my own) and 45 mins at a childrens park. It doesn't cost anything to make more I an effort

I havea friend like you who when she comes to stay will lounge around all morning and then when we make plans to go out somewhere will then commence an hour getting ready at least.

I see her less Because I find it so dreadfully frustrating